Happy Valentine Daze, Libra! After strenuous meditation about what advice would be most likely to energize your love life, I decided on this edgy wisdom from writer Charles Caleb Colton: "If you cannot inspire a woman with love of you, fill her above the brim with love of herself; all that runs over will be yours." (Substitute "man" for "woman" and "him" for "her" if that makes the message work best for you.)

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. First, I love how you have desires for seemingly impossible things. It's your most scary and winsome quality. But there are so many other weirdly adorable things about you, too. I love how you don't run away from the cracks that open up in the world but brazenly peer into them to scope out the mysteries that lie on the other side. I love the fact that you seem to be the reincarnation of a sacred temple prostitute who is hell-bent on expressing your exotic wisdom in this profane world. I'm even delighted when you brilliantly analyze the clockwork of the universe so that you can mess with that clockwork.
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P.S. "One should always be in love," said Oscar Wilde. While I heartily agree, I must also note that it's nearly impossible to pull off. To do so, you have to acquire a number of difficult skills, the most crucial of which is an ability to elude the numbing trance of daily routine. Fortunately for you, you are equipped to sustain the heroic ingenuity necessary to dwell permanently in the blessed torment of love.
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The preceding love notes were brought to you by my last two books, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings and The Televisionary Oracle, and by my music CD, Give Too Much.