In the alternate universe created by Marvel comic books, there is a mutant superhero called Squirrel Girl. She has the magic power to summon hordes of cute, furry squirrels. Under her guidance, they swarm all over the bad guy she's battling and disable him with their thousands of tiny chomps and thrashing tails. She and her rodent allies have defeated such arch-villains as Dr. Doom, Deadpool, Baron Mordo, and Ego the Living Planet. Let's make her your role model for the coming weeks, Aries. The cumulative force of many small things will be the key to your victories. As in Squirrel Girl's case, your adversaries' overconfidence may also be a factor.

Want to explore this chapter of your life story even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Most religions designate a special class of people -- priests, rabbis, ayatollahs -- to oversee official communications with the Source. This has led to a prevailing assumption, even among those who don't follow an established faith, that we can't initiate a divine conversation without the aid of a professional class of trained mediators. Among some sects of the ancient gnostics, in contrast, everyone was regarded as a potential prophet who could experience epiphanies worthy of becoming part of the ever-evolving doctrine.

As you create your own spiritual path, experiment with this approach. What might you do to eliminate the middleman and commune directly with the Source?

Name the ways you already use this approach, and brainstorm about others you might like to try.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

You have arrived at the edge of reality. Or rather, to be precise, you have arrived at the edge of what you think of as reality. Here's where things could get very interesting. Just on the other side of that edge you're brushing up against, there is much, much more reality -- a vast territory you have barely imagined, let alone believed in or explored. Are you feeling brave? If you're willing to find out about stuff you didn't even realize you would love to experience, I suggest you slip across the border and wander around on the other side.

You're got more strength and intelligence than you realize. For help in accessing those untapped inner resources, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
The Indian activist Mahatma Gandhi lead many peaceful rebellions against oppressive governments, first in South Africa and later in British-controlled India. At first he called his strategy "passive resistance," but later disavowed that term because it had negative implications. He ultimately chose the Sanskrit word satyagraha, meaning "love force" or "truth force." "Truth (satya) implies love," he said, "and firmness (agraha) is a synonym for force. Satyagraha is thus the force which is born of truth and love."

Give an example of how you have employed satyagraha in the past, and another example of how you might invoke it in the future.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

A character in Neil Gaiman's graphic novel A Game of You delivers this speech: "Everybody has a secret world inside of them . . . No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them." As a Gemini, you are not, of course, dull and boring on the outside. That may have something to do with why your secret inner worlds are often even frothier and sparklier than most people's. But lately, I'm afraid, some of those secret inner worlds of yours have gotten a bit shabby and dank. It's time for a deep cleansing. To be thorough, don't just wash your own brain. Wash your wild heart and funky soul, too.

How are you going to change what needs to be changed and accept what needs to be accepted? To get some support from me, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Say this: "Novel intuitions are now erupting from my smart heart, awakening me from any trance I've been ensnared in. I am hereby breaking and escaping obstructions that have hindered my ability to express my soul's code. All of my unique capacities are being unleashed, all of my potentials activated. I recognize that I'm a miraculous work of art, a masterpiece unlike any other ever created in the history of the world."

Say this: "I am a genius. I am a lucky, plucky, good-sucking genius."
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"You begin saving the world by saving one person at a time," said writer Charles Bukowski. "All else is grandiose romanticism or politics." I invite you to make that thought one of your guiding principles in the coming week, Cancerian. Translate your high ideals into actions that make a practical impact on particular human beings and animals. Instead of merely talking about what good things you want to do, actually do them. As much as possible, be sure that every detail of your daily life reflects your vision of ultimate truth and beauty.

Sometimes it's a challenge to try to figure out what's important and what's not important. If you'd like more of my input, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
In ancient Rome, gladiator contests were as popular as today's football games. The warriors back then were not hired heroes as they are now, however. They were slaves or convicts who were forced to fight. Even if they won, they were usually required to return and risk their lives another day. Now and then a grizzled veteran of countless struggles-to-the-death was awarded with the ultimate prize: a wooden sword, symbolizing the end of his role as a gladiator and the beginning of his life as a free man. I'm telling you this because I believe you have earned your own personal equivalent of the wooden sword. Make one for yourself.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

If you were a fledgling savior, now would be a propitious moment to begin your messianic mission. If you were a musician hoping to leap to the next level of career success, this would be prime time to plan an extensive tour. If you were the inventor of the Next Big Thing, I'd suggest that you get your marketing campaign in gear. And if none of those descriptions fits your personal situation, regard them as apt metaphors for your use. How can you spread the word about what's most important to you?

