One of the greatest superpowers a human being can have is the ability to change herself in accordance with her intentions. Let's say you're tired of feeling shame about something there's no good reason to feel shame about, and you decide to do whatever it takes to dissolve that shame, and you succeed in doing it. Or let's say you no longer want to attract bad listeners and flaky collaborators into your life, and you resolve to transform that pattern, and you ultimately achieve your goal. These are acts of high magic, as amazingly wizardly as anything a shaman does. It so happens, Aries, that this superpower is especially accessible to you right now.

Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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In response to our culture's ever-rising levels of noise and frenzy, rites of purification have become more popular. Many people now recognize the value of taking periodic retreats. Withdrawing from their usual compulsions, they go on fasts, avoid mass media, practice celibacy, or even abstain from speaking. While we applaud cleansing ceremonies like this, we recommend balancing them with periodic outbreaks of an equal and opposite custom: the Bliss Blitz.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. If you'd like me to sign and inscribe a copy of the book for you, go here to find out how.

Your story is taking a hotter and wetter and more cosmically comical turn. The splendor and the rot are all mixed up. The line between your strengths and liabilities are hair thin. But have no fear. One of your dormant talents will activate in the nick of time. Your wild guesses will shed bright light whenever the darkness creeps in. And you'll have even more emotional intelligence than usual. P.S. If your psyche tingles like a funny bone that has been tapped, it means that unanticipated help or useful information will arrive within 12 hours.

Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Is there anything more dangerous than getting up in the morning and having nothing to worry about, no problems to solve, no friction to heat you up? That state can be a threat to your health. If untreated, it incites an unconscious yearning for any old dumb trouble that might rouse some excitement.

Acquiring problems is a fundamental human need. It's as crucial to your well-being as getting food, air, water, sleep, and love. You define yourself--indeed, you make yourself--through the riddles you attract and solve. The most creative people on the planet are those who frame the biggest, hardest questions and then gather the resources necessary to find the answers.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. If you'd like me to sign and inscribe a copy of the book for you, go here to find out how.

"The more you do what you want," says Santa Fe artist Erika Wanenmacher, "the more magic happens." And what she wants, in part, is to be surprised by how life's random events ask to be included in her creative process. During her long walks along the irrigation ditch near her home, for example, odds and ends on the ground call to her, suggesting that she use them in her art pieces -- heart-shaped rocks, miniature liquor bottles, bent spoons, parts of toys. One of her gallery pieces, "Spell Wall," consists of amulets made from this found stuff. "I'll make whatever I want," Erika says. "Out of whatever I want. About whatever I want." She's your role model, Gemini. Borrow from her perspective. Go in quest of unexpected clues that make you feel loose and free and fertile.

Would you like to hear me say some more about your ever-evolving destiny? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Conventional wisdom implies that the best problems are those that place you under duress. There's supposedly no gain without pain. Stress is allegedly an incomparable spur for calling on resources that have been previously unavailable or dormant. Nietzsche's aphorism, "That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger," has achieved the status of an ultimate truth.

We half-agree. But it's clear that stress also accompanies many mediocre problems that have little power to make us smarter. Pain frequently generates no gain. We're all prone to become habituated, even addicted, to nagging vexations that go on and on without rousing any of our sleeping genius.

There is, furthermore, another class of difficulty--let's call it the delightful dilemma--that neither feeds on angst nor generates it. On the contrary, it's fun and invigorating, and usually blooms when you're feeling a profound sense of being at home in the world. The problem of writing this book is a good example. I've had a good time handling the perplexing challenges with which it has confronted me.

Imagine a life in which at least half of your quandaries match this profile. Act as if you're most likely to attract useful problems when joy is your predominant state of mind. Consider the possibility that being in unsettling circumstances may shrink your capacity to dream up the riddles you need most; that maybe it's hard to ask the best questions when you're preoccupied fighting rearguard battles against boring or demeaning annoyances that have plagued you for many moons.

