Two friends of mine teach elementary school. They agreed to help me conduct a survey to determine how many first-graders eat worms, and what astrological signs they are. Among the 68 kids whom my buddies asked, seven boys enthusiastically bragged about their odd culinary habit. One girl also confessed, though with a little embarrassment. Of these eight, five were--you guessed it--Aquarians. I wasn't surprised, seeing as how your sign is renowned for being the most eccentric. I was also quite pleased at the results. It made it easier for me to broach the unusual suggestion I have for you, which is that maybe you, too, should eat worms. This is the most direct way I can think of for you to carry out your current cosmic assignment, which is to come way down to earth.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny in the coming week, check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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To become a master of desire, keep talking yourself out of being attached to trivial goals and keep talking yourself into being thrilled about the precious few goals that are really important. Here's another way to say it: Wean yourself from ego-driven desires and pour your libido into a longing for beauty, truth, goodness, justice, integrity, creativity, love, and an intimate relationship with the Wild Divine.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.