The U.K. newspaper The Independent reports that avid reader Mark Bastable consumed the collected works of D.H. Lawrence and found "not a single laugh, not a wry chuckle, not even a quiet grin in the entire po-faced oeuvre." If that's true, I say we put an asterisk on the covers of his books, similar to the mark that will go on the home run record of the allegedly steroid-enhanced baseball star Barry Bonds. In D.H.'s case, the asterisk will denote that he won a place in the literature hall of fame despite having never expressed the second-most essential human emotion. In any case, Virgo, don't you dare read Lawrence in the next four weeks. You need to be surrounded by influences that will encourage you to look for humor and amusement in every single thing you do.

This week, my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES will feature Part 3 of my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008. Tune in! Start brainstorming about the adventures that could be in store for you in the coming months. (P.S. Part 1 and Part 2 of your Year-End Predictions, which I offered the last two weeks, are also still available.)