This would be an excellent time for you to visit terminally ill patients in a hospice or go on a tour of a maximum security prison. To take maximum advantage of the current cosmic opportunities, you might also travel to the Slum Theme Park in Americus, Georgia, where Habitat for Humanity has built replicas of the leaky-roofed, earthen-floored, bug-infested huts that so many millions of the world's poor call home. In other words, Aries, I recommend that you give yourself firsthand exposure to people whose problems are much more demanding than yours. To do so at this juncture in your life's journey would provide a helpful shock that would inspire you to conquer the personal challenge you find most daunting.

No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge in the coming week if you tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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Congratulations. Every cell in your perfect animal body is beginning to purr with luminous gratitude for the enormity of the riches you endlessly receive. You are becoming aware that each of your heart’s beats originates as a gift of love directly from the Goddess herself. Any residues of hatred that had been tainting your libido are leaving you for good. You are becoming telepathically linked to the world’s entire host of secret teachers, pacifist warriors, philosopher clowns, and bodhisattvas disguised as convenience store clerks.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

These last two weeks before the solstice will stir up a vortex of novelty in your depths. Among the sparkly surprises swirling around down there will be some shimmering intuitions about your life in 2008. So stay on high alert, Taurus. Snag every one of those prophetic glimpses. Here are questions to focus your attention: What new interests are gestating within you? How is life asking you to modify your ideas about who you are? What do you suspect will be your best three creations in the coming year?

What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints about the week ahead, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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"The task of genius, and humanity is nothing if not genius, is to keep the miracle alive, to live always in the miracle, to make the miracle more and more miraculous, to swear allegiance to nothing, but live only miraculously, think only miraculously, die miraculously." —Henry Miller
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

I love how electrifyingly your intelligence works, Gemini -- how fast you can comprehend things that other people require many twists and turns to grasp. But I don't love how your quick mind sometimes alienates you from those who are moving more slowly than you, and I don't love it when that undermines your ability to capitalize on your brilliance. Fortunately, I don't think this will be a problem in the coming days. From what I can tell, you will have uncanny fun without making any karmic messes as your brainpower generates breathtaking feats of voluminous understanding.

Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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We will ignore the cult of doom and gloom and embrace the cause of zoom and boom. We will laugh at the stupidity of evil and hate, and summon the brilliance to praise and create. No matter how upside-down it all may temporarily appear, we will have no fear because we know this secret: Life is crazily in love with us—wildly and innocently in love with us. The universe always gives us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Hell isn't an imaginary place dreamed up to scare the faithful, according to Pope Benedict XVI. He says sinners are actually tortured by fire for all eternity. My opinion is that his crazy talk is less worthy of consideration than the rants of the homeless guy downtown who thinks evil reptilian extraterrestrials have taken over George Bush's brain. To prime you for this week's advice, I ask you to purge any tendency you might have to believe in cartoony notions of hell like the Pope's. That will free you to meditate on the possibility that we do in fact ultimately suffer for the pain we cause others. Not by being literally tortured in a demonic realm, not at the hands of a "devil," but rather by the ugliness we have unleashed inside us. It's a good week for you to spend quality time in your personal hell, Cancerian, making up for any hurtful or greedy or unconscious things you may have done in 2007. (P.S. You're not any guiltier than the rest of us; it's just that this is a good time for you to atone.)

How much do you want to know about your destiny in the coming week? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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Pronoia means that even if we can’t see and don’t know, primal benefactors are plotting to emancipate us. The winds and tides are on our side, forever and ever, amen. The fire and rain are scheming to steal our pain. The sun and moon know our real names, and the animals pray for us while we’re dreaming. Do you believe in guardian angels and divine helpers? Whether you do or not, they’re always wangling to give you the gifts you don’t even realize you want. Can you guess how many humble humans are busy making things for you to use and enjoy?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

To many Tibetan Buddhists, the snow lion is a symbol of fearless joy, which is a cornerstone of their spiritual practice. I trust that in 2007 you have learned a lot about this sublime quality, and I hope you will make it the basis of your daily rhythm in 2008. These last two weeks before the solstice will be an excellent time to integrate all the teachings you've absorbed about fearless joy, and to prime yourself to take your mastery to the next level. What other terms can you come up with to describe this superpower? How about "brave bliss," "aggressive happiness," or "fierce pleasure"?

Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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Thousands of things go right for you every day, beginning the moment you wake up. The vast majority of everything is working with breathtaking efficiency and consistency. You would clearly be deluded to imagine that life is primarily an ordeal.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

In some places, you can't buy a gun 15 minutes after you get an itch to hold it in your hand. In America, for example, a few of the states force you to delay your purchase for a short time. Many countries also require couples seeking marriage licenses to endure a cooling-off period of a few days before they can officially tie the knot. I urge you to adopt this approach to making important decisions, Virgo. Impose a waiting period on yourself if you're thinking about acquiring heavy artillery, intensifying your relationship commitment, altering your consciousness, or initiating any other big action.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny in the coming week, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart—even as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

You're coming to the climax of the season of fertile tension and productive arguments. (Let's hope you haven't allowed it to devolve into the season of fruitless disputes and awkward silence.) As you prepare to harvest the full potential of the opportunities that have been made available, I offer you three pieces of advice from the French essayist Joseph Joubert. (1) "Never cut what you can untie." (2) "It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it." (3) "The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress."

Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life in the coming week? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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What if the Creator is like Rainer Maria Rilke's God, "like a webbing made of a hundred roots, that drink in silence"? What if the Source of All Life inhabits both the dark and the light, heals with strange splendor as much as with sweet insight, is hermaphroditic and omnisexual? What if the Source loves to give you riddles that push you past the boundaries of your understanding, forcing you to deepen your perceptions and change the way you think about everything? Close your eyes and imagine you can sense the presence of this tender, marvelous, difficult, entertaining intelligence.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

You won't believe how talented you're going to be at blending pragmatism and idealism in the coming days, Scorpio. You may be amazed at your knack for being down to earth and up in the clouds at the same time. Among the feats you could accomplish are the following: making money from doing what you love; acquiring crucial nuts and bolts for a long-deferred fantasy; and turning lead into gold just in time to make a big down payment on a dream boat, dream home, or dream trip.

What blessings will life bring you in the coming week? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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If you've ever watched The Simpsons TV show, you've probably heard Homer Simpson's favorite toast. "To alcohol," he proclaims, "the cause of and solution to all of life's problems." My own salute is different. "To the Divine Trickster formerly known as God," I say, "the cause of and solution to all of life's problems." Compose a prayer in which you simultaneously curse and thank the Primal Source.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

A man in Santiago, Chile won $250,000 in a contest held by his bank. There was only one catch: In accepting the money, Mario Habit had to abide by the bank's stipulation that he spend all of his winnings in one day. Summoning a manically relaxed concentration, he succeeded, paying off his substantial debts while also buying two cars and three apartments. I believe a comparable opportunity is about to come your way, Sagittarius. You will be offered a new resource or blessing that has to be used quickly in order for it to be fully available and effective.

Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks in the coming week? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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For some seekers, spiritual enlightenment is the ultimate commodity. They believe that through diligent meditation and self-improvement, there will come a day when it will no longer elude their grasp. Breaking through to the singular state of cosmic consciousness, they will forever after own it, free and clear. Permanently illuminated! Never to backslide into the dull ignominy of normal human awareness!

Here's what I have to say about that: It's a delusion.

The fact is, the nature of perfection is always mutating. What constitutes enlightenment today will always be different tomorrow. Even if you're fortunate and wise enough to score a sliver of "enlightenment," it's not a static treasure that becomes your indestructible, everlasting possession. Rather, it remains a mercurial knack that must be continually re-earned.

If you want to befriend the Divine Wow, you must not only be willing to change ceaselessly—you have to love to change ceaselessly.

Lucky you: All of creation is conspiring to help you live like that.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

The phrase "new roses" can serve as an antidote to neurosis in the coming days -- as a kind of magical spell. Invoke it whenever you're in danger of getting undermined by either your own neurosis or someone else's. If you notice, for instance, that your subconscious mind is spiraling down into a sour fantasy stirred up by one of your habitual fears, start muttering a cheerful round of "new roses, new roses, new roses." If your allies engage in compulsive behavior that they tend to get stuck in when stress overflows, chant "new roses, new roses, new roses" in a blithe, sing-song tone.

Where do you want to go in the coming week? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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The poet Muriel Rukeyser said the universe is composed of stories, not of atoms. The physicist Werner Heisenberg declared that the universe is made of music, not of matter. And we believe that if you habitually expose yourself to toxic stories and music, you could wind up living in the wrong universe, where it’s impossible to become the gorgeous genius you were born to be. That’s why we implore you to nourish yourself with delicious, nutritious tales and tunes that inspire you to exercise your willpower for your highest good.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Few people realize that in the 15th century the Buddha was canonized as a saint by the Roman Catholic Church. He was officially called Saint Josaphat, a name that's derived from the word "bodhisattva," which refers to a deeply compassionate person devoted to becoming an enlightened being. Virtually every element of Josaphat's life story as reported by the Church is a duplicate of the original legends about the Buddha. I expect to see a comparable theme unfold in your life in the coming weeks, Aquarius. I bet you will get credit or receive an honor or be given an acknowledgement that seems rather accidental, or comes from an unexpected source. Like the Buddha, you will richly deserve the reward, even though it may feel odd or askew at first.

Want to explore the coming week even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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Ralph Waldo Emerson: "He who is in love is wise and becoming wiser, sees newly every time he looks at the object beloved, drawing from it with his eyes and his mind those virtues which it possesses."
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: "Love, love, love: That is the soul of genius."
Krishnamurti: "The problem, if you love it, is as beautiful as the sunset."
Henry David Thoreau: "There is no remedy for love but to love more."
Erica Jong: "Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

How would you go about relocating Tanzania's Mt. Kilimanjaro to the south of France? How might you undo and fix the debacle of America's occupation of Iraq? What steps could you take to creatively disrupt the pathological family patterns that have knocked you off-center for years? In 2008, I predict that you will have extraordinary potential to solve impossible problems like those. More than ever before, you will be able to attract the help and summon the inspiration necessary to accomplish goals that have previously seemed beyond your power. And it all starts now, Pisces.

Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out you EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens’ novel David Copperfield. Buy a blank book and write that sentence at the top of page one.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.