Select a date (required) and sign (optional) 


Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of October 29th, 2009

♈ ARIES

(March 21-April 19)
You may be as flooded with briny emotion as a Pisces on a meandering binge. You might be as embedded in a labyrinth of your own creation as the Geminis who verge on being too clever for their own good. You may be as cagey a listener as a Scorpio who's searching for a hidden vulnerability in an ally. In other words, Aries, you're not exactly yourself. But it's one of those rare times when that's a good thing. Halloween costume suggestion: the opposite of what you think you are.


Want more help in exploring your Soul's Code? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Every act of genius, Carl Jung said, is an act contra naturam: against nature. Indeed, every effort to achieve psychological integration and union with the divine requires a knack for working against the grain. The 18th-century mystic Jacob Boehme recommended the same technique. The great secret to becoming enlightened, he said, is "to walk in all things contrary to the world." Qabalist teacher Paul Foster Case agreed: "The basis of the spiritual approach to life, the foundation of the everyday practice of a person who lives the life of obedience to esoteric law, is the reversal of the more usual ways of thinking, speaking and doing."

Name the ways you already use this approach, and brainstorm about others you might like to try.
*
The preceding oracle comes from the revised and expanded edition of my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can order it at Amazon.

♉ TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)
In my ideal version of Halloween, we wouldn't scare ourselves with images of ghoulish skeletons, eyeballs floating in cauldrons, and hissing, three-headed snakes. Rather, we'd confront more realistic fears, like the possibility that the effects we have on the world are different from our intentions . . . or that we have not yet reached our potential . . . or that people we like might completely misread and misunderstand us. Then Halloween would serve a more spiritually useful purpose. It would bring us face-to-face with actual dangers to our psychic integrity, whereupon we could summon our brilliant courage and exorcize the hell out of them. Costume suggestion: exorcist. (Begin by exorcising yourself.)


It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for you could give you additional help in figuring out what's going on.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Life is a vast and intricate conspiracy designed to keep us well supplied with blessings. What kind of blessings? Palatial homes, attractive lovers, lottery winnings, career success? Maybe. But just as likely: interesting surprises, unexpected challenges, gifts we hardly know what to do with, conundrums that force us to get smarter.

Novelist William Vollman referred to the latter types of blessings when he said that "the most important and enjoyable thing in life is doing something that's a complicated, tricky problem for you that you don't know how to solve."
*
The preceding oracle comes from the revised and expanded edition of my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can order it at Amazon.

♊ GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)
During this phase of your cycle, you'll generate good fortune if you brainstorm and meditate about your relationship with work. I urge you to empty your mind of everything you think you know about the subject. Adopt a fresh and innocent perspective. Here are some questions to prime your investigations. 1. What's the quality of the experience you want to have as you earn a living? 2. What gifts do you want to give to life as you toil at challenging tasks that are interesting to you? 3. What capacities do you want to develop in yourself while doing your work? (P.S. For your Halloween costume, why not pretend you're doing your dream job?)


Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that are influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
The "Kumulipo" is an old Hawaiian prayer chant that poetically describes the creation of the world. The word literally means "beginning-in-deep-darkness." Here darkness doesn't connote gloom and evil. Rather, it's about the inscrutability of the embryonic state; the obscure chaos that reigns before germination. Talk about the last time you dwelt in kumulipo.
*
The preceding oracle comes from the revised and expanded edition of my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can order it at Amazon.

♋ CANCERIAN

(June 21-July 22)
Israeli poet Yehuda Amichai (1924-2000) witnessed the full range of experiences that life on this planet has to offer, from war to love and everything in between. During an interview he gave in Jerusalem in 1994, he said, "I can stand on my balcony and tell my children, 'Over there I was shelled for the first time, and over there, to the right, just beneath those trees, I was kissed for the first time.'" I suspect his words will soon be meaningful for you, Cancerian. It's likely you'll have a breakthrough or epiphany near a place where you once suffered disappointment. Halloween costume suggestion: the phoenix.


To further explore the ripening challenges and blessings in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
At the heart of the pronoiac way of life is an apparent conundrum: You can have anything you want if you'll just ask for it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings.
*
The preceding oracle comes from the revised and expanded edition of my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can order it at Amazon.

♌ LEO

(July 23-August 22)
Author Gary Smalley says that the sexual nature of men is like a microwave oven, while women resemble a crockpot, the device that cooks food at low heat for a long time. Right about now, I'd advise you Leo men to be like crockpots not only in the bedroom but everywhere else, too. To spot the subtle opportunities that will be available, you'll have to be gradual, deliberate, and thorough. Leisurely foreplay should be your all-purpose metaphor. As for you Leo women: I'm betting there are ways that you have fallen under the sway of the microwave meme. If I'm right, it's time to fully re-embrace the spirit of the crockpot. Halloween costume clues: the tortoise, not the hare; a 400-page novel, not Twitter; the Pyramid of Khufu, not a sandcastle.


Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Every January 1, many people make New Year's resolutions, promising to embark on programs of self-improvement. But your assignment now, should you choose to accept it, is to create a list of ANTI-resolutions.

Here are some questions to guide you: 1. What outlandish urges and controversial tendencies do you promise to cultivate in the coming months? 2. What nagging irritations will you ignore and avoid with even greater ingenuity? 3. What problems do you promise to exploit in order to have even more fun as you make the status quo accountable for its corruption? 4. What boring rules and traditions will you thumb your nose at, paving the way for exciting encounters with strange attractors?
*
The preceding oracle comes from the revised and expanded edition of my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can order it at Amazon.

♍ VIRGO

(August 23-September 22)
"The more beautiful the bird, the poorer the singer," wrote L. M. Boyd. "Peacocks scream, macaws screech. Birds of Paradise croak." Among the most interesting singers, on the other hand, are birds that are far less spectacular in appearance: the Black-capped Chickadee, the Willow Thrush, and the White-throated Sparrow. Keep that in mind as you navigate your way through the coming week's dilemmas. My personal inclination is to favor inspiring singing over comely appearance, but you may have a different bias. The important thing is to recognize the nature of the options before you. Halloween costume suggestion: Incorporate the themes of plain beauty, secret genius, disguised power, and open secrets.


Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Speak the following lines out loud:
I love everything about me
I love my uncanny beauty and my bewildering pain
I love my hungry soul and my wounded longing
I love my flaws, my fears, and my scary frontiers

I will never forsake, betray, or deceive myself
I will always adore, forgive, and believe in myself
I will never refuse, abandon, or scorn myself
I will always amuse, delight, and redeem myself
*
The preceding oracle comes from the revised and expanded edition of my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can order it at Amazon.

♎ LIBRA

(September 23-October 22)
At a family planning conference in Beijing, a researcher from Ghana presented testimony about tribal issues that he had in part gleaned through interviews with dead ancestors. He said that spirit mediums had acted as his "translators." When he was met with skepticism from colleagues, he was defensive. "If I only heard from the living," he explained, "I wouldn't get a very good balance." His perspective would be smart for you to adopt right now, Libra. To make the wisest decisions and take the most righteous action, draw inspiration from what has passed away as much as from what's alive and in your face. Halloween costume suggestion: a spirit medium.


Do you want to take a further look at your ever-evolving destiny? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
You’re a star -- and so am I. I’m a genius -- and so are you. Your success encourages my brilliance, and my charisma enhances your power. Your victory doesn’t require my defeat, and vice versa. Those are the rules in the New World -- quite unlike the rules in the Old World, where zero-sum games are the norm, and only one of us can win each time we play.

In the New World, you don’t have to tone down or apologize for your prowess, because you love it when other people shine. You exult in your own excellence without regarding it as a sign of inherent superiority. As you ripen more and more of your latent aptitude, you inspire the rest of us to claim our own idiosyncratic magnificence.
*
The preceding oracle comes from the revised and expanded edition of my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can order it at Amazon.

♏ SCORPIO

(October 23-November 21)
"Behind every face, there are a thousand faces," says film director Bryan Singer, who worked on two of the X-Men movies. He deals with professional actors, who specialize in revealing the myriad faces beneath the surface. But I think his assessment applies to lots of people, especially you Scorpios -- although it must be said that you do have mad skills at hiding all the action going on beneath your surface. This Halloween, I urge you to make a break with tradition and show five or six of the real you's lurking below your poker face. Costume suggestion: be inspired by Joseph Campbell's "hero with a thousand faces."


Need more help deciphering your riddles and enigmas? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
For some seekers, spiritual enlightenment is the ultimate commodity. They believe that through diligent meditation and self-improvement, there will come a day when it will no longer elude their grasp. Breaking through to the singular state of cosmic consciousness, they will forever after own it, free and clear. Permanently illuminated! Never to backslide into the dull ignominy of normal human awareness!

Here's what I have to say about that: It's a delusion.

The fact is, the nature of perfection is always mutating. What constitutes enlightenment today will always be different tomorrow. Even if you're fortunate and wise enough to score a sliver of "enlightenment," it's not a static treasure that becomes your indestructible, everlasting possession. Rather, it remains a mercurial knack that must be continually re-earned.

If you want to befriend the Divine Wow, you must not only be willing to change ceaselessly -- you have to love to change ceaselessly.

Lucky you: All of creation is conspiring to help you live like that.
*
The preceding oracle comes from the revised and expanded edition of my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can order it at Amazon.

