Medical insurance is out of reach for 46 million of my fellow Americans. Our country is at war in Afghanistan and Iraq as well as with a ghostly omnipresent foe known as terrorism. Our national debt is stupendous, our stock market has plunged, and many companies once thought to be towers of strength have failed. Meanwhile, right next door, Canada has universal healthcare and a budget surplus. Its banks are solvent and it is embroiled in zero wars. Am I jealous? Of course. Am I planning to emigrate? No. I'm going to stay here and keep agitating for goodness and justice and beauty. After evaluating your astrological omens, Sagittarius, I suggest that you do the equivalent in your own life: Stand your ground as you work to fix the flawed situation you've been given; don't flee to where the grass seems greener. Halloween costume suggestions: an elder statesman, wise crone, or charismatic teacher.

No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge if you tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day.

Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.

Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs.

Think of the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there.

Test to see if people are really listening to you by asserting that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.

Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire.

Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you.

Meditate on how one of the symbols of plenitude in Nepal is a mongoose vomiting jewels.

Once a year on the day before your birthday, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious."

Start a club whose purpose is to produce an archive of controversial jokes and obscene limericks about beauty, truth, and love.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "This Is a Perfect Moment," a podcast featuring material from the book.