Oracles for You

The oracles below are in my new book ASTROLOGY IS REAL: Revelations from My Life as an Oracle.

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Below are responses to the topic "How to Be an Aries." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.

1. Take big, strong steps whenever you move down the street or swagger through a building or hike in nature. Doesn't matter if anyone else is nearby. Walk loudly. Swing your arms forcefully. Imprint your intense presence on your surroundings.

2. Five necessary things:

• Start lots of sentences with "I."

• Be adept at fulfilling your own hype.

• Avoid getting caught up in the unfortunate fact that everyone takes everything too seriously.

• If you get upset about everyone taking everything too seriously, forget why you're mad and run off to play.

• Now and then, be impossible.

3. Always keep three jars of extra charisma under your bed. You may not need it, since you usually wake up every morning dripping with it. But just in case. Aries folks need to radiate charm and magnetism.

4. Proceed on the hypothesis that you are always correct, even if you just changed your mind. —Ama Lessing

5. Be supremely confident of your ability to gather the energy to get unstuck, to bustle, to glide, to initiate—for others as well as yourself. —Norma Quesada

6. Be rational and calm in unreasonable circumstances. Be non-rational and mischievous in reasonable circumstances. —Jason Thompson

7. Be completely unable to understand how anyone can resist you or not find you alluring.

8. On a first date, offer to arm wrestle.

9. Declare yourself monarch and president of absolutely everything, then stage a coup d'état. Overthrow yourself and install yourself as the new monarch and president. Do this on a regular basis.


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Below are responses to the topic "How to Be a Taurus." One of my readers provided some ideas, which are noted.

1. Never stop building! Keep building and building and building: your joy, your security, your love, your beauty, your stamina, your sense of wonder.

2. Trust and exult in the feel of velvet, the taste of crème brûlée, the sound of the cello in Dvorák's Cello Concerto in B Minor, the sight of the full moon rising out of beloved lake, and the smell of the night-blooming jasmine.

3. Have faith that your slow, gradual triumphs will work productive magic and last a long time.

4. If I had to choose ancient deities to be your symbolic helpers, I would of course pick Venus. The planet Venus is ruler of your sign, and the goddess Venus is the maven of beauty and love, which are key to your happiness.

But I would also assign Hephaestus to your sign. He was the Greek god of the metalworking forge. He created Zeus's thunderbolts, Hermes' winged helmet, Aphrodite's magic bra, Achilles' armor, Eros's bow and arrows, and the thrones for all the gods and goddesses in Olympus.

The things he made were gorgeous and useful. I nominate him to be one of your spirit guides. May he inspire you to be a generous source of practical beauty.

5. Taurus says, "If it’s comfortable, sensuous, beautiful, or delicious, I made it or I own it." —Jennifer White

6. You are a specialist in the art of body language. No one wields the power of gesture and posture with more articulate elegance than you.

7. "If you don't love everybody," said the character Dicky Fox in the movie Jerry Maguire, "you can't sell anybody."

In other words, the most effective strategy for getting what you want is to feel tender affection for the world.

Taurus is the sign most likely to employ this advice with utmost integrity.


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Below are responses to the topic "How to Be a Gemini."

1. Bounce up and down when you walk. Have 15 different kinds of laughs. Be impossible to pin down or figure out.

Relish the openings that your restlessness spawns. Keep changing the way you change.

Be easily swayed and sway others easily. Let the words that flow out of your mouth reveal to you what you think.

2. Your worst times are when you lose contact with your other selves. Don't let that happen.

3. Live a semi-dangerous life in your daydreams but not in real life.

4. If you have turned out to be the kind of Gemini who is both saintly and satanic, remember that Goddess made you that way. So let Goddess worry about it.

5. To be a true Gemini, you must yearn for knowledge—whether it is about coral reefs, ancient maps of Sumer, sex among jellyfish, mini-black holes, or celebrity gossip. You need to be an eternal student who craves education.

Are some things more important to discover than others? Of course. But that gauge is not always apparent in the present. A seemingly insignificant clue or trick you glean today may become unexpectedly useful a month from now.

With that perspective in mind, I encourage you to sometimes be quite promiscuous in your lust for new information and teachings.

6. The key to genius is the ability to keep two contradictory ideas in your head and maintain sanity. But it's sometimes fun to omit the "sanity" part.

7. Your mind is always aswarm with zesty mysteries. That's good! It gives you an enhanced power to generate insight and solve problems in daydreams.

8.Your curiosity is your superpower but also potentially your albatross. It entertains and educates you, but may get you into tight spots and awkward transitions.

That's why Goddess armed you with a razor-sharp silver tongue. You can talk your way out of trouble.


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Below are responses to the topic "How to Be a Cancerian." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.

