The tabloids report that Cancerian Tom Cruise has plans to build a $10 million bunker designed to save him and his family when the evil alien overlord Xenu attacks Earth, fulfilling a prophecy of his religion, Scientology. If the reports do have a grain of truth, and Cruise has in fact been considering the project, now would be an excellent time for him to begin construction. I'm not saying that I believe Xenu's on his way. My point is that you Crabs will place yourself in harmony with cosmic rhythms if you attend to matters that will bolster your security, help you feel safe and peaceful, and foster domestic bliss.

How much do you want to know about your destiny? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Is the world a dangerous, chaotic place with no inherent purpose, running on automatic like a malfunctioning machine and fundamentally inimical to your happiness? Or are you surrounded by helpers in a friendly universe that gives you challenges in order to make you smarter and wilder and kinder? Trick questions! The answers may depend, at least to some degree, on what you believe is true.

Formulate a series of experiments that will allow you to objectively test the hypothesis that the universe is conspiring to help you.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to a podcast of me delivering a new excerpt from the book. You can also get the podcast on iTunes.