Prediction: As an aspiring lover of pronoia, you will have a growing knack for gravitating toward wilder, wetter, more interesting problems. More and more, you will be drawn to the kind of gain that doesn't require pain. You'll be so alive and awake that you'll cheerfully push yourself out of your comfort zone in the direction of your personal frontier well before you're forced to do so by divine kicks in the ass.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. If you'd like me to sign and inscribe a copy of the book for you, go here to find out how.

Needing a creative disruption in my routine, I hiked into a forest I'd never visited. The late afternoon light was wan and the wind was chilly. In places, the trail narrowed to a scruffy rut barely big enough for me to walk on, leading me to wonder if I was reading my map wrong. Three times this happened, but always the wider path resumed. Were there bobcats here? When I spied a flash of fur in the distance, I wished I'd researched that subject before I'd come. Still I pressed on. Then I came upon a single segment of a wooden fence, inexplicable in this remote area. One end of its upper slat had come loose and fallen. Moved by a whimsical urge to insert order into the midst of my disorientation, I fixed the slat. My mood brightened, my anxiety dissipated, and the rest of my hike was filled with small epiphanies. Everything I just described, my fellow Cancerian, is an apt metaphor for your week ahead.

Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that fuel your destiny? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Cancer cells are constantly developing in our bodies. Luckily, our immune systems routinely kill them off. Similarly, our minds always harbor pockets of crazy-making misconceptions and faulty imprints. They usually don't rise up and render us insane thanks to the psychic versions of our immune systems.

How can you stay strong in your ability to fight off sickness and madness? You know the drill: Eat healthy food, sleep well, get physical exercise, minimize stress, give and receive love. But as an aspiring pronoiac, you have at your disposal other actions that can provide powerful boosts to your immune system. Here are examples:

Scheme to put yourself in the path of beautiful landscapes, buildings, art, and creatures.

Exercise your imagination regularly. Get in the habit of feeding your mind's eye images that fill you with wonder and vitality.

Eliminate uhs, you knows, I means, and other junk words from your speech. Avoid saying things you don't really mean and haven't thought out. Stop yourself when tempted to make scornful assertions about people.

Every night before you fall asleep, review the day's activities in your mind's eye. As if watching a movie about yourself, try to be calmly objective as you observe your memories from the previous 16 hours. Be especially alert for moments when you strayed from your purpose and didn't live up to your highest standards.

With a companion, sit in front of a turned-off TV as you make up a pronoiac story that features tricky benevolence, scintillating harmony, and amusing redemption. Speak this tale aloud or write it down.

Take on an additional job title, beautifier. Put it on your business card and do something every day to cultivate your skill. If you're a people person, bring grace and intrigue into your conversations; ask unexpected questions that provoke original thoughts. If you're an artist, leave samples of your finest work in public places. If you're a psychologist or sociologist, point out the institutions and relationships that are working really well. Whatever you do best, be alert for how you can refine it and offer it up to those who'll benefit from it.

If you're going through a phase when you feel you have nothing especially beautiful to offer, or if you think it would be self-indulgent to inject your own aesthetic into shared environments, turn for help to great artists and thinkers. Sneak O'Keeffe or Chagall prints onto unadorned walls in public places, for instance. Memorize poems by Rilke and Hafiz, and slip them into your conversations when appropriate. Program your cell phone so that its ring is Vivaldi's Stabat Mater in C Minor. Scrawl passages from Annie Dillard's Teaching a Stone to Talk on the walls of public lavatories.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. If you'd like me to sign and inscribe a copy of the book for you, go here to find out how.

