Let's put your salary in perspective. If you earn more than $2,182 per year, you're wealthier than 85 percent of the world's population. That's according to www.GlobalRichList.com. Even though you're pretty well-off, however, I'm going to dare you to ask for more. It's the perfect astrological phase to do so. The omens suggest that you will attract benefactors and drum up cosmic support if you make even a half-assed attempt to get richer quicker. Homework: Write down three things you could do to raise your income.

Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks in the coming week? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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Many people believe that happiness is a rare commodity attainable only through dumb luck. "One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness," said novelist Willa Cather. "One only stumbles upon them by chance, in a lucky hour, at the world's end somewhere." I disagree. My perspective is the same as the Buddhist researchers Rick Foster and Greg Hicks. In their book How We Choose to Be Happy: The 9 Choices of Extremely Happy People, they reveal that the number one trait of happy people is a serious determination to be happy. Bliss is a habit you can cultivate, in other words, not an accident that you stumble upon by chance, in a lucky hour, at the world's end somewhere.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Recently I had minor eye surgery to close some tiny holes in my retina. It wasn't a big deal--just a preventive measure--and it didn't have any effect on my actual physical vision. The best part of the experience happened because of the nurse who prepped me for the procedure. She used a felt-tip pen to write "YES" over my right eyebrow, ensuring that the surgeon wouldn't aim the laser into the wrong eye. I didn't wash off the "YES" until 24 hours after the operation, and was pleased at the unexpected effect it had. I found myself using my eyes more aggressively--with a greater hunger to study my surroundings. It was as if the written "YES" had given me a subliminal suggestion to switch on a figurative "YES" in my perceptual apparatus. Now I'm recommending this trick to you, Taurus. It's a perfect astrological moment to perk up your seeing. I dare you to write "YES" over both of your eyebrows.

Where do you want to go in the coming week? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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Meditate naked under a waterfall.
Relive the last day of your childhood.
Sip the tears of someone you love.
Rebel against your horoscope.
Create a luxurious orphanage in Romania.
Pick blackberries in the rain.
Feel sorry for a devious lawyer.
See how far you can spit a mouthful of beer.
Give yourself another chance.
Dream of stealing the peaches of immortality from a dragon guarding Plato's cave.
Write a love letter to your evil twin during a lunar eclipse.
Sing the first song you ever heard.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

On some days you work on creating your tapestry, weaving each thread with care and artistry. On other days you inexplicably unravel the same tapestry, undoing your fine efforts. Is there some hidden purpose in this maddening rhythm--a strategy I can't fathom? Or is it fueled by a half-conscious compulsion you feel helpless to resist? Please get clear, Gemini, about what's motivating you to take two steps forward, then two steps backward. I'd like to see you go at least three steps forward, two steps backward.

Want to explore the coming week even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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Robin Norwood's self-help book Women Who Love Too Much deals with a theme that has gotten a lot of play in recent decades: If you're too generous to someone who doesn't appreciate it and at the expense of your own needs, you can make yourself sick.

An alternative perspective comes from Blaise Pascal, who said, "When one does not love too much, one does not love enough." He was primarily addressing psychologically healthy altruists, but it's a good ideal for pronoia lovers to keep in mind.

Decide whether you need to move more in the direction of Norwood's or Pascal's advice. Develop a game plan to carry out your resolve, then take action.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

"An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all," said author Elbert Hubbard. I don't know if I would go quite that far, but I do like the notion that the best ideas are disruptive to the status quo. Your mission in the coming weeks, Cancerian, is to flirt with and even embrace ideas like that--revolutionary perspectives that tend to undermine the way things have always been done and usher in fresh approaches to living the good life. For inspiration, you might want to check out The World Question Center (http://snipurl.com/lpik), which is collecting answers to the question "What is your dangerous idea?"

Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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Most people associate innocence with naiveté. Conventional wisdom regards it as belonging to children and fools and rookies who lack the sophistication or experience to know the tough truths about life. But the Beauty and Truth Laboratory recognizes a different kind of innocence. It's based on an understanding that the world is always changing, and therefore deserves to be seen fresh every day. This alternative brand of innocence is fueled by an aggressive determination to empty one's imagination of all preconceptions. "Ignorance is not knowing anything and being attracted to the good," wrote Clarissa Pinkola-Estes in Women Who Run With the Wolves. "Innocence is knowing everything and still being attracted to the good."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

In the pagan calendar, the coming week brings Beltane, one of the major holidays of the year. Halfway between the spring equinox and the summer solstice, it marks a time of teeming fertility, when the life forces of the natural world are in full bloom, in our bodies as much as in plants and animals. At Beltane, many of us have access to more creativity than usual. Our vitality may be at a peak and our libidos fully unfurled. The effect is enhanced for you Leos by the fact that you're in the confidence-building phase of your personal cycle. As a result, you now have an excellent opportunity to get into the zone, where you can wield power with a playful spirit that's nourishing to everyone whose life you touch.

No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge in the coming week if you tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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Mirabilia is a word that refers to events that inspire wonder, marvelous phenomena, small miracles; it's from the Latin mirabilia, "marvels." Here's your mirabilia report for the coming week: The average river requires a million years to move a grain of sand 100 miles. Kind people are more likely than mean people to yawn when someone near them does. There are always so many fragments of spider legs floating in the air that you are constantly inhaling them wherever you go. Gregorian chants can cure dyslexia. Bob Hope donated half a million jokes to the Library of Congress. Bees perform a valuable service for the flowers from which they steal. The moon smells like exploded firecrackers. Physicists in Tennessee coaxed electric signals to travel through coaxial cable at four times the speed of light, even though the equipment they used was cheap stuff from Radio Shack. Revlon makes 177 different shades of lipstick.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Bird-watchers in North Dakota are reporting a host of unusual sightings. A mountain plover has been spotted for the first time since the 1930s. The cormorant-like anhinga, which is native to swamps in southern climates, has also made an appearance. So has the Eurasian wigeon, a noisy duck that is rarely found outside of Europe and Asia. In addition, there have been visits by five other species that are unknown in the area. What's going on? Another byproduct of global warming and the weird effects it's generating? Maybe. Whatever it is, Virgo, a metaphorically similar experience will soon occur in your sphere. You'll be mingling with life forms and natural phenomena that you've never come in contact with up until now.

What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints about the week ahead, listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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When many people talk about their childhoods, they emphasize the alienating, traumatic experiences they had. It has become fashionable to avoid reporting memories of the good times in one's past. This seems dishonest—a testament to the popularity of cynicism rather than a reflection of objective truth.

I don't mean to downplay the way your early encounters with pain demoralized your spirit. But as you reconnoiter the promise of pronoia, it's crucial for you to extol the gifts you were given in your early years: all the helpful encounters, kind teachings, and simple acts of grace that helped you bloom. Remember them now, please.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Will the truth set you free? Maybe, but first it will set you on fire, metaphorically speaking. Once you have been completely consumed by the flames and been reborn out of the ashes like the mythical phoenix, then you might be able to figure out how to use the truth to set yourself free--and to set others free as well. As long as you're armed with the knowledge in this horoscope, Libra, the process won't hurt as much as you might imagine. In fact, the predominant sensation may be exultation. Here's some homework to get you started: Write your three top fears on a piece of paper and burn it.

Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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The primary meaning of the word "healing" is "to cure what's diseased or broken." Medical practitioners focus on sick people. Psychotherapists wrestle with their clients' traumas and neuroses. Philanthropists donate their money and social workers contribute their time to helping the underprivileged. I am in awe of them all. The level of one's spiritual enlightenment, I believe, is more accurately measured by helping people in need than by meditation skills, shamanic shapeshifting, supernatural powers, or religious knowledge.

But I also believe in a second kind of healing that is largely unrecognized: to supercharge what is already healthy; to lift up what's merely sufficient to a sublime state. Using this definition, describe two acts of healing: one you would enjoy performing on yourself and another you'd like to provide for someone you love.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

The Sun and Mercury are lighting up your astrological House of Relationships. Uranus, the planet of awakening, is animating your House of Creativity, and is in a sweetly harmonious aspect with the expansive planet Jupiter, which is invigorating your House of Beginnings. What does it all mean? You have a fantastic opportunity to experiment with the ways you conduct your intimate alliances. I suggest that you have major fun as you introduce previously undreamed-of innovations into your three best bonds.

How much do you want to know about your destiny in the coming week? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the coming week.

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Is the world a dangerous, chaotic place with no inherent purpose, running on automatic like a malfunctioning machine and fundamentally inimical to your happiness? Or are you surrounded by helpers in a friendly universe that gives you challenges in order to make you smarter and wilder and kinder? Trick questions! The answers may depend, at least to some degree, on what you believe is true.

