Write down five exciting things you love to do or think about. Take this list with you everywhere you go. On another piece of paper, name five fears or unpleasant thoughts that demoralize you. Put this list at the back of your closet. For the next seven days, try to refrain from letting your mind wander to the things on the bad list. Meanwhile, undertake an aggressive campaign to cultivate, seek out, and enjoy the five exciting things that you love to do and think about. In fact, any time you notice your attention veering toward the negative stuff, immediately steer it toward the positive. Don't worry, this exercise won't turn you into a brain-dead optimist. After all, you'll only do it for a week. The items on the second list will still be there when you're done. Or will they? Maybe they will have mutated into something more manageable.

Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Material in the "Free Will Astrology" horoscopes may be too intense and controversial for some readers. It contains graphic scenes of peace, love, joy, passion, reverence, splendor, and understanding. Within these pages, there is a severe dearth of references to alcoholism, suicide, prostitution, bigotry, lawsuits, greed, explosions, child abuse, terrorism, embezzlement, plane crashes, extortion, medical malpractice, betrayal, armed robbery, heart disease, rape, arson, and torture.

Therefore, you should proceed with caution if you are a jaded hipster who is suspicious of feeling healthy and happy. Ask yourself: "Am I ready to stop equating cynicism with insight? Do I dare take the risk that exposing myself to uplifting entertainment might dull my intelligence?" If you doubt your ability to handle relaxing breakthroughs, you should avoid reading the "Free Will Astrology" horoscopes.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.