The coming months will be a favorable time to boost your skills as a cagey warrior. I don't mean you should push people around and get into lots of fights. Rather, the goal is for you to harness your aggressiveness constructively and to wield your willpower with maximum grace. In the face of fear, you will not just be brave, but brave and crafty. You'll refrain from forcing storylines to unfold before they're ready, and you'll rely on strategy and good timing instead of brute strength and the decree "Because I said so." Now study this counsel from the ancient Chinese statesman Zhuge Liang, also known as Crouching Dragon: "The wise win before they fight, while the ignorant fight to win."

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What fresh blessings will life bring you? What questions should you be asking? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Help Wanted: We are looking for a benevolent troublemaker of any gender to serve as a model for a statue of the Egyptian goddess of justice, Maat. You must be willing to sit on a lion, wear ostrich feathers, and hold a sword aloft for long hours.

Your thighs should be strong and you should be able to make your eyes be wild with the desire to stir up both balance and mercy everywhere you go. Ideally, you are in a phase of your personal life when you are sincerely angry about all forms of injustice, even those that don't directly affect you your own interests. Scrupulous curiosity is also a plus.

Hear this meditation.

Everything you do in the coming days should be imbued with the intention of enhancing the Flow. It's high time to identify where the energy is stuck, and then get it unstuck. You have a sacred mandate to relieve the congestion . . . to relax the tweaks . . . to unravel the snarls if you can, or simply cut through them if necessary. You don't need to tell anyone about your secret agenda. Just go about your business with zealous diligence and unflagging purpose. If it takes more effort than you wished, so be it. If your progress seems maddeningly gradual, keep the faith.

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Want to explore this chapter of your life story even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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We are waking up.

As heaven and earth come together, as the dreamtime and daytime merge, we register the shockingly exhilarating fact that we are in charge -- you and I are in charge -- of creating a brand new world. Not in some distant time or faraway place, but right here and right now.

If you do not bring the genius within you, it will destroy you. But if you do bring forth the genius within you, it will free you.

As we stand on this brink, as we dance on this verge, we cannot let the ruling fools of the dying world sustain their curses. We have to rise up and fight their insane logic; defy, resist, and prevent their tragic magic; erupt with our sacred rage and supercharge it.

But overthrowing the living dead is not enough. Protesting the well-dressed monsters is not enough. We can't afford to be consumed with our anger; can't be obsessed and possessed by their danger.

Our mysterious bodies crave delight and fertility. Our ancient imaginations demand fresh tastes of infinity.

In the new world we're creating, we need lusty compassion and ecstatic duty, ingenious love and insurrectionary beauty. radical curiosity and reverent pranks, voracious listening and ferocious thanks . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

My long-term predictions for the next 15 months are a blend of hopeful optimism and a reasonable interpretation of the astrological omens. Here we go: 1. You will have an excellent chance to smooth and soothe the rough spots in your romantic karma. 2. You will outgrow any addiction you might have to frustrating connections. 3. Unrequited love will either be requited, or else you'll become bored with the futile chase and move on. 4. You'll be challenged to either refresh and reinvent an existing intimacy, or else get shrewd enough not to repeat past mistakes in a new intimacy. 5. You will have an abundance of good ideas about how to install the theme of smart fun at the heart of your strongest alliances.

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You're got more strength and intelligence than you realize. For help in accessing those untapped inner resources, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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All I ask of you: Be my slow-motion dance. Be my birthday earthquake. Be my spiral marble staircase in the middle of a Vermont meadow. Be my handstand on a barstool, my whirlwind week in clown school, my joke shared with a Siberian shaman while shopping for T-shirts at Sears. Be my last because . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

Author Courttia Newland quotes the pre-Socratic philosopher Meno: "How will you go about finding the thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?" In response to this riddle, Newland riffs on what it means to him: "Even more important than the journey itself, is the venture into the unknowable. The ability to find comfort moving forwards without quite knowing where you are going." I nominate these to be your words to live by in the coming days, Cancerian. Have open-hearted fun as you go in search of mysterious and impossible secrets! I'm confident you will track them down -- especially if you're willing to be lost.

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How are you going to change what needs to be changed and accept what needs to be accepted? To get some support from me, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"The real secret of magic is that the world is made of words," said Terence McKenna, "and that if you know the words that the world is made of, you can make of it whatever you wish."

Here's my version of that hypothesis: What world you end up living in depends at least in part on your use of language.

Do you want to move and breathe amidst infertile chaos where nothing makes sense and no one really loves anyone? Then speak with unconscious carelessness, expressing yourself lazily. Constantly materialize and entertain angry thoughts in the privacy of your own imagination, beaming silent curses out into eternity.

