I predict that you will go to a grungy thrift store to shop for bargain kitchen items but will instead buy a magic snow globe depicting a dolphin drinking beer from a fountain that's shaped like a silver stiletto pump, and when you get this talisman home you will discover that it gives you the power to hover and cruise a few feet off the ground, plus tune in to the secret thoughts of people who confuse you, and even time-travel into the past for brief ten-minute blasts that allow you to change what happened. And if my prediction's not accurate in every detail, I bet it will nonetheless be metaphorically true.

Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Tune in to my free podcast, Gazing into the Abyss of Happiness. It's an excerpt from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA.