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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny

Week of December 13th, 2007


(May 21-June 20)
In Big Russ and Me, a memoir about growing up, journalist Tim Russert writes a lot about what he learned from his father. Here's one story: Whenever a family member accidentally broke some glass, his dad took extraordinary precautions wrapping up the shards in a sealed box before depositing them in the trash can. Why? Because he wanted to be sure the garbagemen wouldn't cut their hands. I urge you to be that conscientious in the coming week, Gemini. Imagine in detail the impact your actions might have on all the people, both known and unknown, whose lives you touch. The gods will reward you for doing so.

How much do you want to know about your destiny in the coming week? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES


In some spiritual traditions, devotees attempt an arduous process of self-transformation as they retrain themselves to perceive the world from God's point of view. If they succeed, they're honored with an initiation ritual and given a new sacred name to consecrate their altered state.

In my opinion, you've done work equivalent to the rigorous labor of those devotees. You may not have sequestered yourself for years in a mountaintop monastery, and you may not have risen every morning at 5 a.m. to say prayers for hours. Instead, your spiritual transformation has unfolded as you've dealt with the challenges of daily life during our epic moment in history, when unprecedented levels of destruction and creation are the norm.

You have earned the right, therefore, to enjoy an initiation that will welcome you into the pantheon of bodhisattvas, saints, wizards, and avatars. It doesn't have to be long and complicated, and you can create it yourself. As an example of what you might do, here's a ritual that some Beauty and Truth Laboratory's initiates have performed: 1. Eat a pinch of dirt to declare your solidarity with Mother Earth. 2. Burn a five-dollar bill to purify your relationship with symbols of wealth. 3. Kick yourself in the ass to affirm your ongoing intention to discipline your shadow.

As one of your initiatory rewards, you can adopt a fresh spiritual tag. There's no need to abandon your existing name; just add your new alias to the mix.

Here is a list of Native American-style titles and names you might want to steal for your own use. Feel free to dream up your own, of course: Wild Face . . . Shadow Wrestler . . . Kiss Genius . . . Boink Worthy . . . Fizzy Nectar . . . Rumbler . . . Rowdy Gusto . . . Bliss Mutator . . . Silky Banger . . . Painkiller . . . Mango Sucker . . . Fire Keeper . . . Wobble Binder . . . Earthshaker . . . Wish Crayon . . . Thumper . . . Gut Stormer . . . Storm Tamer . . . Goal Thwacker . . . Thrill Witch . . . Phoenix Nectar . . . Mucho Gusto Coco Loco . . . Pearly Thunder . . . Free Sigh
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.