Or would you prefer to live in a realm that's rich with fluid epiphanies and intriguing coincidences and mysterious harmonies? Then be discerning and inventive in how you speak, primed to name the unexpected codes that are always being born right in front of your eyes. Turn your imagination into an ebullient laboratory where the somethings you create out of nothings are tinctured with the secret light you see in your dreams of invisible fire . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

Your homework is to write a story about the life you're going to live between now and next April. The length of this predictive tale should be at least three pages, although it's fine if you produce more. Here are some meditations to lubricate the flow of your imagination. 1. What three questions would you love to have answered during the next 42 weeks? 2. Of the numerous adventures that might be fun to explore, which are the two that would be most consistently energizing? 3. What is the one thing you'd most like to change about your attitude or revamp about your life? 4. What new privilege will you have earned by April 2017?

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Sometimes it's a challenge to try to figure out what's important and what's not important. If you'd like more of my input, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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I want to be free
in the mystery of love
I want to be wild
when the world begins again
I want to wake up and listen
Be in love with my life and death
and I want you to be there with me

I want all the children
to have enough to eat
I want all the angry men
to destroy their own pain
I want us all to be happy
and crazy and safe and real
I want everybody to be loved

Hear this meditation.

According to an old Chinese proverb, if you want to get rich, you must have a nickname. My meditations on your future suggest that this curious formula may have some validity. The next 15 months will be a favorable time to attend to the groundwork that will ultimately increase your wealth. And your luck in doing this work is likely to be oddly good if you add a frisky tweak to your identity -- such as a zesty new nickname, for example. I suggest you stay away from clichés like Ace or Vixen or Sharpie, as well as off-putting ironic monikers like Poker Face and Stonewall. Instead, gravitate toward lively choices like Dazzler, FluxLuster, Hoochie-Coochie, or FreeBorn.

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Sometimes it's a challenge to try to figure out what's important and what's not important. If you'd like more of my input, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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When an old tree in the rain forest dies and topples over, it takes a long time to decompose. As it does, it becomes host to new saplings that use the decaying log for nourishment.

Picture yourself sitting in the forest gazing upon this scene. How would you describe it? Would you dwell on the putrefaction of the fallen tree while ignoring the fresh life sprouting out of it? If you did that, you’d be imitating the perspective of many modern storytellers, especially the journalists and novelists and filmmakers and producers of TV dramas. They devoutly believe that tales of affliction and mayhem and corruption and tragedy are inherently more interesting than tales of triumph and liberation and pleasure and ingenuity.

The German actor Udo Kier summed up the general consensus in an interview he did a few years ago. "Evil has no limit," he sneered, blustering like a naughty genius. "Evil has no limit. Good has a limit. Good is not as interesting as evil."

Two hundred years ago the poet John Keats said that if something is not beautiful, it is probably not true. But Udo Kier and his many compatriots disagree with Keats. With one voice, they imply that if something is not ugly, it is not true . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

During the next 15 months, you will have an unprecedented chance to materialize a fantasy you've harbored for years. Essential to your efforts will be a capacity to summon more ambition than you ever have before. I'm not talking about the grubby self-promotion that typically passes for ambition, however. Arrogant self-importance and selfish posturing will not be part of your winning formula. Rather, the kind of ambition I'm referring to is a soaring aspiration that seeks the best and highest not just for yourself but for everyone whose life you touch. I mean the holy hunger that drives you to express impeccable integrity as you seek to master the tasks you came to Earth to accomplish. Get started!

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Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your unfolding destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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You taste delicious
Animals understand you
Your importance is unusual

The funny faces you make
are interesting to look at
You fight for power in all the right ways

Ecstatic gratitude is pouring out of you
I see the best in you
Your divine attitude

You have strong feet and a pioneer heart

No one can overflow as well as you can

You are famous with God
You are famous with me
You are famous with the snakes and birds
and roses and pines
and oceans and earth and sky

A lost tribe salutes you from the other side of the veil

You remind me of a star

Hear this meditation.

During the next 15 months, composting should be a primary practice, as well as a main metaphor. If you have been lazy about saving leftover scraps from your kitchen and turning them into fertilizer, now is an excellent time to intensify your efforts. The same is true if you have been lax about transforming your pain into useful lessons that invigorate your lust for life. Be ever-alert for opportunities to capitalize on junk, muck, and slop. Find secret joy in creating unexpected treasure out of old failures and wrong turns.

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How much do you want to know about your life? How far do you dare to go in your quest for self-mastery? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Welcome to the Beauty and Truth Lab.

We're coming to you live from your repressed memories of paradise, reminding you that you can have anything you want if you will just ask for it in an unselfish way.

Welcome to the end of your nightmares, beauty and truth fans!

The world is young, your soul is free, and a naked celebrity is dying to talk to you about your most intimate secrets right now.

Just kidding.

In fact, the world is young, your soul is free, and at any moment you will feel a flood of ecstatic compassion for salamanders, oak trees, clouds, toasters, convenience store clerks, and even the ocean itself.

I'm your host.

My name is the Sacred Janitor at the Edge of Time, and I'm proud to announce that this is a perfect moment.

