Yawning often occurs during the time we're transitioning from a passive state to a more active one, like when we're waking up in the morning or when we've decided to stop watching TV, get up off the couch, and head out for a jog. Psychology professor Robert Provine, an expert on the subject, says that concert pianists and Olympic athletes typically yawn as they gear up for their moments in the limelight. Judging from these facts, Aries, I imagine you'll soon be indulging in more yawns than usual. You're about to go from a phase of relative inertness to one of mind-jiggling adventure.

Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. To hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "3 Weeks Ago (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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Celebrate Unhappy Hour at least once a month. During this ritual blowout, you have license to complain and rant about everything that's driving you crazy. Get a sympathetic listener to be your receptacle or deliver your blast straight into the mirror. If you prefer, write it all down. One way or another, grouse nonstop about your secret shame, raw sorrow, bottomless wrath, unspeakable guilt, and unnerving twists of destiny. Feel free to unleash guttural moans or rueful cackles.

If performed regularly, Unhappy Hour serves as an exorcism that empties you of psychic toxins. Pronoia will then have a chance to flourish as you luxuriate more frequently in rosy moods and broad-minded visions.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Surveys show that two out of every ten people have bought stuff they found out about through e-mail spam. While you're no doubt too sophisticated to be among that number, you might want to open your mind a bit to the possibility. That's because the astrological omens suggest you may soon receive useful information and out-of-the-blue inspiration from sources you've ignored in the past--even chattering gossipers and questionable teachers and TV news shows. Don't be too sure you already know where your juiciest clues will be coming from.

What blessings will life bring you? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. To hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "3 Weeks Ago (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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Yua is a term the Yupiit people of Alaska use for the spirit that inhabits all things, both animate and inanimate. A rock, for instance, has as much yua as a caribou, spruce tree, or human being, and therefore merits the same measure of compassion. If a Yupiit goes out for a hike and spies a chunk of wood lying on a frozen river bank, she might pick it up and put it in a new position, allowing its previously hidden side to get fresh air and sun. In this way, she would bestow a blessing on the wood's yua. (Source: Earl Shorris, "The Last Word," Harper's, August 2000)
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Florida's Pensacola Christian College has a strict code of conduct that regulates the interaction of male and female students. One of the forbidden acts is "optical intercourse," also known as "making eye babies." This occurs when two people gaze into each other's eyes too long and too deeply. Luckily, you don't attend Pensacola Christian College, and will thus face no prohibitions if you choose to carry out my astrological advice: Make eye babies in abundance during the coming week. This is the best time in eons for you to build soul-to-soul intimacy with those who've earned your exuberant trust. P.S. If you don't have a lover with whom you want to make eye babies, do it with a good friend, with a favorite animal, or with yourself in a mirror.

Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. To hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "3 Weeks Ago (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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If you've ever watched The Simpsons TV show, you've probably heard Homer Simpson's favorite toast. "To alcohol," he proclaims, "the cause of and solution to all of life's problems." My own salute is different. "To the Divine Trickster formerly known as God," I say, "the cause of and solution to all of life's problems." Compose a prayer in which you simultaneously curse and thank the Primal Source.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

A literature professor told me an amazing fact: Many of Emily Dickinson's poems can be sung to the tune of the traditional folk song "The Yellow Rose of Texas." (Try it with the poem that begins "The soul should always stand ajar," which you can read here. To hear the music, go here.) I like this unexpected resonance between high art and rustic style, between subtleness of mind and earthy feelings, between elite ideas and populist execution. Furthermore, I recommend that you yourself try similar blends in the coming week.

Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. To hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "3 Weeks Ago (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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You are a metropolis of 50 trillion citizens, says biologist Dr. Bruce Lipton. Each of the cells in your body can be considered a sentient being in its own right. They all act together as a community, performing an ongoing act of prodigious collaboration.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

"Nature loves courage," said visionary philosopher Terence McKenna. "It shows you it loves courage because it will respond to your brave commitment by removing impossible obstacles." While I believe this is always true, Leo, it's especially apropos for you right now. You've fallen short of your potential because you have not yet summoned more than a fraction of the boldness that lies within you. But this is a turning point when you finally have what it takes to tap into your dormant reserves. I hope you rise to the occasion, and so does nature.