1. Be fluid and flexible while still being rooted and sturdy. Be soft and sensitive even as you are also firm and resolute.

Be mostly modest and adaptable, but become assertive and outspoken as necessary. Be cautious about inviting and seeking out challenges, but be bold and brash when a golden challenge arrives.

Be your naturally generous self most of the time, but avoid giving too much.

Got all that, Cancerian?

Carrying out the multifaceted assignments I just described might be nearly impossible for most of the other signs of the zodiac, but they are in your wheelhouse. You are a specialist in fertile complexity.

Gently and tenderly haunt people's dreams with your lyrical intimacy and generous mystery and inscrutable magic.

3. Compare your everyday life to the narratives in storybooks and fairy tales and legends. Act as if you have the power to attract experiences that others believe are only true in fantasy. Really, truly believe in fantastic creatures. Whenever you need a vacation from reality, induce waking dreams to whisk you away.

4. Listen attentively to your inner child, but don’t spoil and overindulge your inner child.

5. More than any other sign of the zodiac, you feel the sadness and suffering of the world. Is that a debility or asset? It all depends on how you choose to respond to the inflow. Compassionate action is most likely to make it an asset.

6. When your cup of sensitivity runneth over, MAKE ART! —Sy Pfy

7. To entice people to surrender, flood them with love. —Shiloh Manwaring


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Below are responses to the topic "How to Be a Leo." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.

1. Without apology or inhibition, be the STAR you are. Yes, people may want to use you for your radiance, your charisma, and your strength. But that doesn't have to interfere with your holy duty, which is MAXIMUM SELF-EXPRESSION. —Hassan Allen

2. Never break your own heart. Never apologize for showering yourself with kindness and adoration. —Amy Clear

3. Be alert for the intense shadows you may cast with your intense brightness. Consider the possibility that even if they seem iffy or dicey, they may have beauty and value of their own.

4. At the moment of orgasm, scream out your own name. —Bethany Grace

5. People should try to understand that you are only bossing them around for their benefit. —Harlow Hunt

6. Stretching and sighing and yawning are art forms for you. Regard each occasion as a potential performance opportunity.

7. Give yourself permission to do just about anything that has integrity and is fueled by compassion. —Azariah Smithie


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Below are responses to the topic "How to Be a Virgo." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.

1. "Love your mistakes and foibles," Virgo astrologer William Sebrans advises his fellow Virgos. "They aren't going away. And it's your calling in life—some would say a superpower—to home in on them and finesse them.

"Why? Because you may be able to fix them or improve them with panache—for your benefit and the welfare of those you love."

2. Take care of yourself as well as you care for others. —Geoffrey Huckabay

3. You can't and won't tolerate unprofessional behavior or a lack of manners and etiquette. Why should you? In the whole world, there are enough skillful people with integrity for you to exclusively stick with them.

4. Write as many lists as you damn well feel like writing. List-making is the Truth and the Way for Virgos. —Cara Inmungilun

5. Of all the signs in the zodiac, you know best that the most useful truths can't be entirely told with abstractions. Key ingredients are concrete facts and specific details.

6. Hooray! A fresh, new project! Analyze the daylights out of its potential, craft an exquisite plan to accomplish it, and then spend more time and work than strictly necessary to bring it to fruition. —Amari Wenendero

7. When your humor and patient focus are amply engaged, you have extraordinary power to create elegant and interesting versions of harmony. —Janicia Waymer Hasko


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Below are responses to the topic "How to Be a Libra."

1. You are a translator. Among your life purposes are:

• to serve as an intermediary between disparate elements;

• to lubricate and facilitate conversations between people who might not otherwise understand each other;

• to find common ground between apparent contradictions;

• to weave paradoxes into amalgamations;

• to never give up on finding the most elegant way to understand a problem.

2. Find beauty in literally everyone and everything. Seriously. There is no good reason you can't or shouldn't do this.

3. Know what it takes to please everyone, even if you don't always choose to please everyone. Know how to be what everyone wants you to be when they need you to be it, even if you fulfill that wish only now and then.

4. Learn to argue with skill and élan. To nurture your vitality, engage in regular debate that amuses and educates you.

5. More than any other sign, you can tolerate and even thrive amidst ambiguities and grey areas.

6. Creating aesthetically pleasing environments is crucial to being a Libra.

7. Do not give others all that you have and, in the process, forget to keep something for yourself.

8. Be reverent and respectful about the language you write and speak and think. Understand that the way you use words will make or break your power to fulfill your goals.

9. So much about being a Libra is the search for interesting stimulation. You are driven to find people, places, ideas, and things that invigorate you with ever-fresh thoughts and feelings.


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Below are responses to the topic "How to Be a Scorpio."

