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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny

Week of December 11th, 2008


(April 20-May 20)
Novelists and actors make a living by using their imaginations to create fictional stories. In recent years there has emerged a new group of workers whose pretending skills also earn them money. They make imaginary weapons, armor, potions, and other computer-generated gear to sell to people who play online role-playing games like World of Warcraft. I bring this to your attention, Taurus, because you're in a favorable phase to put your imagination to work in practical ways that increase your prosperity and security. As soon as you're finished reading this horoscope, start brainstorming about specific things you could do to convert fantasies into real-world wealth.

Want to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly pay-for-view offerings.


In some spiritual traditions, devotees attempt an arduous process of self-transformation as they retrain themselves to perceive the world from God's point of view. If they succeed, they're honored with an initiation ritual and given a new sacred name to consecrate their altered state.

In my opinion, you've done work equivalent to the rigorous labor of those devotees. You may not have sequestered yourself for years in a mountaintop monastery, and you may not have risen every morning at 5 a.m. to say prayers for hours. Instead, your spiritual transformation has unfolded as you've dealt with the challenges of daily life during our epic moment in history, when unprecedented levels of destruction and creation are the norm.

You have earned the right, therefore, to enjoy an initiation that will welcome you into the pantheon of bodhisattvas, saints, wizards, and avatars. It doesn't have to be long and complicated, and you can create it yourself. As an example of what you might do, here's a ritual that some Beauty and Truth Laboratory's initiates have performed: 1. Eat a pinch of dirt to declare your solidarity with Mother Earth. 2. Burn a five-dollar bill to purify your relationship with symbols of wealth. 3. Kick yourself in the ass to affirm your ongoing intention to discipline your shadow.

As one of your initiatory rewards, you can adopt a fresh spiritual tag. There's no need to abandon your existing name; just add your new alias to the mix.

Here is a list of Native American-style titles and names you might want to steal for your own use. Feel free to dream up your own, of course: Wild Face . . . Shadow Wrestler . . . Kiss Genius . . . Boink Worthy . . . Fizzy Nectar . . . Rumbler . . . Rowdy Gusto . . . Bliss Mutator . . . Silky Banger . . . Painkiller . . . Mango Sucker . . . Fire Keeper . . . Wobble Binder . . . Earthshaker . . . Wish Crayon . . . Thumper . . . Gut Stormer . . . Storm Tamer . . . Goal Thwacker . . . Thrill Witch . . . Phoenix Nectar . . . Mucho Gusto Coco Loco . . . Pearly Thunder . . . Free Sigh
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.