To get misguided tips about how to invest, check out Henry Blodget's "The Complete Bad Advice Column" (tinyurl.com/ys4al8). For crabby, mean-spirited counsel about how to conduct your personal life, listen to Dr. Laura's syndicated radio show (drlaura.com). For silly chatter about trivial subjects, read the "most intelligent woman in the world," Marilyn vos Savant (marilynvossavant.com). But if, on the other hand, you'd like brilliant guidance about where to direct your substantial life energy next, tap into your own intuition. The astrological omens suggest that it's working better now than it ever has. It's far more useful to you than any so-called expert's blatherings.

Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Congratulations. Every cell in your perfect animal body is beginning to purr with luminous gratitude for the enormity of the riches you endlessly receive. You are becoming aware that each of your heart’s beats originates as a gift of love directly from the Goddess herself. Any residues of hatred that had been tainting your libido are leaving you for good. You are becoming telepathically linked to the world’s entire host of secret teachers, pacifist warriors, philosopher clowns, and bodhisattvas disguised as convenience store clerks.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Powells and Amazon.