Want to supercharge your luck in 2009? Get yourself some vivid new superstitions. The more outrageous they are, the more likely it is they'll generate lots of crazy sweet karma. You might want to draw inspiration from pro football player John Henderson, for instance, who swears he can trick destiny into working in his favor if his trainer smacks him in the face before each game. Former hockey player Bruce Gardiner might also be a worthy role model. To rev up his good fortune, he always shoved his hockey stick into a toilet prior to skating out onto the ice. JUST KIDDING, Sagittarius! In fact, I hope you will make 2009 your least superstitious year ever. Let's drink a toast to lucid logic, impeccable objectivity, and cool, clean reason! Add some compassionate sarcasm and loving satire into the mix, and you will generate lots of crazy sweet karma.

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2009. Then, beginning December 30, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming 12 months. Tune in!

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At the heart of the pronoiac way of life is an apparent conundrum: You can have anything you want if you'll just ask for it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out exactly how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.