Columnist Jon Carroll once listed the 100 best human artifacts. They included things like clocks, screwdrivers, shoelaces, and Band-aids. But in your horoscope this week, I especially want to call your attention to the following items from his master list: pillows, mirrors, balls, masks, swings, lipstick, stirrups, playing cards, and pear nectar. There's a good chance that these best-ever creations will be featured in the effervescent adventurers you'll soon have. Or at least they should be featured.

My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

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You're a star—and so am I. I'm a genius—and so are you. Your success encourages my brilliance, and my charisma enhances your power. Your victory doesn't require my defeat, and vice versa. Those are the rules in the New World—quite unlike the rules in the Old World, where zero-sum games are the norm, and only one of us can win each time we play. In the New World, you don't have to play down or apologize for your prowess, because you love it when other people shine. You exult in your own excellence without regarding it as a sign of inherent superiority. As you ripen more and more of your latent aptitude, you inspire the rest of us to claim our own idiosyncratic magnificence.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.