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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of September 28th, 2006

♈ ARIES

(March 21-April 19)
Love isn't as simple as you wish it would be. On the other hand, it's nowhere near as complicated as you fear it is. My advice to you is to extinguish any itch you might have to compel love to serve any agenda at whatsoever. Instead, bow down before it with all the innocence you can muster, and declare yourself ready to be its humble student and servant. Celebrate through surrender.


Where do you want to go in the coming week? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope.

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At the heart of the pronoiac way of life is an apparent conundrum: You can have anything you want if you'll just ask for it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out exactly how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

♉ TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)
"Dear StarMan: I want to be a famous actress like Scarlett Johansson. I know my natural talent is as good as hers, but I'm not especially beautiful. On one of those 'am I hot or not?' websites, I was rated 3.2 out of 10. Can you look into my future and see if I'll ever make it big in Hollywood? And would it help if I got cosmetic surgery? - Taurus Dreamer." Dear Taurus: It's a favorable time for you Tauruses to explore ways you might be kidding yourselves about your destiny. So let me ask you this: Does the dream you articulated express the primal truth about your purpose here on earth? Or is it a fantasy your ego has fabricated out of a deluded longing to pursue inappropriate ambitions that won't satisfy you in the long run? Instead of saying, "I want to be a famous actress," try this desire on for size: "I want to be a good actress."


Want to explore the coming week even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope.

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Rainer Maria Rilke: "For one human being to love another is the most difficult task of all. It’s the work for which all other work is mere preparation."
Teilhard de Chardin: "Someday after we have mastered the winds, the waves, and gravity, we will harness for God the energies of love; and then for a second time in the history of the world, human beings will have discovered fire."
Leo Tolstoy: "Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love."
Blaise Pascal: "If you do not love too much, you do not love enough."
Emily Dickinson: "Until you have loved, you cannot become yourself."

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

♊ GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)
When I was in Seattle recently, I was impressed with the extravagant requests of three seedy-looking homeless guys downtown. Their cardboard signs made it clear they wanted far more than the usual alms. "Need cash to buy fuel for my Lear jet," read one. "Girlfriend needs liposuction--please help defray costs" and "Desperately need new set of golf clubs for golf date with Donald Trump" said the other two. Draw inspiration from these cheeky fellows. Dream really, really big; ask for more than you've dared to before.


Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope.

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You're a star—and so am I. I'm a genius—and so are you. Your success encourages my brilliance, and my charisma enhances your power. Your victory doesn't require my defeat, and vice versa. Those are the rules in the New World—quite unlike the rules in the Old World, where zero-sum games are the norm, and only one of us can win each time we play. In the New World, you don't have to play down or apologize for your prowess, because you love it when other people shine. You exult in your own excellence without regarding it as a sign of inherent superiority. As you ripen more and more of your latent aptitude, you inspire the rest of us to claim our own idiosyncratic magnificence.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

♋ CANCERIAN

(June 21-July 22)
Is your schedule too rigid to allow magic to seep in? Then mutate that schedule, please. Is your brain so crammed with knowledgeable opinions that no fresh perceptions can crack their way in? Then flush out some of those opinions. Is your heart so puckered by the stings of the past that it can't burst forth with any expansive new invitations? Then unpucker your heart, for God's sake.


No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge in the coming week if you tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope.

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While you and I are together here:
Your favorite phrase is flux gusto
The colors of your soul are sable, vermilion, ivory, and jade
Your magic talisman is a thousand-year-old Joshua tree whose flowers blossom just one night each year and can only be pollinated by the yucca moth
Your holiest pain comes from your yearning to change yourself in the exact way you’d like the world around you to change
Your soil of destiny is peat moss
Your mythic symbol is a treasure chest dislodged from its hiding place in the earth by a flood
Your lucky number is 13 to the 13th power
Your sweet spot is in between the true believers and the scoffing skeptics
A clutch of frog eggs from an unpolluted river is your auspicious hair-care product
The anonymous celebrity with whom you have most in common is the jesterwho followed Buddha around and kept him loose
The question that perks you up when your routine becomes too rote is this: What possesses the bar-tailed godwit to migrate annually from Alaska to New Zealand by hitching rides on gale-force winds?