It's a perfect moment for many reasons, but especially because you are on the verge of finally figuring out exactly what it is you really want more than anything else . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

Have you ever made a fool of yourself while trying to fulfill your deepest yearnings? I hope so. If you haven't, your yearnings probably aren't deep enough. Most of us, on multiple occasions, have pursued our longings for connection with such unruly intensity that we have made foggy decisions and engaged in questionable behavior. That's the weird news. The good news is that now and then, the impulse to leave our safety zone in a quest to quench our deepest yearnings can actually make us smarter and more effective. I believe this is one of those times for you.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The poet Muriel Rukeyser said the universe is composed of stories, not of atoms. The physicist Werner Heisenberg declared that the universe is made of music, not of matter.

And we believe that if you habitually expose yourself to toxic stories and music, you could wind up living in the wrong universe, where it's impossible to become the gorgeous genius you were born to be.

That's why we implore you to nourish yourself with delicious, nutritious tales and tunes that inspire you to exercise your willpower for your highest good.

Hear this meditation.

During the next 13 months, what can you do to enhance your ability to be the boss of yourself? What practices can you engage in on a daily basis that will build your potency and authority and clout? How can you gain access to more of the helpers and resources you need to carry out your life's master plan? These are excellent questions to ask yourself every day between now and July 2017. It's time to find or create your ultimate power spot.

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Do you wish you could get more clarity about the foggy, ambiguous situations you're dealing with? Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Your magic talisman is a thousand-year-old Joshua tree whose flowers blossom just one night each year and can only be pollinated by the yucca moth

Your special time of the day is the moment just before the mist evaporates

You have fire in your blood and sea salt in your tears

Your vision of power is the red-tailed hawk soaring over the shopping mall

The colors of your soul are ivory vermilion, sable, and jade

Your soil of destiny is peat moss

The legendary deed that most resembles the method in your madness is the story of the hero who tames the monster without touching it

You have a secret name that will be revealed to you very soon

Your sweet spot is between the true believers and the scoffing skeptics

Your holiest pain comes from your ability to sense other people's cracked notions about you

Your magic verbs are dig, descend, and disclose

The garage sale item you most resemble is an old but beautiful and sonorous accordion with a broken key

Your mythic symbol is a treasure chest dislodged from its hiding place in the earth by a flood

Hear this meditation.

The prison population in the U.S. is over two million, more than twice what it was in 1990. In contrast, Canada keeps about 41,000 people in jail, Italy 52,000, and France 66,000. That's the bad news. The good news, at least for you and your tribe, is that a relatively small percentage of you will be incarcerated during the next 15 months. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, Aquarians all over the world will specialize in liberation. Not only will you be extra ethical; not only will you be skillful at evading traps; you will also be adept at emancipating yourself from your own delusions and limitations. Congratulations in advance! It's time to start singing some new freedom songs.

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Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Would you like help in solving the riddles that confuse you? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Many of us are essentially asleep, even as we walk around in broad daylight. We're so focused on the restless narratives and repetitive fantasies unfurling in our heads that we only dimly perceive the larger story raging in all of its chaotic beauty around us.

To have any hope of permanently breaking out of our fuzzy trance, we require regular shocks. A single jolt might cause us to briefly come to attention and see the miracle of creation for what it is, but once the red alert has passed, we relax back into our fixation on the dreamy tales our mind never stops telling us.

In the course of its conspiracy to shower us with blessings, life does its best to provide us with a steady flow of healing shocks. But because it tends to err on the side of tenderness, its prods may be too gentle, allowing us to ignore them. Gradually, life will up the ante, trying to find the right mix of toughness and love, as it encourages us to WAKE UP!

But our addiction to the phantasmagoria is tenacious. The stream-of-conscious narratives and ever-bubbling fantasies, even when they're racked with torment and terror, are perversely entertaining. And so we may avoid responding to the kind shocks for so long that life finally has to resort to stronger medicine. Then we might get sick or lose our job or muck up our closest relationship.

It doesn't have to be that way. We could cultivate in ourselves a sixth sense for the wake-up calls life sends us. We might develop a knack for responding with agile grace to the early, gentler ones so that we wouldn't have to be visited by the more stringent measures . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

The English word "catharsis" is derived from the ancient Greek katharsis, which was a technical medical term that meant "purgation" or "purification," as in flushing out the bowels. Aristotle converted katharsis into a metaphor that described how a drama performed in the theater could "clean out" the emotions of spectators. These days, catharsis may refer to any event that precipitates a psycho-spiritual renewal by building up and then releasing tension. I foresee at least one of these strenuous blessings in your immediate future.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Breathe sweetly and deeply. As you inhale, remember that the calcium in your bones and the iron in your blood were originally created at the core of a red giant star that died billions of years ago.

As you exhale, allow your perfect animal body to gentle explode with luminous gratitude. Feel streams of orgiastic compassion flowing out of your wild heart in spiral hallelujahs . . . .

Hear the rest of this meditation.