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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny

Week of October 19th, 2006


(February 19-March 20)
"What's irritating about love is that it's a crime that requires an accomplice," said French poet Baudelaire. This is a perfect brainteaser for you to contemplate right now, Pisces. Start your musings by trying to figure out what the hell he meant. Ask yourself, in what sense is love a crime? Obviously, he's not saying it's literally a felony or misdemeanor. Is he implying, then, that love, when practiced correctly, disrupts routine, disorganizes the orderly flow, and violates conventional wisdom? That's what I conclude, but you may have a different opinion. Let's also meditate on why Baudelaire thought it's irritating that loves requires an accomplice. Personally, I don't understand that. While I enjoy breaking the rules of respectable behavior by myself, I also find it exhilarating to have a co-conspirator. What do you say?

My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.


Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day.
Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.
Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs.
Think of the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there.
Test to see if people are really listening to you by asserting that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.
Track down people who are impossible to love, and love them defiantly without expecting anything in return.
Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire.
Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you.
Once a year, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious."

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.