In alignment with the current astrological omens, I have prepared your horoscope using five hand-plucked aphorisms by Aries poet Charles Bernstein. 1. "You never know what invention will look like or else it wouldn't be invention." 2. "So much depends on what you are expecting." 3. "What's missing from the bird's eye view is plain to see on the ground." 4. "The questioning of the beautiful is always at least as important as the establishment of the beautiful." 5. "Show me a man with two feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on."

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YOU'RE A GORGEOUS GENIUS, a miracle unlike any other ever created in the history of the world. And yet you also still have a lot to learn.

If you'd like more clues about these mysterious matters, tune in to one of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. Each one is a four-to-five-minute report on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed. It's not a repeat or extension of the written 'scope you read here for free, but rather an entirely fresh exploration of your astrological omens -- designed to help you tune in to and express your soul's code!

It may seem absurd for a dreamy oracle like me to give economic advice to Tauruses, who are renowned as being among the zodiac's top cash attractors. Is there anything I can reveal to you that you don't already know? Well, maybe you're not aware that the next four weeks will be prime time to revise and refine your long-term financial plans. It's possible you haven't guessed the time is right to plant seeds that will produce lucrative yields by 2019. And maybe you don't realize that you can now lay the foundation for bringing more wealth into your life by raising your generosity levels.

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How much do you want to know about your life? How far do you dare to go in your quest for self-mastery? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to one of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

Each one is a four-to-five-minute report on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed. It's not a repeat or extension of the written 'scope you read here for free, but rather an entirely fresh exploration of your astrological omens -- designed to help you tune in to and express your soul's code!

I used to have a girlfriend whose mother hated Christmas. The poor woman had been raised in a fanatical fundamentalist Christian sect, and she drew profound solace and pleasure from rebelling against that religion's main holiday. One of her annual traditions was to buy a small Christmas tree and hang it upside-down from the ceiling. She decorated it with ornamental dildos she had made out of clay. While I understood her drive for revenge and appreciated the entertaining way she did it, I felt pity for the enduring ferocity of her rage. Rather than mocking the old ways, wouldn't her energy have been much better spent inventing new ways? If there is any comparable situation in your own life, Gemini, now would be a perfect time to heed my tip. Give up your attachment to the negative emotions that arose in response to past frustrations and failures. Focus on the future.

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YOU NEED MYSTERY. Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation.

One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here.

If you ever want more, try one of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. Each one is a four-to-five-minute report on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed. It's not a repeat or extension of the written 'scope you read here for free, but rather an entirely fresh exploration of your astrological omens -- designed to help you tune in to and express your soul's code!

So begins the "I Love To Worry" season for you Cancerians. Even now, bewildering self-doubts are working their way up toward your conscious awareness from your unconscious depths. You may already be overreacting in anticipation of the anxiety-provoking fantasies that are coalescing. But wait! It doesn't have to be that way. I'm here to tell you that the bewildering self-doubts and anxiety-provoking fantasies are at most ten percent accurate. They're not even close to being half-true! Here's my advice: Do NOT go with the flow, because the flow will drag you down into ignominious habit. Resist all tendencies towards superstition, moodiness, and melodramatic descents into hell. One thing you can do to help accomplish this brave uprising is to sing beloved songs with maximum feeling.

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YOU NEED MAGIC. Every day, you have to wade through a relentless surge of soul-less information. The experience tends to shut down your sense of wonder.

Every day, you're over-exposed to narratives that have been sucked free of delight and mystery. That's why you have to make strenuous efforts to keep your world enchanted.

I aspire to contribute to the sacred cause of feeding your sense of wonder and enchantment. That's one of my main motivations for offering you my free horoscopes, book excerpts, and music.

If you ever want more of that stuff, try one of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. Each one is a four-to-five-minute report on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed. It's not a repeat or extension of the written 'scope you read here for free, but rather an entirely fresh exploration of your astrological omens -- designed to help you tune in to and express your soul's code!

You can also listen over the phone by calling 1-877-873-4888.

Your lucky numbers are 55 and 88. By tapping into the uncanny powers of 55 and 88, you can escape the temptation of a hexed fiction and break the spell of a mediocre addiction. These catalytic codes could wake you up to a useful secret you've been blind to. They might help you catch the attention of familiar strangers or shrink one of your dangerous angers. When you call on 55 or 88 for inspiration, you may be motivated to seek a more dynamic accomplishment beyond your comfortable success. You could reactivate an important desire that has been dormant.

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TAP INTO THE FUTURE. What new influences are heading your way? How do you want to create your life story in the coming weeks? How can you exert your free will to seek out the adventures that will bring out the best in you, even as you find graceful ways to cooperate with the tides of destiny?

If you'd like help in figuring it all out, consider trying one of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. Each one is a four-to-five-minute report on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed. It's not a repeat or extension of the written 'scope you read here for free, but rather an entirely fresh exploration of your astrological omens -- designed to help you tune in to and express your soul's code!

You can also listen over the phone by calling 1-877-873-4888

What exactly is the epic, overarching goal that you live for? What is the higher purpose that lies beneath every one of your daily activities? What is the heroic identity you were born to create but have not yet fully embodied? You may not be close to knowing the answers to those questions right now, Virgo. In fact, I'm guessing your fear of meaninglessness might be at a peak. Luckily, a big bolt of meaningfulness is right around the corner. Be alert for it. In a metaphorical sense, it will arrive from the depths. It will strengthen your center of gravity as it reveals lucid answers to the questions I posed in the beginning of this horoscope.

