In a story about author Gore Vidal in The Independent, Archie Bland reports on an event that happened just after Vidal's parents were married. While traveling to their honeymoon, dad told mom, "'There's something very important I want you to know." Mom grew radiantly expectant, imagining he was about to profess his love with a thrilling intensity. But dad had something else in mind. "I have three balls," he confessed. In the coming week, Pisces, I suspect that one of your expectations will meet a fate similar to mom's hope. But don't fret. In the long run, the revelations that come are likely to be more interesting and valuable to you than the "I have three balls" shocker.

Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Thank your mother for the pain she endured while birthing you.
For three minutes on the first Friday of every month, close your eyes and imagine yourself riding a wild horse through a cemetery.
Fantasize that your so-called "dark side" is sweet and creamy.
When you come home after a day of triumphs, take out the garbage.
Dream you're a red-tailed hawk soaring over a shopping mall.
Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you.
Buy seven used gowns worn by famous actresses to the Academy Awards show, and send them gratis to seven Guatemalan teenagers.
Visualize two versions of yourself, one male and one female, holding hands as they gaze into a reflection of the moon on a river.
Keep an image of a sphinx with you at all times.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to a podcast of me delivering a new excerpt from the book.