1. There are blessings in every abyss. You, of all the signs in the zodiac, have the greatest capacity to find those blessings and make them yours.

Likewise, there is an abyss in each blessing. You, of all the signs, have the most power to make sure your experiences in the abyss don't detract from but enhance the blessing.

Take maximum advantage of these superpowers! Be an expert in zeroing in on the opportunities seeded in the dilemmas. Show everyone how to home in on and enjoy the delights in the darkness. Be an inspirational role model as you extract redemption from the messes.

2. Use tasteful disguises. Establish secret identities in several different venues. Own a deluxe squirt gun and a knife made of foam rubber.

Do something ingeniously Machiavellian to a person in authority.

Be merciful to the young souls you know who are living their first lifetime.

Study the Death card in the Mother Peace tarot deck and use it to predict your upcoming renaissance and revitalization.

Make friends with a snake and coax it to go for a walk with you, or buy a rubber snake and pretend it's real as the two of you take a stroll.

Use your ex's picture on a dartboard so you won’t act out more literal revenge fantasies.

3. You know more about how karma works than all the other signs. Scorpio-style intelligence typically has a fine intuitive grasp of how today's realities evolved out of the deep patterns and rhythms of the past.

But that doesn't mean you perfectly understand how karma works. And I urge you to be eager to learn more. Become even savvier about how the law of cause and effect impacts the destinies of you and your allies.

Meditate on how the situations you are in now were influenced by actions you took once upon a time. Ruminate on what you could do in the near future to foster good karma and diminish weird karma.

4. Who can simultaneously love and hate, support and undermine, celebrate and demean with more panache than you? No one!

5. Be like the guardian of a cave of wonders that goes so deep that even you can't find its end.

6. Now and then, you slip into phases when you're poised on the brink of either self-damage or self-discovery. You wobble and lurch on the borderline where self-undoing vies with self-creation.

Whenever this situation arises, here are key questions to ask yourself: Is there a strategy you can implement to ensure that you glide into self-discovery and self-creation? Is there a homing thought that will lure you away from the perverse temptations of self-damage and self-undoing?

The answers to these queries are always yes—if you regard love as your top priority and if you serve the cause of love over every other consideration.

7. Remember that not everyone can handle your honesty, sometimes not even you.

8. Cherish wisdom more than knowledge. Serve soul more than ego.


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Below are responses to the topic "How to Be a Sagittarius." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.

1. Love vastly, powerfully, and with great depth. Get to the point. Keep it moving. Exult in having the big picture in mind. —Darrell Sanchez

2. Trust your gut instincts. While the world is telling you to take the safe, well-planned route, your inner itinerary provides alternative counsel. Listen to it. —Janell TheSelkie Oelrich Schreiber

3. At random occasions, erupt with sudden epiphanies about the mystery and meaning of whatever-the-hell-this-crazy-game-is-we're-all-playing. Scream it out to everyone. Run away laughing with senseless joy. —Mandy Macklin

4. Be fiercely allergic to fraud and injustice. With relish, rip the mask off the pathetic imposters. With glee, undo the corrupt work of the entitled greedheads. —Anna E. Woolverton

5. Never fake your way through anything. If you are scared, say so. If you don't know how to do something, ask for help. If you feel insecure, tell other people and request feedback. —Kathleen Youmans

6. Of all the signs in the zodiac, you Sagittarians know best how to have fun even when life sucks. Your daily rhythm may have unraveled into a tangle of boring or annoying tasks, and yet you can still summon a knack for enjoying yourself.

And how are your instincts for drumming up amusement when life doesn't suck? Are you as talented at whipping up joy and inspiration when the daily rhythm is smooth and groovy?

When you're at your best, the good times spur you to new heights of creating even more good times.

7. If thou hast pain, transmute it into pleasure. If thou hast guilt, wallow in it until it brings ecstasy. If thou hast hatred, burn in it until thou art ablaze with the infernal truths that will set thy soul free. —Babalon Frieze


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Below are responses to the topic "How to Be a Capricorn." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.

1. How to Be a Capricorn: Achieve everything you want while being true to your rigorous principles and expressing high levels of integrity.

2. I hereby authorize you to worry, worry, and worry some more. Stew and simmer as you weigh all the options and mull the correct actions.

But when the time is right, end your fretting with crisp decisiveness. Shake off any residual doubt that still clings to you. And then undertake robust action to transform the situation that provoked your righteous brooding.

3. I feel you Capricorns are wise to commune with rocks, dirt, mud, sand, and clay. I think you should regularly touch the actual earth with your hands and bare feet.

If I'm out hiking with a Capricorn friend, I might urge them to sniff blooming mushrooms and lean down to kiss the exposed roots of trees. Direct encounters with natural wonders are magic potions and miracle medicine for you.