I believe that in the coming weeks you'll enjoy experiences that have an emotional resemblance to those referred to in this passage by French novelist Gustave Flaubert: "I want to cover you with love, with caresses, with ecstasy. I want to gorge you with all the joys of the flesh . . . I want you to be astonished by me, to confess to yourself that you had never even dreamed of such transports . . . When you are old, I want you to recall those few hours. I want your dry bones to quiver with joy when you think of them." Please note, Leo, that I'm not necessarily saying the pleasures you gather in will stem from an engagement with an actual lover. They might. But your delight may also have a more mysterious origin.

No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart -- even as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. If you'd like me to sign and inscribe a copy of the book for you, go here to find out how.

It's not just our era that has a tormented relationship with time. Many cultures have been frustrated by its tyranny. During France's July Revolution in 1830, for instance, rebels shot guns at public clocks. While I think that's too extreme for you, I do recommend that you perform a ritual to empower yourself as you wrestle with the passage of the hours and days and weeks. How about smashing a cheap alarm clock with a hammer? Or spending an entire day without ever referring to a timepiece? Or taking ten deep breaths as you imagine you're inhaling eternity and exhaling the grinding tick-tock? It's a perfect moment to claim more freedom from temporality.

What better adventure is there than learning about your soul's code? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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What if the Creator is like Rainer Maria Rilke's God, "like a webbing made of a hundred roots, that drink in silence"? What if the Source of All Life inhabits both the dark and the light, heals with strange splendor as much as with sweet insight, is hermaphroditic and omnisexual? What if the Source loves to give you riddles that push you past the boundaries of your understanding, forcing you to deepen your perceptions and change the way you think about everything? Close your eyes and imagine you can sense the presence of this tender, marvelous, difficult, entertaining intelligence.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. If you'd like me to sign and inscribe a copy of the book for you, go here to find out how.

I agree with football coach Lou Holtz, who said, "The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood." It's possible to work around this difficulty, however. What you have to do, before you unleash your levity, is conjure up empathy for the sourpuss in question. You should also make sure that your intention is not to mock or poke at the person, but instead offer a potential escape from his or her locked energy. By my calculations, you could be an expert at this kind of psychic judo right now. For best results, practice on yourself. Whenever you're headed toward a negative thought or emotion, nudge yourself away with a jest or wisecrack.

Got enough clues to chew on for now? If you need more, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, where I go further in exploring your mysteries.

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The poet Muriel Rukeyser said the universe is composed of stories, not of atoms. The physicist Werner Heisenberg declared that the universe is made of music, not of matter. And we believe that if you habitually expose yourself to toxic stories and music, you could wind up living in the wrong universe, where it's impossible to become the gorgeous genius you were born to be. That's why we implore you to nourish yourself with delicious, nutritious tales and tunes that inspire you to exercise your willpower for your highest good.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. If you'd like me to sign and inscribe a copy of the book for you, go here to find out how.

Do you know what you're really worth? Not as measured by your bank account and luxurious possessions. Not as reflected by your boss's or parents' or enemies' images of you. Not as distorted by what you wish you were worth or fear you're not worth. I'm talking about taking an illusion-free inventory of the skills you have that are fulfilling to you and useful to others. I'm talking about your wisdom more than your knowledge, your self-love more than your popularity, your ability to be good more than to look good.

For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Write the following on a piece of red paper and keep it under your pillow. "I, [put your name here], do solemnly swear on this day [put date here] that I will devote myself for a period of seven days to learning my most important desire. No other thought will be more uppermost in my mind. No other concern will divert me from tracking down every clue that might assist me in my drive to ascertain the one experience in this world that deserves my brilliant passion above all others."
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. If you'd like me to sign and inscribe a copy of the book for you, go here to find out how.

The surest way to beat the system, my dear, is to elude it and erect your own system. The strategy most likely to leave your competitors babbling in the mirror, sweetheart, is to go completely over their heads. That doesn't mean, darling, that you should be a remote and grandiose narcissist who listens to no one but yourself. Smile sweetly as you describe why your way is the best way, you gorgeous genius. Enlist worthy collaborators through the irresistible force of your guileless charisma.