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YOU'RE STRONGER THAN YOU KNOW. Whether it's your time to ferment in the shadows or sing in the sunlight, fresh power to transform yourself is on the way. Life always delivers the creative energy you need to change into the new thing you must become.

For more help in understanding it all, consider listening to one of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. Each one is a four-to-five-minute report on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed. It's not a repeat or extension of the written 'scope you read here for free, but rather an entirely fresh exploration of your astrological omens -- designed to help you tune in to and express your soul's code!

We all need teachers. We all need guides and instructors and sources of inspiration from the day we're born until the day we die. In a perfect world, each of us would always have a personal mentor who'd help us fill the gaps in our learning and keep us focused on the potentials that are crying out to be nurtured in us. But since most of us don't have that personal mentor, we have to fend for ourselves. We've got to be proactive as we push on to the next educational frontier. The next four weeks will be an excellent time for you to do just that, Libra.

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YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO AND YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IT!

Take inventory of the extent that "No" dominates your life. Notice how often you say or think: 1. "That's not right." 2. "I don't like that." 3. "I don't agree with that." 4. "They don't like me." 5. "I'm not very good." 6. "That should be different from what it is."

For help in retraining yourself to say "Yes!" at least 51% of the time, tune in to one of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. Each one is a four-to-five-minute report on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed. It's not a repeat or extension of the written 'scope you read here for free, but rather an entirely fresh exploration of your astrological omens -- designed to help you tune in to and express your soul's code!

This is your last warning! If you don't stop fending off the happiness and freedom that are trying to worm their way into your life, I'm going to lose my cool. Damn it! Why can't you just accept good luck and sweet strokes of fate at face value?! Why do you have to be so suspicious and mistrustful?! Listen to me: The abundance that's lurking in your vicinity is not the set-up for a cruel cosmic joke. It's not some wicked game designed to raise your expectations and then dash them to pieces. Please, Scorpio, give in and let the good times wash over you.

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LOVE YOUR LIFE. Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things?

For inspiration, tune in to one of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. Each one is a four-to-five-minute report on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed. It's not a repeat or extension of the written 'scope you read here for free, but rather an entirely fresh exploration of your astrological omens -- designed to help you tune in to and express your soul's code!

Journalist James A. Fussell defined "thrashing" as "the act of tapping helter-skelter over a computer keyboard in an attempt to find 'hidden' keys that trigger previously undiscovered actions in a computer program." I suggest we use this as a metaphor for your life in the next two weeks. Without becoming rude or irresponsible, thrash around to see what interesting surprises you can drum up. Play with various possibilities in a lighthearted effort to stimulate options you have not been able to discover through logic and reason.

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What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else? It's possible one of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES could give you additional help in figuring that out.

Each one is a four-to-five-minute report on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed. It's not a repeat or extension of the written 'scope you read here for free, but rather an entirely fresh exploration of your astrological omens -- designed to help you tune in to and express your soul's code!

Let's observe a moment of silence for the illusion that is in the process of disintegrating. It has been a pretty illusion, hasn't it? Filled with hope and gusto, it has fueled you with motivation. But then again -- on second thought -- its prettiness was more the result of clever packaging than inner beauty. The hope was somewhat misleading, the gusto contained more than a little bluster, and the fuel was an inefficient source of motivation. Still, let's observe a moment of silence anyway. Even dysfunctional mirages deserve to be mourned. Besides, its demise will fertilize a truer and healthier and prettier dream that will contain a far smaller portion of illusion.

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In addition to the horoscopes I write for you, I offer weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. Each one is a four-to-five-minute report on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed. It's not a repeat or extension of the written 'scope you read here for free, but rather an entirely fresh exploration of your astrological omens -- designed to help you tune in to and express your soul's code!

You can sign in and access them here.

Meanwhile, here's a free podcast of mine that you might like: It's called FEAR VERSUS INTUITION. It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions.

Judging from the astrological omens, I conclude that the upcoming weeks will be a favorable time for you to engage in experiments befitting a mad scientist. You can achieve interesting results as you commune with powerful forces that are usually beyond your ability to command. You could have fun and maybe also attract good luck as you dream and scheme to override the rules. What pleasures have you considered to be beyond your capacity to enjoy? It wouldn't be crazy for you to flirt with them. You have license to be saucy, sassy, and extra sly.

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Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your unfolding destiny, tune in to one of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

Each one is a four-to-five-minute report on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed. It's not a repeat or extension of the written 'scope you read here for free, but rather an entirely fresh exploration of your astrological omens -- designed to help you tune in to and express your soul's code!

Meanwhile, here's a free podcast of mine that you might like: It's called YOU ARE A PROPHET. It's a meditation about the single most important tool you have for creating your future -- your imagination.

A snail can slowly crawl over the edge of a razor blade without hurting itself. A few highly trained experts, specialists in the art of mind over matter, are able to walk barefoot over beds of hot coals without getting burned. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, Pisces, you now have the metaphorical equivalent of powers like these. To ensure they'll operate at peak efficiency, you must believe in yourself more than you ever have before. Luckily, life is now conspiring to help you do just that.

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YOU NEED MYSTERY. Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation.

One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here.

If you ever want more, listen to one of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. Each one is a four-to-five-minute report on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed. It's not a repeat or extension of the written 'scope you read here for free, but rather an entirely fresh exploration of your astrological omens -- designed to help you tune in to and express your soul's code!