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

♌ LEO

(July 23-August 22)
Picture a bridge that once upon a time allowed cars to cross over a river, but that now has nothing but hard dirt and scrubby bushes beneath it. In other words, the river that once compelled the building of the bridge has dried up. This is a useful symbol for you. Metaphorically speaking, you're thinking about erecting a bridge over a barrier that won't be a barrier much longer. If you wait a while, it won't be necessary to do all that work.


What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints about the week ahead, listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope.

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Imagine that you have been relieved of your responsibilities for a given time. They will be taken care of by people you trust. You won't have to work to make money during this grace period, but will be given all you need. Nor will you have to clean your house, wash your clothes, or buy and make your food. Now here's the big question: What will you do now that you are free to do anything you like?

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

♍ VIRGO

(August 23-September 22)
Jeff Greenwald (www.ethicaltraveler.com) has traveled extensively all over the planet for the last quarter of a century. "Do the citizens of the world revile us Americans more each year?" I asked him. He said that while millions upon millions have come to despise the U.S. government, most don't actually hate us, the American people. That's because they know firsthand the corruption and tyranny of their own countries' politicians, and so they don't hold our awful government against us. Let this distinction serve as a guide for you, Virgo. The time is right for you to fight inept institutions and rotten traditions and bad ideas, but without hating anyone.


Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your Expanded Audio Horoscope.

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Pronoia is the antidote for paranoia. It’s the understanding that the universe is fundamentally friendly. It’s a mode of training your senses and intellect so you’re able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it. Are you interested in becoming a wildly disciplined, fiercely tender, scrupulously curious, aggressively sensitive, lyrically logical, lustfully compassionate Master of Rowdy Bliss? Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

♎ LIBRA

(September 23-October 22)
Emilio Estevez was experiencing writer's block as he worked on a screenplay about the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy. In his desperation to get unstuck, he jumped in his car and started driving north along the California coast. He stopped at the first random motel that had a vacancy, resolved to make this the place he'd plow ahead on the screenplay. The motel clerk recognized Estevez's famous face and asked him what he was up to. When he told her about his stalled project, she gasped. She had been at the Ambassador Hotel in L.A. on June 4 and 5, 1968, the place and time Kennedy was killed. As she told Estevez her recollections of that night, he felt his writer's block dissolving. In the ensuing days, he wrote up a storm. I predict, Libra, that you're about to experience a similar synchronicity. It will jump-start a labor of love that has been on hold.


How much do you want to know about your destiny in the coming week? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope.

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It's time for the Gratitude Fest. Write thank-you notes to the creatures, both human and otherwise, that have played seminal roles in inspiring you to become yourself. Who have been your guides along the way, both the purposeful teachers and the inadvertent helpers? Who has seen you for who you really are? Who has nudged you in the direction of your fuller destiny and awakened you to your signature truths? Who has loved you very, very well?

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

♏ SCORPIO

(October 23-November 21)
Last year actress Michelle Rodriguez was arrested for drunk driving in Hawaii. She was given the choice of spending five days in prison or doing 240 hours of community service. She surprised everyone by choosing to be incarcerated. Some observers theorized that she felt it would be a good chance to do research for future film roles as a bad girl. Rodriguez said, "I'm a gypsy. I can see beauty in a jail cell." While I'm not predicting you'll end up behind bars in the coming week, Scorpio, I do suspect you'll have a bout with limitation. If you do, regard it as an invitation to accomplish three things: (1) Develop more compassion for people who've undergone comparable adventures; (2) expand your ability to find beauty in challenging circumstances; (3) cultivate your skill at creating opportunities for yourself in the midst of perplexity.


Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your Expanded Audio Horoscope.

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George prayed every day for three years to win the lottery, but never heard from God or hit the jackpot.
Finally, God woke him up in the middle of the night. "George, is that you who's been praying so hard to win the lottery?" the Supreme Being boomed.
"Yes, Lord, desperately!"
God paused for a moment, then said thoughtfully, "George, I'll tell you what. I want you to meet me halfway. Buy a ticket, OK?"

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

♐ SAGITTARIUS

(November 22-December 21)
Miami's Hotel Victor has a "vibe manager" on the staff. This person's job is to ensure that the hotel's ambiance is soothing and cheerful. As I see it, Sagittarius, one of your important tasks right now is to be a vibe manager for the environments you share with people. (It's in your selfish interests to do so.) In addition to keeping the atmosphere relaxing, however, you should also keep it invigorating. Don't let comfort lapse into stagnancy.


Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny in the coming week, check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope.

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"If you bring forth the genius within you," said Jesus in the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas, "it will free you. If you do not bring forth the genius within you, it will destroy you." Is there any aspect of the genius within you that you're not bringing forth? If so, what can you do to change that?

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

♑ CAPRICORN

(December 22-January 19)
"It's not whoring if you do it for free," read both of the matching t-shirts on a couple I saw at a San Francisco café. Being a curious sort, I went up and asked them what exact activity they were referring to. "He loves to give away his top-notch psycho-spiritual advice," the woman said, pointing to her companion, "and I love to give out compliments without expecting anything in return. Need any free advice or compliments?" Her earnest statements were in sharp contrast to the glib humor of the t-shirt quip. The next day, as I meditated on your astrological omens, I realized my experience with them was a foreshadowing of the oracle I should give you. Here it is: Be both playful and sincere as you deepen your commitment to generosity. Cultivate a blithe intensity as you bestow more of your gifts on the world.


Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life in the coming week? Listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope.

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"The secret of life," said sculptor Henry Moore to poet Donald Hall, "is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for your whole life. And the most important thing is—it must be something you cannot possibly do." What is that task for you?

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

♒ AQUARIUS

(January 20- February 18)
"Your job," my philosophy teacher Norman O. Brown told me back in 1981, "is to find the holy in the mundane, and, failing that, to create the holy in the mundane." I've done my best to carry out his directions all these years. Now I'm going to ask you to do your part, Aquarius. Believe it or not, one of your important tasks in the coming week is to feel awe and reverence while you're in the midst of the everyday routine. Penetrate to the deeper layers as you seek out divine beauty that gently shocks you into a state of heightened awareness.


What blessings will life bring you in the coming week? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope.

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Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart—even as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

♓ PISCES

(February 19-March 20)
In her role as DJ Debi Newberry in the film Grosse Pointe Blank, Minnie Driver defines the term shakabuku as a swift spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever. I think you're due for one of those blessings-in-disguise, though I also believe you can avoid it if you really want to. One way to prevent its delivery would be to hide in your room and ferociously repress every unruly emotion that threatens to rise to the surface. A preferable strategy would be to figure out why you might need a swift spiritual kick in the head and then take action to change the awkward situation that would require the kick's arrival.


Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks in the coming week? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your Expanded Audio Horoscope.

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These are the rewards promised you at the beginning of time: not just any old beauty, wisdom, goodness, love, freedom, and justice, but rather exhilarating beauty that incites you to be true to yourself; crazy wisdom that immunizes you against the temptation to believe your ideals are ultimate truths; outrageous goodness that inspires you to experiment with irrepressible empathy; generous freedom that keeps you alert for opportunities to share your wealth; insurrectionary love that endlessly transforms you; and a lust for justice that’s leavened with a knack for comedy, keeping you honest as you work humbly to liberate everyone in the world from ignorance and suffering.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.


Listen to Rob's Expanded Audio Horoscopes, updated weekly.



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