Moreover, you flourish when you nurture close personal relationships with anything that might be described as foundational. Your words of power are kernel, core, gist, marrow, and keystone.

4. All our Capricornian climbing can feel exhausting until we realize we're getting younger and less burdened as we go. —Asha Sanaker

5. Becoming our own fathers can feel arduous for us Capricorns until we're old and sage enough to be good at it. —Asha Sanaker

6. You are not "royalty" in the abusive, oppressive way. People look to you to guide them because you have patience, care, and strength. You serve as anchor and support. You take on lots of responsibility because you can, you're asked to, and you like to.

7. Develop disciplined, well-planned strategies to achieve more freedom. —Alicia Dominic Keenon

8. Embrace your fully realized empowerment without having to negate the power of others. —Lisa Fairman


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Below are responses to the topic "How to Be an Aquarius." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.

1. Aquarian actor Tallulah Bankhead testified, "Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it."

2. Dream up creative solutions to problems that haven't materialized yet. Then apply your discoveries as you address problems that already exist.

In other words, Aquarius, your uncanny facility for glimpsing the future can be useful as you enhance your life in the present. Your almost psychic capacity to foretell coming trends can be instrumental as you fix glitches in the here and now.

3. Be a humble know-it-all who is smart enough to realize none of us can ever do more than scratch the surface of the Great Mystery. —Laura Monnig

4. Let your swirling, whirling intuition alight on the stony, muddy earth for longer and longer intervals. Allow your third eye to wear sunglasses every now and then. —Sara Elize

5. Keep getting rid of things that are not yours. —Amber Xanthos

6. Aquarius haters describe this as being an Aquarius monologue: "Help! I think I'm having a feeling. There are five, right? Which one is it? I can’t remember. Who cares!" —Kathleen Hansen

7. But Aquarius lover Chandira Hensey offers a counterargument to Aquarius haters: "We may be called aloof and dispassionate, but the truth is we feel everything and need to work diligently to screen out the constant chatter we absorb. We benefit by escaping to wild places where the airwaves are quieter and where we can think our own thoughts and feel our own feelings."

8. There is a subset of the Aquarius (Aquari-us) tribe that calls itself Aquarithem (Aquari-them). They think in seven dimensions instead of six. They celebrate the end of the world twice a year, not just once, as the Aquarius tribe does. Instead of claiming an unlimited Artistic License and Poet License, Aquarithems insist on wielding Artiztik Lizenses and Poetik Lizenses.


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Below are responses to the topic "How to Be a Pisces." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.

1. You're one big harmonious contradiction! You travel through and live in heaven and hell, plus all the sprawling real estate in between.

Other signs might be simply torn between the wild and tame, between the yes and no, between the black and white.

You are spread-eagled across the entire spectrum, forever tugged and heaved in the labyrinthine crosscurrent interwoven wrangle of motley versus patchwork, mosaic versus dappled, paisley versus plaid.

2. Surround yourself with people who don't condemn you for being spaced out or dreamy, but rather know how to have fun with you in the spacey dreaminess. —Elizabeth Kirkpatrick

3. Sometimes, you may feel you're under the influence of a debilitating spell or hindered by a murky curse. Pisceans are prone to such worries.

But here's a secret. More than any other zodiac sign, you have the power to escape from spells. Even if you have never studied the occult or read a witch's grimoire, you possess a natural facility for the natural magic that disperses curses. From the depths of your psyche, you can summon the spiritual force necessary to cleanse the gunk and free yourself.

Do you believe me? Now would be a perfect time to prove to yourself that what I've said here is true.

4. Cry. Write poetry. Cry about your poetry. Sing. Cry about your singing. Cry about your crying. —Cheryl Means

5. See way too much. Know way too much. Yearn for way too much. Give way too much. Take way too much. —Mebbie Jackson

6. My Piscean friend Luna wrote me an email that sums up how I sometimes feel about you. I'll repeat it here in hopes it will inspire you to be perfectly yourself.

Luna said, "Every time I meet someone who was born within like two weeks of my birthday, I end up with the impression that they are the loopiest and wisest person I've met in a long time. They are totally ridiculous and worthy of profound respect. They are unhinged and brilliantly focused. They are fuzzy-headed dreamers who couldn't possibly ever get anything practical accomplished, and they are lyrical thinkers who charm me with their attunement to the world's beauty and impress me with their understanding of how the world works. Hahahahaha. Luckily for me, I know the fool is sacred."

7. Is it better to seek spiritual enlightenment than to wander around lost in your fantasy world? Maybe. Maybe not. Who's to say your fantasy world isn't where you can find spiritual enlightenment?

8. Float in the salt watery sea foam, always gravitating toward the waves of melancholy ecstasy. —Renee Schildkraut

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