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Week of February 11th, 2010

Elationship Love Spells
for Beauty & Truth Lab Researchers

This Valentine Season, are you in quest of an Intimate Ally or a Soul Friend? A Wild Confidante or a F*** Buddy? A Secret Sharer who'll listen better than anyone ever or an Amazing Accomplice with whom you can practice the Art of Liberation? Try these Elationship Love Spells, scientifically formulated by the Beauty and Truth Lab's top exhilarationists. Read all the Love Spells here.

Me: the soul of a musician, the stamina of a long-distance runner, and the psychological expertise of a veterinarian. You: the body of a feral kickboxer, the eyes of a jet pilot, and the holder of a PhD in Ingenious Love. In matters of the heart, you always know exactly when to sweat and when to cry. You like to play in the sandbox as much as you enjoy working in the trenches -- and you don't mind getting dirty. Send me an image of your face pressed against the copy machine, and I'll get started reading your mind. In the meantime, I'll be here in my lab dreaming up experiments we can do to tenderly shock ourselves ever-more awake from what the cynics call "the nightmare of history."

I'm the one! Pick me for your mission impossible! I'm the one! Pick me to help you storm the kingdom of heaven! Everybody's somebody's fool; let me be yours! I have no shame and I have no qualms! I give not until it hurts but until it exalts my libido, and if you're smart you'll let me teach you the method in that madness! So electrify me in a sanctuary, you stunning ravisher! Amaze me in a labyrinth! Undress me on an altar! Engorge me in a way station! And I'll resurrect you wherever you want!

Tired of both boringly nice goodie-goodies and menacing lunatics trying to pass off their pathologies as "sexy"? I'm the happy medium: a straddler of the mysterious edge where bliss and struggle overlap, where the difference between light and dark just ain't that simple. I feel too deeply to pretend that every question has a correct answer. I cry too easily and love too much. And you? Are you smart enough to be guided by your sacred dreams of transgression? Are you free enough to surrender over and over again to the waters of life? If you've got the courage, I've got the secrets. I'll be your wild-eyed, smart-mouthed, spread-eagled muse if you'll be mine.

Future lottery winner and full-time thrill-designer is hunting for a brainteasing emancipator to share risky stunts and international scandals that have lucrative marketing potential. Let's do a reality TV show that features us hiking through China in our Halloween costumes as we distribute alms for the poor, or air-drop Ana?s Nin books on Bible Belt colleges as we ride in a hot-air balloon over Mississippi and Alabama. In the great tradition of Picasso, the richest Communist artist who ever lived, we'll become wealthy pranksters together, poking and prodding the edges of reality.


Read the rest of the Love Spells.