When my friend Keith and I were in college in the early 1980s, we were extravagant ambassadors for poetry. On weekends we'd roam from party to party, reciting Neruda poems to audiences of drunk punks and declaiming Ginsberg verses as we teetered on the tops of cars. On occasion we'd scrawl our own poems on the walls of strange living rooms or improvise surrealistic spoken-word rants in the streets, begging for alms. Years later, I write a syndicated astrology column that might be described as a stealth poetry invasion, and Keith is a producer for a national news broadcast, onto which he sometimes brings noted poets to close the show with a lyrical splash. So now I ask you, Aquarius: What raw passion would you like to turn into a polished gig in the future? Now is a good time to make a deep commitment to it.

Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day.
Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.
Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs.
Think of the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there.
Test to see if people are really listening to you by asserting that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.
Track down people who are impossible to love, and love them defiantly without expecting anything in return.
Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire.
Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you.
Once a year, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious."

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.