Want to explore the future even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. To hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "3 Weeks Ago (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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Thousands of amazing, inexplicable, wondrous, and even supernatural events occur every day. And yet most are unreported by the media. The few that are cited are ridiculed. Why? Here's one possible reason: The people most likely to believe in miracles are superstitious, uneducated, and prone to having a blind, literalist faith in their religions' myths. Those who are least likely to believe in miracles are skilled at analytical thought, well-educated, and yet prone to having a blind, literalist faith in the ideology of materialism, which dogmatically asserts that the universe consists entirely of things that can be perceived by the five human senses or detected by instruments that scientists have thus far invented.

The media is largely composed of people from the second group. It's virtually impossible for them to admit to the possibility of miracles, let alone experience them. If anyone from this group manages to escape peer pressure and cultivate a receptivity to miracles, it's because they have successfully fought against being demoralized by the unsophisticated way miracles are framed by the first group.

At the Beauty and Truth Laboratory we're immune to the double-barreled ignorance. When we behold astonishing synchronicities and numinous breakthroughs that seem to violate natural law, we're willing to consider the possibility that our understanding of natural law is too narrow. And yet we also refrain from lapsing into irrational gullibility; we actively seek mundane explanations for apparent miracles.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

"What this country needs is a good five-cent reverie," philanthropist Paul Mellon once said. I completely agree. There are more than enough dreams that tempt us to spend a fortune . . . fantasies that cost a hundred million dollars to make . . . expensive head trips that distract us from enjoying the simple things in life. The astrological omens suggest that you keep this theme uppermost in your mind, Virgo. Focus on a marvelous reverie that will set you free for free. Daydream about a pearl of great price that you can have for a song.

Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. To hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "3 Weeks Ago (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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You Are Almost Everything

You taste delicious

Animals understand you

Your importance is unusual

The funny faces you make are interesting to look at

You fight for power in all the right ways

Gratitude pours out of you

You have strong feet

No one can overflow as well as you can

You are famous with God

A lost tribe salutes you from the other side of the veil

You belong to yourself
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Mother Jones magazine reports that the widow of Black Panther founder Huey Newton is trademarking his slogan "Burn, baby, burn" for use in marketing her new barbecue sauce. Meanwhile, the insurance company AFLAC has trademarked the quacking of the duck in its TV commercial, MGM has trademarked the roaring of its lion, and Pillsbury has trademarked the giggling of the Pillsbury Doughboy. Do you have a signature phrase, gesture, noise, trick, service, or product, Libra? This would be an excellent time for you to shelter it with a trademark, patent, copyright or other kind of protection.

No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge if you tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. To hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "3 Weeks Ago (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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The 17th-century surgeon Wilhelm Hilden had an interesting theory about healing. He developed a medicinal salve that he applied not to the wound itself but rather to the weapon that inflicted it. Though today we may sneer at such foolishness, the fact is that Hilden's approach has great potential if used for psychic wounds. Jesus understood this when he articulated the revolutionary formula, "Love your enemy." More than any other action, this strategy has the power to cure you of the distortions your enemy has unleashed in you. Try it out
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

In his book Cosmos and Psyche, Richard Tarnas says the planets don't emit invisible forces that shape our destinies as if we were puppets. Rather, they are signals of the unfolding evolutionary pattern. Just as clocks tell time but don't create it, the heavenly bodies show us the big picture but don't cause it. Quoting ancient Greek philosopher Plotinus, Tarnas writes "the stars are like letters that inscribe themselves at every moment in the sky. Everything in the world is full of signs. All events are coordinated. All things depend on each other. Everything breathes together." Can you work yourself into a state in which you perceive this sublime interconnectedness, Scorpio? You desperately need to. If you can, you won't have to be an astrologer to catch profound glimpses of the overarching purpose and meaning of your life. Everything in the world, not just the planets' positions, will be full of signs for you to read.