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your unfolding destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
The "Kumulipo" is an old Hawaiian prayer chant that poetically describes the creation of the world. The word literally means "beginning-in-deep-darkness." Here darkness doesn't connote gloom and evil. Rather, it's about the inscrutability of the embryonic state; the obscure chaos that reigns before germination. Talk about the last time you dwelt in kumulipo.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

As frontman of the band Queen, Virgo singer Freddie Mercury made use of his four-octave range with flamboyant showmanship and breathtaking technique. Many critics regard him as one of the greatest vocalists in the history of pop music. Freddie joked that he was perfect except for one glaring flaw: his overbite. Because he had four extra teeth in his upper mouth, his top jaw protruded. But he chose not to alter his appearance with surgery because he suspected it might change his singing voice in unpredictable ways. Is there a comparable situation in your own life, Virgo? A so-called imperfection that seems to be entwined with a beautiful asset? I urge you to be like Freddie. Accept the paradox -- embrace it and celebrate it -- and move on.

How much do you want to know about your life? How far do you dare to go in your quest for self-mastery? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Beauty and Truth Laboratory researcher Romney Austin adorned her Honda Civic with her first-ever bumper sticker, "Give Yourself to Love." While proud of announcing her compassionate philosophy to the world, she was also nervous. Hadn't she raised the pressure on herself to live up to her noble ideals?

A week later, she snapped. A guy chatting on a cell phone in a Lexus SUV cut her off in traffic, and road rage moved her to give him a middle-finger salute. Soon she added a new bumper sticker to the left of the first: "Get In, Sit Down, Shut Up, Hold On."

When I asked her about the contradiction, she confessed, "I've just accepted that I've got a split personality."

A week later, her conflicting sides reached a compromise. Romney pasted the word "and" in the space between the two stickers, to create a new thought: "Get In, Sit Down, Shut Up, Hold On, and Give Yourself to Love." She called to announce the good news: "I'm whole again!"
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The 14th-century poet Dante was a major influence on 20th-century novelist James Joyce. "I love Dante," wrote the author of the epic novel Ulysses. "He is my spiritual food." And yet Joyce felt he had to absorb Dante in small doses. "Dante tires one quickly," he said. "It is as if one were to look at the sun." Is there any influence like that in your own life, Libra? Judging from the astrological omens, I'm guessing it's a fine time for you to get as much sustained exposure to that glorious source as you can bear.

How well is your imagination working these days? Could it use a boost? A prod? A jolt of inspiration? Try tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Every act of genius, Carl Jung said, is an act contra naturam: against nature. Indeed, every effort to achieve psychological integration and union with the divine requires a knack for working against the grain. The 18th-century mystic Jacob Boehme recommended the same technique. The great secret to becoming enlightened, he said, is "to walk in all things contrary to the world." Qabalist teacher Paul Foster Case agreed: "The basis of the spiritual approach to life, the foundation of the everyday practice of a person who lives the life of obedience to esoteric law, is the reversal of the more usual ways of thinking, speaking and doing."

Name the ways you already use this approach, and brainstorm about others you might like to try.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Greek poet Sappho was renowned in antiquity. The nine books she wrote were so esteemed that the historian Strabo wrote, "in this whole span of recorded time we know of no woman to challenge her as a poet even in the slightest degree." And yet little of Sappho's work survives. As of 2004 there were just 264 fragments and three complete poems. But then a fourth complete poem emerged. Its text was written on papyrus that had been wrapped in the casing of an Egyptian mummy. The mummy had been stored for years in a backroom at Cologne University in Germany before someone discovered its hidden treasure. Your assignment, Scorpio, is to seek an equivalent recovery. Search for a part of the past that's still beautiful and useful, even if that quest leads you to unlikely and obscure places.

Would you like to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Do you want to uncover the secrets you've been hiding even from yourself? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Every January 1, many people make New Year's resolutions, promising to embark on programs of self-improvement. But your assignment now, should you choose to accept it, is to create a list of ANTI-resolutions.

