Go against the flow. Buck the system. Push the river. Entertain the possibility that everything you know is at least half-wrong. Do you catch my drift, Aries? What I'm trying to tell you is, champion the underdog. Ignore the obvious. Disprove the conventional wisdom. Bet on the dark horse. Be a devil's advocate. Shall I continue my rant until you have absolutely no doubt what your mission is? Buy a new goldfish and name it "Jaws." Figure out a way to lick your own elbow. Eat with your non-dominant hand. Say prayers while you're having sex. Acquire a pet mosquito. Watch TV while standing on your head.

No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge in the coming week if you tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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When you're an aspiring master of pronoia, you see the cracks in the facades as opportunities; inspiration erupts as you careen over bumps in the road; you love the enticing magic that flows from situations that other people regard as rough or crooked. "That which is not slightly distorted lacks sensible appeal," wrote poet Charles Baudelaire, "from which it follows that irregularity--that is to say, the unexpected, surprise and astonishment--is an essential part and characteristic of beauty."

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Barnes & Noble and Amazon.