Would you like further inspiration as you strive to make the most of life's opportunities? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Like all of us, you have desires for things that you don't really need and aren't good for you. But you shouldn't disparage yourself for having them, nor should you conclude that every desire is tainted. Rather, think of your misguided longings as the bumbling, amateur expressions of a faculty that will one day be far more expert. They're how you practice as you work toward the goal of becoming a master of desire. It may take a while, but eventually you will get the hang of wanting things that are really good for you, and good for everyone else, too.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. If you'd like me to sign and inscribe a copy of the book for you, go here to find out how.

"A neurosis is a secret that you don't know you are keeping," wrote theater critic Kenneth Tynan. Your assignment is to uncover one of those secrets in yourself. It may not result in an instantaneous cure of your minor personality glitch, but it will be a potent first step that will set in motion a series of healing events. Be brave, Capricorn. I guarantee that any ugliness you might find lodged deep inside you will be entangled with surprising beauty.

What exactly are you looking for? It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE could give you additional help in figuring that out.

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If I ever produce a self-help manual called The Reverse Psychology of Getting Everything You Want, it will discuss the following paradoxes:
     a. People are more willing to accommodate your longings if you're not greedy or grasping.
     b. A good way to achieve your desires is to cultivate the feeling that you've already achieved them.
     c. Whatever you're longing for has been changed by your pursuit of it. It's not the same as it was when you felt the first pangs of desire. In order to make it yours, then, you will have to modify your ideas about it.
     d. Be careful what you wish for because if your wish does materialize it will require you to change in ways you didn't foresee.
     Review your own life and identify experiences that exemplify these four principles.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. If you'd like me to sign and inscribe a copy of the book for you, go here to find out how.

Seventy percent of the world's fresh water is locked away in Antarctica's ice, which is 7,000 feet thick. Let's hope it remains that way for the foreseeable future. If global warming melted that giant slab even a little, sea levels all over the planet would rise and coastal lands would be inundated. As for your frozen areas, however: I'd really like to see at least 30 percent of them thaw. Would you consider doing whatever it takes to release a mini-flood of summery feelings?

Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that are influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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A thousand years from today, everyone you know will be long dead and forgotten. There'll be nothing left of the life you love, no evidence that you ever walked this planet. That, at least, is what the fundamentalist materialists would have you believe. But suppose the truth is very different? What if in fact every little thing you do subtly alters the course of world history? What if your day-to-day decisions will actually help determine how the human species navigates its way through the epic turning point we're living through? And finally, what if you will be alive in a thousand years, reincarnated into a fresh body and in possession of the memories of the person you were back in this era? These are my hypotheses. These are my prophecies. Which is why I say: Live as if your soul is eternal.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. If you'd like me to sign and inscribe a copy of the book for you, go here to find out how.

While walking in an unfamiliar neighborhood, I saw a huge red wooden chair on someone's front lawn. It was big enough for a 20-foot-tall giant. An equally oversized martini glass was perched on the arm of the chair. Nearby was a sign that read, "I have flying monkeys at my command, and I'm not afraid to use them." I assumed this scene was the handiwork of an adorable crazy person who's an admirer of "The Wizard of Oz" mythology. I also flashed on how I could totally see you sitting in that chair. Metaphorically speaking, you too have flying monkeys at your command. I just hope you use them to accomplish good deeds, not evil ones.

To further explore the ripening challenges and blessings in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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When you're an aspiring master of pronoia, you see the cracks in the facades as opportunities; inspiration erupts as you careen over bumps in the road; you love the enticing magic that flows from situations that other people regard as rough or crooked. "That which is not slightly distorted lacks sensible appeal," wrote poet Charles Baudelaire, "from which it follows that irregularity--that is to say, the unexpected, surprise and astonishment--is an essential part and characteristic of beauty."
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. If you'd like me to sign and inscribe a copy of the book for you, go here to find out how.