What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints, listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. To hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "3 Weeks Ago (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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The English language is in a state of rapid ferment. New words are barging into the dictionary at an unprecedented rate, even as old familiars fall into disuse. There's one exception to this trend: profanity. Hoary favorites like "fuck," "shit," and "asshole" have gained an acceptance unthinkable 30 years ago, but fresh curse words are rarely coined.

At the Beauty and Truth Lab, we find the overused classics inadequate for expressing our evolving rage at injustice, ignorance, and ugliness. Furthermore, as deadening clichés, they don't satisfy the pronoiac mandate to use language with sonorous precision.

There's another problem. Anger has become one of the trendiest emotions of all. In moderation it can be a righteous force for constructive change. But its hackneyed omnipresence means the vast majority of its outbreaks are trivial. The paucity of colorful obscenities is aggravated by an abundance of frivolous fury.

How can you purge the clichéd ire that dilutes the useful, inspired stuff? One good method is to make fun of it by expressing it bigger than life. Try this. Go alone to a place where it's safe to feel blind rage. Envision a person or thing you love to hate, then unleash the following mantra 15 times in the most vulgar tones possible: "You miasmic heap of shaved-off cemetery warts. You mangled preen of politicians' tongue scabs. You brackish tripe of experts' ego tinkles. You fragile crap of orphaned tyrants. You demented cluster of fickle weasel vows. You curdled slosh of rotting fracas-spawned opinions."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

As I take my daily bike ride into the hills, I pass a place where a beer-truck driver named Elijah lives. It's a trailer with old tires and rusty tools littering the driveway. Today there was a new addition: a 1975 Chevy El Camino, a vehicle that's like a car up front and a pick-up truck in back. It had a bumper sticker that read "Theresa and Johnny's Comfort Food -- Live Free or Die." The whole scene reminded me of the message I want to convey to you, Sagittarius. First, I believe you should bring into your sphere a fresh old thing that's an amalgam of two different categories, akin to Elijah acquiring a brand new 31-year-old vehicle that's half-car and half-truck. Second, I think you should make sure you feel extremely secure--stocking up on the equivalent of "comfort food"--as you initiate a major push for liberation.

Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. To hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "3 Weeks Ago (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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In order to live, you've got to be a demolisher. You take plants and animals that were once alive and rip them apart with your teeth, then disintegrate them in your digestive system.

Your body is literally on fire inside, burning up the oxygen you suck into your lungs.

You didn't actually cut down the trees used to make your house and furniture, but you colluded with their demise.

Then there's the psychological liquidation you've done: killing off old beliefs you've outgrown, for instance.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty—just pointing out that you have a lot of experience with positive expressions of destruction.

Can you think of other forms this magic takes? As an aspiring master of pronoia, it's one of your specialties--a talent you have a duty to wield with energetic grace.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

You: difficult to push around, more hungry for intimacy than you let on, smarter than 85 percent of the people you know. Me: provider of friendly shocks, fond of playing a didgeridoo in the rain at dusk and dawn, outrageously tolerant of other people's eccentricities. So is there any hope of a relationship between us? Well of course there is. We're having a relationship right now, aren't we? Maybe it's not the exact kind of connection you'd like to have with me, but you've got to admit there's value in it. Now please apply that lesson to your thinking about all your close alliances: Love them for what they are, and don't criticize them for what they're not.

How much do you want to know about your destiny? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the coming week. To hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "3 Weeks Ago (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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Cancer cells are constantly developing in our bodies. Luckily, our immune systems routinely kill them off. Similarly, our minds always harbor pockets of crazy-making misconceptions and faulty imprints. They usually don't rise up and render us insane thanks to the psychic versions of our immune systems.

