During an outdoor concert, '80s pop star Cyndi Lauper experienced a rare event that every singer dreads. As she belted out a long, booming note, a bird flying overhead dispensed a blob that zoomed into her wide-open mouth. Lauper's grandmother later assured her that this was a stroke of good luck, and the singer herself referred to it as "God's little joke." I predict you will soon enjoy a metaphorically similar visitation.

Normally my Expanded Audio Horoscopes cover just a week at a time. But this week, I'm offering you explorations of the entire second half of 2006. To hear my IN-DEPTH, LONG-TERM FORECAST FOR YOUR LIFE, check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope. The reading costs $6.

You can also access the readings by phone at 1-900-950-7700 or 1-877-873-4888. (If you live in Canada, call 1-888-499-4425.) The cost is $1.99 per minute.