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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny

Week of June 8th, 2006


(March 21-April 19)
Is the planet running out of oil? Some experts say yes, others say no. Secretly, part of me hopes we are. If forced to use less of the tragically magic fuel, we'd get at least some relief from the ongoing catastrophe of global warming. But the whole discussion may become irrelevant in light of the existence of oil shale. It's a rock that when heated releases the abundant oil hidden within it. Though expensive to access, two trillion barrels of the stuff lie untapped beneath the surface of America's Rocky Mountains. "That's more than all the proven oil reserves of crude oil in the world," reports The Denver Post. This is an apt metaphor for your life, Aries. You may seem to be running out of a resource that has energized you for a long time. The truth is, there's more to be had, but you'll have to work harder to get it.

Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.


May you eat an unfamiliar dessert in a strange land at least once every three years.

May you wake up to salsa music one summer morning, and start dancing while you're still half-asleep.

May you spray-paint Rilke poems as graffiti on highway overpasses.

May you mix stripes with plaids, floral patterns with checks, and yellowish-green with brownish-purple.

May you learn to identify by name 20 flowers, 15 trees, 10 clouds, and one extrasolar planet.

May you put a bumper sticker on your car or bike that says, "My god can kick your god's ass!"

If you bury your face in your tear-stained pillow and beg God to please send you your soul mate, may you not slur your words in such a way that they sound like "cell mate."

May you dream of taking a trip to the moon in a gondola powered by firecrackers and wild swans.

May you actually kiss the earth now and then.

May you find many good excuses to say what physicist Niels Bohr once did: "Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true."
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.