Over the course of your lifetime, if you're average, you will spend about 336 hours kissing. But why be average? Especially now, when the cosmos is begging you to use your mouth to incite ingenious bliss and explore the frontiers of closeness? To be in maximum alignment with the great cycles of nature and make God happy, I suggest you experiment with Guinness-Book-of-World-Records-levels of smooching and licking and sucking. If you can't find a human partner to collaborate with, then kiss the sky, the trees, the rivers, and even the mist. (P.S. For extra credit, use your mouth to murmur lyrical praises and whisper poetic temptations.)

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

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Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Gorgeous Genius." It's a love letter from me to you.