Every now and then when the garbage I generate in a week's time exceeds what one trashcan is able to hold, I have to make a special phone call to the office of the refuse and recycling service to request that they pick up an extra can. If I'm reading your astrological omens correctly, this is one of those times for you, at least from a metaphorical perspective: You need to get rid of more than your usual amount of useless junk and residual wastes -- much more, probably, including a backlog of stuff you may not have even realized was garbage until now.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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Thank your mother for the pain she endured while birthing you.
For three minutes on the first Friday of every month, close your eyes and imagine yourself riding a wild horse through a cemetery.
Fantasize that your so-called "dark side" is sweet and creamy.
When you come home after a day of triumphs, take out the garbage.
Dream you're a red-tailed hawk soaring over a shopping mall.
Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you.
Buy seven used gowns worn by famous actresses to the Academy Awards show, and send them gratis to seven Guatemalan teenagers.
Visualize two versions of yourself, one male and one female, holding hands as they gaze into a reflection of the moon on a river.
Keep an image of a sphinx with you at all times.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.