Here are some questions to guide you: 1. What outlandish urges and controversial tendencies do you promise to cultivate in the coming months? 2. What nagging irritations will you ignore and avoid with even greater ingenuity? 3. What problems do you promise to exploit in order to have even more fun as you make the status quo accountable for its corruption? 4. What boring rules and traditions will you thumb your nose at, paving the way for exciting encounters with strange attractors?
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

When I turn my psychic attention in your direction, I smell smoldering smoke. Here's how I interpret that: Your internal fire is burning with less than maximum efficiency. Do you agree, Sagittarius? If so, do you know why that might be? Did you not provide enough kindling? Is the wood too green? Is the ground wet? I urge you to find out what the problem is. You can't afford to have sputtering flames and sooty light and spotty warmth. You need a steady blaze that radiates brilliant light and strong heat.

Do you wish you could get more clarity about the foggy, ambiguous situations you're dealing with? Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Speak the following lines out loud:
I love everything about me
I love my uncanny beauty and my bewildering pain
I love my hungry soul and my wounded longing
I love my flaws, my fears, and my scary frontiers

I will never forsake, betray, or deceive myself
I will always adore, forgive, and believe in myself
I will never refuse, abandon, or scorn myself
I will always amuse, delight, and redeem myself
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Very few of us are completely uninhibited about expressing who we really are. Most everyone is shy about revealing at least one facet of his or her identity. Why? Maybe because we're afraid that people will judge us harshly for being different from what they think we should be. Or maybe our secret side is at odds with our self-image, and we hesitate to acknowledge it even to ourselves. What is this part of you, Capricorn? In what sense are you still in the closet about a truth or quality or event that's central to your character? I urge you to have a conversation with yourself about it. You aren't necessarily ready to tell the whole world about it, but now might be the right time to start considering the possibility that you can give it more room to play.

Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Would you like help in solving the riddles that confuse you? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
For some seekers, spiritual enlightenment is the ultimate commodity. They believe that through diligent meditation and self-improvement, there will come a day when it will no longer elude their grasp. Breaking through to the singular state of cosmic consciousness, they will forever after own it, free and clear. Permanently illuminated! Never to backslide into the dull ignominy of normal human awareness!

Here's what I have to say about that: It's a delusion.

The fact is, the nature of perfection is always mutating. What constitutes enlightenment today will always be different tomorrow. Even if you're fortunate and wise enough to score a sliver of "enlightenment," it's not a static treasure that becomes your indestructible, everlasting possession. Rather, it remains a mercurial knack that must be continually re-earned.

If you want to befriend the Divine Wow, you must not only be willing to change ceaselessly -- you have to love to change ceaselessly.

Lucky you: All of creation is conspiring to help you live like that.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I absolutely forbid you to be a slave of happiness, a victim of pleasure, or a prisoner of love. Wait. Sorry. I take that back. What gives me the right to forbid you from doing anything? It's your life. You're the boss. So let me reframe my previous advice. Dear Aquarius, I beg you not to be a slave of happiness, a victim of pleasure, or a prisoner of love. None of the good things in life will give you what you need if you make yourself crazy or sick while pursuing them. That's the cautionary news. The encouraging news is that in the next five weeks, I think you will have a knack for cultivating a graceful relationship with happiness, pleasure, and love.

Need more help in figuring out the questions life is asking you? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
The Golden Rule is a decent ethical principle, but it could be even better. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" presumes that others enjoy what you enjoy. But that's wrong. There are many things you'd like to have done unto you that others would either despise or be bored by. Here's a new, improved formulation, which we call the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would like to have you do unto them.

Using this improved formula is not just a virtuous way to live, but is also the best way to ensure the success of your selfish goals. The rituals and spells of various occult orders purport to be supercharged techniques for imposing your personal will on the chaotic flow of events, but I say that practicing the Platinum Rule outstrips all of them as an exercise to enhance your power and happiness.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Don't be like the ducks that are floating on Phoenix Lake a short distance from where I'm sitting. They're feeding entirely on the surface, happy to skim a few insects from the top of the placid waters they're drifting on. No, Pisces, be more like the frogs that are diving to probe for morsels down below. This is a phase of your astrological cycle when the quest for more variety can deepen your perspective and provide better nourishment.

What fresh blessings will life bring you? What questions should you be asking? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
HELP WANTED. Practical dreamers with high emotional intelligence needed to become experts in the following subjects: the art of possessing abundant resources without feeling greed or a sense of superiority; the science of cultivating luxurious comfort in a way that does not lead to spiritual sloth; and a knack for enjoying peace and serenity without diluting one's ambition.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.