"Partner needed for mission from God," read the classified ad I spied online. "I'm driving across the country in a banana-yellow 1979 Cadillac Seville with a Lionel Richie photo dangling from the rearview mirror and the thousand-page manuscript of my autobiography piled in the trunk. The mission is driving to Mexico to find my biological father, a rancher. Swimming pools will be peed in, convenience stores trashed, and large sunglasses worn. If you accompany me, I'll pay you $1,000." In calling this to your attention, Libra, I'm not necessarily suggesting you take the guy up on his offer. However, I do hope you'll be alert for comparable proposals that would reward you for helping interesting characters carry out edgy, inspirational quests.

Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.