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The Televisionary Oracle

Chapter 39

The goddess Juno Februata

is said to have conceived the god Mars

by communing erotically with a sacred lily.

The Virgin Mary

achieved her gravid state

with the help of a dove,

and the Greek hero Attis

started germinating in his mom

after she ingested a pomegranate seed.


Now you,

beauty and truth fan,

through the magic of the Televisionary Oracle,

have the power to become pregnant

with a brilliant brainchild

through mystical union with a six-pack of beer.


JUST KIDDING!


You won't need any mind-altering substance

to conceive the divine inspiration you're ripe for.


Communing with the Televisionary Oracle

will work just fine

all by itself.


You are now wrestling with a subliminal message. BMW bouquet protector feast. On a conscious level, you may not know what the hell we're talking about, but your subconscious mind will record and remember all the mutant joy contained herein. Slamdunk peak-experience blueprint. Your dormant genius has already begun to stir, ensuring the genesis of love spells that will dispel the black magic you've wreaked on yourself. Pain-reliever flushed cheeks lucky dog dream-treasure. That's why we have utmost confidence that you will soon discover the power to kill your own death. Moist hot laughing bloom.


This sacred subliminal commercial

is brought to you by

The Committee for Surrealist Investigation of Claims of the Normal (CSICON)

which is now seeking evidence that "reality" exists.

Send proof to: zenpride@televisionaryoracle.com