The outsourcing of fortune-telling is well underway. Psychics and astrologers from India have been showering me with email invitations to take advantage of their services. "By the grace of the towering flames of goodness that burn the roof of our temple," said one, "we have pledged to slave away our lives to cause the happy encroachment of bubbling karma on your masterful head. We will coax and guide the effects of various planets on the living accidents of your health so as to ease your slippery ride." I suspect you'll soon get puzzling offers of help like this, Taurus. You may even be given gifts you can barely make sense of and receive blessings that seem irrelevant or unlike anything you imagined you needed. My advice: Don't ignore them. They will ultimately turn out to be quite useful.

What blessings will life bring you? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Celebrate Unhappy Hour at least once a month. During this ritual blowout, you have license to complain and rant about everything that's driving you crazy. Get a sympathetic listener to be your receptacle or deliver your blast straight into the mirror. If you prefer, write it all down. One way or another, grouse nonstop about your secret shame, raw sorrow, bottomless wrath, unspeakable guilt, and unnerving twists of destiny. Feel free to unleash guttural moans or rueful cackles.

If performed regularly, Unhappy Hour serves as an exorcism that empties you of psychic toxins. Pronoia will then have a chance to flourish as you luxuriate more frequently in rosy moods and broad-minded visions.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Powells and Amazon.