Three years before Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code came out, my book The Televisionary Oracle was published. In it, I riffed extensively on Mary Magdalene's role as Jesus's consort, collaborator, and co-creator of Christianity--similar in ways to Brown's themes. Sales of my tome are approaching 10,000, while Brown's have topped 61 million. Why the contrast? His work is a linear detective story, while mine is an experimental blend of magical realism, prophetic philosophy, and oracular poetry. His characterizations and plot hew to established conventions of mainstream fiction, while mine spring from my muse and real life. The difference between our approaches is comparable to the choice you have ahead of you, Aries. You can opt for greater popularity and loyalty to convention, or you can choose to be more of a secret as you rigorously follow the promptings of your inner voice.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny in the coming week, check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope. And to hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "2 Weeks Ago (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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Have you ever seen the game called "Playing the Dozens?" Participants compete in the exercise of hurling witty insults at each other. Here are some examples: "You're so dumb, if you spoke your mind you'd be speechless." "Your mother is so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper." "You're so ugly, you couldn't get laid if you were a brick."

I invite you to rebel against any impulse in you that resonates with the spirit of "Playing the Dozens." Instead, try a new game, "Paying the Tributes." Choose worthy targets and ransack your imagination to come up with smart, true, and amusing praise about them. The best stuff will be specific to the person you're addressing, not generic, but here are some prototypes: "You're so far-seeing, you can probably catch a glimpse of the back of your own head." "You're so ingenious, you could use your nightmares to get rich and famous." "Your mastery of pronoia is so artful, you could convince me to love my worst enemy."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.