♐ SAGITTARIUS

(November 22-December 21)
The Da Vinci Code author Dan Brown has a unique way of stimulating his imagination: He dons his gravity boots and meditates on complex storylines while he's inverted. It's also a good way to overcome writer's block. "You think differently upside-down," he says. Do you have an equivalent method for providing gentle shock therapy to your perspective, Sagittarius? This is a good time to use it. If you don't already have a creative aid like that, hunt around for one. In the days ahead, it will come in handy.


No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
The Golden Rule is a decent ethical principle, but it could be even better. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" presumes that others enjoy what you enjoy. But that's wrong. There are many things you'd like to have done unto you that others would either despise or be bored by. Here's a new, improved formulation, which we call the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would like to have you do unto them.

Using this improved formula is not just a virtuous way to live, but is also the best way to ensure the success of your selfish goals. The rituals and spells of various occult orders purport to be supercharged techniques for imposing your personal will on the chaotic flow of events, but I say that practicing the Platinum Rule outstrips all of them as an exercise to enhance your power and happiness.
*
The preceding oracle comes from the revised and expanded edition of my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can order it at Amazon.

♑ CAPRICORN

(December 22-January 19)
When Sheelah Ryan won $55 million in the Florida lottery, she used the money to create an organization dedicated to helping the disadvantaged. "I guess I've disappointed a lot of people," she told a reporter. "I could be traveling all over the world, or have a beautiful mansion on the ocean, or have a chauffeur-driven Rolls-Royce. But that's not my style." She's your role model for the coming weeks, Capricorn. When good fortune comes to you -- and I'm almost positive it will -- I recommend that you look for ways to share it. The ironic fact of the matter is that if you're generous as you tap in to your gift, there'll be more of the gift.


What better adventure is there than understanding your unique destiny? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
HELP WANTED. Practical dreamers with high emotional intelligence needed to become experts in the following subjects: the art of possessing abundant resources without feeling greed or a sense of superiority; the science of cultivating luxurious comfort in a way that does not lead to spiritual sloth; and a knack for enjoying peace and serenity without diluting one's ambition.
*
The preceding oracle comes from the revised and expanded edition of my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can order it at Amazon.

♒ AQUARIUS

(January 20- February 18)
When I did a performance in Santa Fe a few years ago, a woman in the audience came up to me after the show and made a sardonic proposal: Would I like to join her twelve-step program for writers who are overly fond of vivid adjectives and adverbs? With all the uppity mock politeness I could summon, I told her that I was preposterously happy with my scintillating addiction to brazen language, and didn't regard it as a raggedy problem that needed invasive correcting. Now I'm advising you to be like me and follow your heart when it tells you to be bigger, bolder, and brasher than ever before. Right now, shiny intensity is your sacred duty! Halloween costume suggestion: the sun.


Got enough clues to chew on? If you need more, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

Most religions designate a special class of people -- priests, rabbis, ayatollahs -- to oversee official communications with the Source. This has led to a prevailing assumption, even among those who don't follow an established faith, that we can't initiate a divine conversation without the aid of a professional class of trained mediators. Among some sects of the ancient gnostics, in contrast, everyone was regarded as a potential prophet who could experience epiphanies worthy of becoming part of the ever-evolving doctrine.

As you create your own spiritual path, experiment with this approach. What might you do to eliminate the middleman and commune directly with the Source?

Name the ways you already use this approach, and brainstorm about others you might like to try.
*
The preceding oracle comes from the revised and expanded edition of my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can order it at Amazon.

♓ PISCES

(February 19-March 20)
I hope you won't merely wander around the frontier. I hope you'll undertake a meticulous yet expansive exploration of that virgin territory. Here are some tips on how to proceed: 1. Formulate specific questions about what you're looking for. 2. Develop a hypothesis for the experiments you want to carry out. 3. Ignore what doesn't interest you and pounce only on what stirs your fascination. Halloween costume suggestion: an alien anthropologist visiting Earth from another planet; a time-traveler from the future who's doing a documentary on this historical moment; a religious pilgrim who's keeping a detailed journal.


For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day.

Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.

Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs.

Think of the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there.

Test to see if people are really listening to you by asserting that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.

Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire.

Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you.

Meditate on how one of the symbols of plenitude in Nepal is a mongoose vomiting jewels.

Once a year on the day before your birthday, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious."

Start a club whose purpose is to produce an archive of controversial jokes and obscene limericks about beauty, truth, and love.
*
The preceding oracle comes from the revised and expanded edition of my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can order it at Amazon.


Listen to Rob's Expanded Audio Horoscopes, updated weekly.



GET HOROSCOPES IN YOUR INBOX!

By signing up you are agreeing to our terms of use and privacy policy

unsubscribe or manage subscription