"Dear Rob Brezsny: I am Chandra Gupti, born May 16, 1979 in New Delhi. Right now I am not well settled due to searing problems and swampy hurt. Day by day my position goes down lower and darker, with no lantern or rope ladder. So please tell me how long this foolish suffering period will further corrode my hope. Give me at least a thousand answers that will heal every test and trial as soon as possible. I will lie in bed until you reply. Thank you. - Unraveled Taurus." Dear Unraveled Taurus: I love you with all my heart and soul and mind. I have adored you since the beginning of time and will worship your gorgeous Genius until eternity changes into infinity. Dear All the Other Tauruses in the World: Everything I just told Unraveled Taurus I now say to you as well. (P.S. A divine tinkerer will offer you a lantern and rope ladder within ten days. Hold on.)

How much do you want to know about your destiny? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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The dangers of excessive politeness are perfectly exemplified in the medieval legend of Parzival, Arthur's purest knight. His quest for the Holy Grail leads him to a castle where he is welcomed by a wounded lord. At dinner, a mysterious bowl captivates Parzival's attention. He's dying to know more about it, but he holds his tongue. His training as a knight has taught him that it's uncourteous to express too much curiosity.

Tragically, he doesn't realize that he has arrived at the very place where his quest could be satisfied. The wounded lord is actually the fisher king, the marvelous bowl is the Grail, and he is being presented with a magical test. The test consists of a simple task: to ask about the bowl. Because Parzival fails to do so, the king doesn't reveal the secret and doesn't give him the Grail.

The next morning, Parzival wakes up to find the castle empty, and he leaves having missed the very opportunity he wanted most.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "You Are a Gorgeous Genius," a new podcast of me delivering an excerpt from my book. You can also listen to other podcasts here and here and here and here.