"Do you know what insomniac dyslexic philosophers do?" asked one of the 20th century's great thinkers, Terence McKenna. "They stay up all night wondering if dog really exists." That just happens to be your assignment, Aries--whether or not you're an insomniac dyslexic philosopher. It's time, in other words, for you to intensify your exploration of life's deepest questions--even as you remember to do so with sparkling good humor and the intention not to take yourself too damn seriously.

My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

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Imagine it's 30 years from now. You're looking back at the history of your relationship with desire. There was a certain watershed moment when you clearly saw that some of your desires were mediocre, inferior, and wasteful, while others were pure, righteous, and invigorating. Beginning then, you made it a life goal to purge the former and cultivate the latter. Thereafter, you occasionally wandered down dead ends trying to gratify yearnings that weren't worthy of you, but usually you wielded your passions with discrimination, dedicating them to serve the highest and most interesting good.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.