I did something today that's an apt metaphor for the task you have ahead of you. While driving my 1997 Honda Accord on the streets of San Francisco, I had to drive very slowly and gradually while ascending a steep hill. I kept my foot on the gas pedal just hard enough to keep the vehicle from sliding backward as I inched upward at two miles per hour. It was an exercise in supreme concentration: I had to be delicate and focused while prodding a one and a half ton beast. Just as I pulled off this feat, Aries, I believe you'll be able to accomplish a comparable version of it.

Want to explore the coming week even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
George prayed every day for three years to win the lottery, but never heard from God or hit the jackpot.
Finally, God woke him up in the middle of the night. "George, is that you who's been praying so hard to win the lottery?" the Supreme Being boomed.
"Yes, Lord, desperately!"
God paused for a moment, then said thoughtfully, "George, I'll tell you what. I want you to meet me halfway. Buy a ticket, OK?"
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

"Nothing would be done at all," said Cardinal Newman, "if a man waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault with it." Let's forgive his sexist language and concentrate on the truth he articulates, which is profoundly apt for you right now. It's important that you try to do what you can't do very well--that you not use your lack of mastery as an excuse to avoid practicing an immature skill. Be willing to look foolish as you improve, and paradoxically you will often appear brave and inspired.

Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Is it really healthy to have a shrill, 25-words-or-less opinion about everything, as radio and TV talk shows seem to imply? Would anyone mind if now and then you served as a compassionate witness about the hot-button issues? Is it conceivable that you could simply sit on the fence in the midst of the wars of words and beam articulate sympathy at both sides?

Yes, you can. You have the rebellious resourcefulness to be a freedom fighter without hating anyone. Go out and prove it.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Would you please go have a picnic after midnight in a secret garden? Or maybe wander out to the edge of nowhere and throw a birthday party for the sun? Or weave wildflowers in your hair and lead a sweet thing unto temptation with a seduction strategy plucked from a poem by Pablo Neruda? Please, Gemini, tear your eyes away from the terribly obvious and the numbingly familiar. Be willing to be as impractical as you've ever been. The weird probability is that you'll have a piercing insight about the bottom line while you're wandering free in a place that's far from the bottom line.

No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge in the coming week if you tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
If you're typical, your natural curiosity was virtually extinguished at an early age by mediocre teachers, boring lessons, and oppressive classrooms. Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if your imagination hadn't been squelched? What interesting adventures might you have sought out if your natural love of learning hadn't been crushed?

Let's launch a quest to undo the damage. Imagine I've handed you an undiploma: your official release from the soul-death of your formal education; the beginning of the healing of your wounded love of learning. What's the first thing you'll do to invoke a steady stream of inspired teachers and invigorating lessons?
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

You now have the power to raise a million dollars for charity. For that matter, you could launch an organization that would last a hundred years, make an invigorating connection with a resourceful ally, or talk a depressed person out of suicide. On the other hand, it's also conceivable that you could tally the highest score ever recorded on the Berzerk video game or engage in spectacular drunken stunts that earn you a spot on the local TV news. In other words, Cancerian, there's a high potential for you doing something very big, whether it's smart and great or dumb and useless. Choose wisely how you want this cosmic tendency to manifest.

What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints about the week ahead, listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
The Beauty and Truth Laboratory is coming to you live from your repressed memory of paradise, reminding you that all of creation loves you very much.

Even now, secret allies are cooking up mysteries that will excite you and incite you for years to come.

Even now, the earth and sun are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next move.

But here's the loaded question: Are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative.

Half of the art of pronoia is about being improvisationally receptive to life's elaborate scheme to shower you with blessings. The other half is about learning to be a co-conspirator who assists life in doling out blessings—to help everyone else get exactly what they need, exactly when they need it.