Formulate a series of experiments that will allow you to objectively test the hypothesis that the universe is conspiring to help you.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

"The biggest problem in the world could have been solved when it was small," said the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu. Let this advice serve as an early warning, Sagittarius. Unless you pounce immediately, a simple little glitch will eventually turn into a huge, nightmarish puzzle. Luckily, you now have all the resources you need to dispatch the annoyance with relative grace and ease.

Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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A thousand years from today, everyone you know will be long dead and forgotten. There'll be nothing left of the life you love, no evidence that you ever walked this planet. That, at least, is what the fundamentalist materialists would have you believe. But suppose the truth is very different? What if in fact every little thing you do subtly alters the course of world history? What if your day-to-day decisions will actually help determine how the human species navigates its way through the epic turning point we're living through? And finally, what if you will be alive in a thousand years, reincarnated into a fresh body and in possession of the memories of the person you were back in this era? These are my hypotheses. These are my prophecies. Which is why I say: Live as if your soul is eternal.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Here are your magic words for the coming week: spree, frolic, whoopee, carouse, escapade, fiesta, and siesta. Invoke them often as you act out their meanings. And if your research into the altered states they stir up results in complaints from people who'd prefer you to act like a predictable machine, I've written the following excuse note for you to give them: Please forgive Capricorns for departing from their routine behavior, including but not limited to disobeying orders, defying fate, sticking out their tongues, belly-laughing at odd moments, and dancing backwards on the tombstones of evildoers. They are currently under the influence of astrological factors that tend to dissolve inhibitions and awaken dormant joy.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny in the coming week, check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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Psychologist Carl Jung believed that all desires have a sacred origin, no matter how odd they may seem. Frustration and ignorance may contort them into distorted caricatures, but it is always possible to locate the divine source from which they arose. In describing one of his addictive patients, Jung said: "His craving for alcohol was the equivalent on a low level of the spiritual thirst for wholeness, or as expressed in medieval language: the union with God."

Therapist James Hillman echoes the theme: "Psychology regards all symptoms to be expressing the right thing in the wrong way." A preoccupation with porn or romance novels, for instance, may come to dominate a passionate person whose quest for love has degenerated into an obsession with images of love. "Follow the lead of your symptoms," Hillman suggests, "for there's usually a myth in the mess, and a mess is an expression of soul."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

It's Return to the Source Week for you, Aquarius--also known as Listen to Your Wild Heart Week and Honor Your Core Truths Week and Focus on the Juicy Gist Week. The best way to celebrate this priority-sharpening, attention-honing time is to get twice as serious about feeding the one dream that's more important to you than all others. Now study the counsel of Malidoma Some, as expressed in his book Of Water and the Spirit: "No one's center is like anyone else's. Find your own center, not the center of your neighbor, not the center of your father or mother or family or ancestor, but the center that is yours and yours alone."

Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life in the coming week? Listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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In Homer's epic tale, The Odyssey, he described nepenthe, a mythical drug that induced the forgetfulness of pain and trouble. Modern culture has turned the myth into reality: There are now many stimuli serving that purpose.

If Homer were alive today, we wonder if he'd write about a potion that stirs up memories of delight, serenity, and fulfillment? Imagine that you have taken such a tonic. Spend an hour or two remembering the glorious moments from your past.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

For six and a half months in 1881, James Garfield was President of the United States. More impressive than his modest accomplishments during his short time in office was his multilingual ambidexterity. He could write a passage in Latin with one hand even as he wrote in Greek with the other hand. That kind of skill reminds me of the aptitudes you will have in the coming weeks, Pisces. If you so choose, you'll be able to take multitasking to profound new levels. Juggling will be your ruling metaphor. You may even be able to make a beautiful mess with one hand while creating a dynamic peace with the other.

What blessings will life bring you in the coming week? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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Like all of us, you have desires for things that you don't really need and aren't good for you. But you shouldn't disparage yourself for having them, nor should you conclude that every desire is tainted. Rather, think of your misguided longings as the bumbling, amateur expressions of a faculty that will one day be far more expert. They're how you practice as you work toward the goal of becoming a master of desire. It may take a while, but eventually you will get the hang of wanting things that are really good for you, and good for everyone else, too.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.