How can you stay strong in your ability to fight off sickness and madness? You know the drill: Eat healthy food, sleep well, get physical exercise, minimize stress, give and receive love. But as an aspiring pronoiac, you have at your disposal other actions that can provide powerful boosts to your immune system. Here are examples:

Scheme to put yourself in the path of beautiful landscapes, buildings, art, and creatures.

Exercise your imagination regularly. Get in the habit of feeding your mind's eye images that fill you with wonder and vitality.

Eliminate uhs, you knows, I means, and other junk words from your speech. Avoid saying things you don't really mean and haven't thought out. Stop yourself when tempted to make scornful assertions about people.

Every night before you fall asleep, review the day's activities in your mind's eye. As if watching a movie about yourself, try to be calmly objective as you observe your memories from the previous 16 hours. Be especially alert for moments when you strayed from your purpose and didn't live up to your highest standards.

With a companion, sit in front of a turned-off TV as you make up a pronoiac story that features tricky benevolence, scintillating harmony, and amusing redemption. Speak this tale aloud or write it down.

Take on an additional job title, beautifier. Put it on your business card and do something every day to cultivate your skill. If you're a people person, bring grace and intrigue into your conversations; ask unexpected questions that provoke original thoughts. If you're an artist, leave samples of your finest work in public places. If you're a psychologist or sociologist, point out the institutions and relationships that are working really well. Whatever you do best, be alert for how you can refine it and offer it up to those who'll benefit from it.

If you're going through a phase when you feel you have nothing especially beautiful to offer, or if you think it would be self-indulgent to inject your own aesthetic into shared environments, turn for help to great artists and thinkers. Sneak O'Keeffe or Chagall prints onto unadorned walls in public places, for instance. Memorize poems by Rilke and Hafiz, and slip them into your conversations when appropriate. Program your cell phone so that its ring is Vivaldi's Stabat Mater in C Minor. Scrawl passages from Annie Dillard's Teaching a Stone to Talk on the walls of public lavatories.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

In one of his poems, the late, great Charles Olson praised "lovers of the difficult." He didn't mean that in some sadomasochistic sense; he wasn't cheering on people who perversely enjoy suffering. Rather, he meant to express his admiration for those whose lust for life drives them to seek answers to the knottiest questions. He was recommending that we wrestle with intractable problems whose solutions unleash blessings on the world. In the coming week, Aquarius, I encourage you to be one of these lovers of the difficult.

Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your destiny in greater depth in your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. To hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "3 Weeks Ago (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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The Shinto monks of Iso, Japan, have a curious custom. Every 20 years since the year 772, they've dismantled their central shrine and rebuilt it from scratch. In so doing, they pass down the knowledge of their sacred construction techniques from generation to generation. It's also an effective way for the monks to participate eagerly in the transitoriness of life, rather than merely being resigned to it. They practice the art of death and rebirth not just in meditation but through a practical long-term ritual.

Can you think of an analogous custom you might create for your personal use?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

The dance called the waltz is regarded as schmaltzy, but it was originally the punk music of its era. After its first appearance in England in 1816, an editorial in The Times called it obscene, a dance worthy only of prostitutes, because of its "voluptuous intertwining of the limbs and close compressure on the bodies." Religious authorities in Europe thought it was vulgar and sinful. My prediction is that you're currently entertaining a new trend that will have a history not unlike that of the waltz. It may cause a ruckus in the beginning, but will eventually become the pinnacle of normalcy.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny, check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. To hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "3 Weeks Ago (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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Oceans are not exactly teeming with life. In fact, they're mostly barren, and could rightly be called "wet deserts." Likewise, not all your emotions, even those that come in floods, are fertile. Some are automatic reactions that have discharged thousands of times since they were first programmed into you many years ago. They're mechanical, not organic. They became fixtures when you were a very different person than you are now. Identify these.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.