Visualize yourself being able to recognize the raw truth about the people you care about, seeing how they already embody the beauty their souls' codes have promised as well as how they still fall short of embodying that beauty. Imagine yourself being able to make them feel appreciated even as you inspire them to risk changes that will activate more of their souls' codes.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

I just received a check in the mail for seven cents. It was from the Screen Actors Guild, a residual payment for my tiny role in the Robin Williams' movie Being Human, in which I played a TV psychic who gives readings for pets. Though the 1994 film was a critical and box office failure, it has continued to earn modest revenue through video sales in Third World countries. I decided not to cash my miniscule check, but rather frame it and put it up on my wall as a conversation piece. I predict a similar event will soon occur in your life, Leo: You'll receive a "reward" whose value will consist almost entirely of its power to generate joke and story material. That's not something to be sneezed at.

Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
At the heart of the pronoiac way of life is an apparent conundrum: You can have anything you want if you'll just ask for it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out exactly how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

It's a good time to work on your moon tan. I suggest you put on a bathing suit and find a place where the moon can beam down on you for a while. As you bask in its glow, periodically turning over to let it saturate every part of your body, imagine that soaking up the lunar vibes will deepen and tone your emotional life, enhance your receptivity, make you a wiser nurturer, and build up your knack for adjusting deftly to change.

How much do you want to know about your destiny in the coming week? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the coming week.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
The dangers of excessive politeness are perfectly exemplified in the medieval legend of Parzival, Arthur's purest knight. His quest for the Holy Grail leads him to a castle where he is welcomed by a wounded lord. At dinner, a mysterious bowl captivates Parzival's attention. He's dying to know more about it, but he holds his tongue. His training as a knight has taught him that it's uncourteous to express too much curiosity.

Tragically, he doesn't realize that he has arrived at the very place where his quest could be satisfied. The wounded lord is actually the fisher king, the marvelous bowl is the Grail, and he is being presented with a magical test. The test consists of a simple task: to ask about the bowl. Because Parzival fails to do so, the king doesn't reveal the secret and doesn't give him the Grail.

The next morning, Parzival wakes up to find the castle empty, and he leaves having missed the very opportunity he wanted most.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

The leaves on the persimmon tree outside my door are growing so fast I swear I can see them expanding right in front of my eyes. Like them, you are in a period of almost maniacal fertility. The ripening process is so elemental that you may feel as if unpredictable forces of nature have been unleashed inside you. As long as you keep your sense of humor about it, however, nothing too out-of-control will happen. At worst, you'll resemble a funny monster with a brilliant future, like an awkward kid destined to grow up to be a cute genius.

Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Notice how you feel as you speak the following: "The strong, independent part of me resisted the embarrassing truth for a long time, but I finally came to accept that I'm someone who craves vast amounts of love. Ever since I surrendered to this need, it doesn't nag me all the time, as it used to. In fact, it feels comforting, like a source of sweetness that doesn't go away. I never thought I'd say this, but I've come to treasure the feeling of having a voracious yearning to be loved."
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Have you ever wondered about the X-ray glasses advertised in comic books and sold by mail? They allegedly allow you to see through people's clothes, maybe even through their skin to the skeleton beneath. You Scorpios now have the next best thing to that cartoon technology. Your eyesight is especially keen--so much so that you'll notice many things that have previously been hidden from you. Not only that. You'll be especially adept at discerning the real stories unfolding beneath the official stories. You'll have the ability to decipher people's unconscious motivations and secret agendas. It's almost like you'll have a psychic version of X-ray specs.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny in the coming week, check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Receptivity is not a passive state. Nor is it a blank, empty waiting around for whatever happens to come along. In urging you to cultivate receptivity, I don't mean you should become a lazy do-nothing bereft of goals, reacting blindly to whatever life throws in front of you. Receptivity is a robust readiness to be surprised and moved; a vigorous intention to be awake to everything you can't control. When you're receptive in the pronoiac style, you have strong ideas and a powerful will and an eagerness to disseminate your unique blessings, but you're also animated by the humble certainty that you have a lot to learn.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Hybrid cars get great gas mileage and don't spew dirty emissions into the air. They also produce minimal noise pollution. In fact, some are so silent that they can be hazardous to pedestrians and bicyclists. While riding my bike today, for instance, I didn't hear the Toyota Prius that was bearing down on me from behind, and I almost swerved right into its path. Let this serve you as an illustration of the law of unintended consequences. You should watch for unexpected changes caused by the healthy improvements you've made in your life. I'm not saying the changes will necessarily be bad, just that you should be alert for results you didn't foresee.

Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life in the coming week? Listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Whatever you choose to focus your attention on, you will get more of it. If you often think of everything you lack and how sad you are that you don't have it, you will tend to receive prolific evidence of how true that is. As you obsess on all the ways your life is different from what you wish it would be, you will become an expert in rousing feelings of frustration and you will attract experiences that assist you in rousing frustration.

If, on the other hand, you dwell on the good things you have already had the privilege to experience, you will expand your appreciation for their blessings, which in turn will amplify their beneficent impact on your life. You will also magnetize yourself to receive further good things, making it more likely that they will be attracted into your sphere. At the very least, you will get in the habit of enjoying yourself no matter what the outward circumstances are.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Cuban tyrant Fidel Castro is so afraid of exotic assassination attempts that he has his aides burn his underwear after just one use. He apparently imagines that some dissident will find a way to saturate his unmentionables with poison during the laundering process. You're currently in no danger of having your briefs rendered toxic, Capricorn, but I nevertheless suggest that like Castro you incinerate each fresh pair when you're done wearing them--at least for the next few days. It will be a lyrically symbolic statement that you are ready to transform the way you express your sexual energy, and that will be in perfect alignment with the invitation the cosmos is offering you.

What blessings will life bring you in the coming week? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Where exactly does happiness come from? That's the riddle posed by David Meyers and Ed Diener in their article, "The Science of Happiness," published in The Futurist magazine. I invite you to write your own answers to their question. Map out the foundations of your own science of happiness. Get serious about defining what makes you feel good. What specific experiences arouse your deepest gratification? Physical pleasure? Seeking the truth? Being a good person? Contemplating the meaning of life? Enjoying the fruits of your accomplishments? Purging pent-up emotion?
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

In high school I got all A's in science and math, and scored in the top one percentile on the math section of the SATs. I've studied calculus, used logarithms, and love biology and astronomy. Still, I'm not aligned with the growing chorus of political leaders, corporate executives, and scientists who want schools to teach more math and science. Less would be better, I think, so as to make more room for truly neglected subjects like mastering human relationships, cultivating emotional intelligence, developing discrimination about the media, questioning authority, interpreting dreams, and understanding how to take care of one's body. Since few of us are taught these basic subjects when we're young, we lag way behind well into adulthood. That's the bad news, Aquarius. The good news is that it's a perfect time for you to do some rapid catching up.

Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks in the coming week? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
To be the best pronoiac explorer you can be, I suggest you adopt an outlook that combines the objectivity of a scientist, the "beginner's mind" of Zen Buddhism, and the compassionate friendliness of the Dalai Lama.

To pull this off, you'll have to be willing to suspend your brilliant theories about the way the world works. Accept with good humor the possibility that what you've learned in the past may not be a reliable guide to understanding the fresh phenomenon that's right in front of you. Be suspicious of your biases, even the rational and benevolent ones. Open your heart as you strip away the interpretations that your emotions might be inclined to impose.

"Before we can receive the unbiased truth about anything," wrote my teacher Ann Davies, "we have to be ready to ignore what we would like to be true."

At the same time, don't turn into a hard-ass, poker-faced robot. Keep your feelings moist and receptive. Remember your natural affection for all of creation. Enjoy the power of tender sympathy as it drives you to probe for the unimaginable revelations of every new moment. "Before we can receive the entire truth about anything," said Ann Davies, "we have to love it."
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

A California company specializing in background checks recently reported that 40 percent of all job résumés contain misinformation. Meanwhile, a study in the Journal of Basic and Applied Social Psychology found that most people tell lies every day. You and I aren't surprised. We know that deception is a normal part of life. I hope, however, that you'll rebel against that convention in the coming week. It's the High Integrity Season for you--a time to be scrupulously honest and impeccable in your execution of every detail. I urge you to regard this demanding assignment as an opportunity to give gifts everywhere you go.

Where do you want to go in the coming week? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Evil is boring. The universe is friendly. Life is on your side. Joy is your birthright.
Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair is lazy. In fact, all of creation wants you to succeed.
Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Retrain your senses and intellect so you’re able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.