One of the musical Jonas Brothers got married last month. Up until then, 22-year old Kevin Jonas was a virgin, having long ago pledged himself to abstinence until his wedding day. At Huffingtonpost.com, humorist Andy Borowitz reported that when Jonas and his bride returned from their honeymoon, he had some shocking news. "To be honest, sex was not worth the wait," Borowitz quoted Jonas as saying. "After we did it, I was kind of like, that's it?" I haven't been able to verify that Jonas actually said what Borowitz claims, but if it's true, I must protest. How could Jonas reach such a definitive conclusion based on so little experience? Wouldn't it be wise to consider the possibility that over time he might uncover secrets and plumb mysteries that are unknown to him in his unripe state? Learn from his apparent mistake, Aquarius. In the coming weeks, cultivate a humble, innocent, curious attitude not just about sex, but about everything.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2010. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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Brag about what you can't do and don't have. Bow down to the greatest mystery you know. Scare yourself with how beautiful you are.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.