Let's say that on Christmas Eve, Santa Claus hopes to deliver toys to every child who believes in him. Thanks to the fact that his distribution area stretches over many time zones, he'll have at least 24 hours to accomplish this feat. Still, that means he's got to visit approximately a thousand homes per second. I don't know what astrological sign Santa is, but if he's a Sagittarius he'll have the highest possible chance at success. Beginning any day now, and lasting throughout 2009, your tribe will have the potential to move faster, think quicker, and multi-task better than every other tribe. If I were going to give you a symbolic holiday gift, it would be greased lightning. Happy Holy Daze!

Want to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcasts, "Fear Versus Intuition" and "You Are a Prophet." My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly pay-for-view offerings.

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The sage and her student were standing by a pool discussing longing and ambition.

"What do you want more than anything else?" the sage asked.

"To perfect my ability to love all of creation the way I love myself," the young man replied.

At that moment, the sage tackled the student and shoved his head beneath the water. Accustomed to letting his teacher shape the unpredictable contours of his education, he did not resist.

One minute went by. Then another. The student began to struggle and kick. His teacher was strong.

Finally she released her grip and the student surfaced, fighting for breath.

"What did you want more than anything else during these last few minutes?" the sage inquired.

"Nothing else was in my mind except the desire for air," gasped the student.

"Excellent," beamed the sage. "As soon as you are equally single-minded in your desire to perfect your ability to love all of creation the way you love yourself, you will achieve your goal."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.