Keith Moon played drums for the rock band the Who. He was once voted the second-greatest drummer in history. But his erratic behavior, often provoked by drugs or alcohol, sometimes interfered with his abilities. In 1973, the Who was doing a live concert near San Francisco when the horse tranquilizer that Moon had taken earlier caused him to pass out. The band appealed to the audience for help. "Can anybody play the drums?" asked guitarist Pete Townshend. "I mean somebody good?" A 19-year-old amateur drummer named Scot Halpin volunteered. He played well enough to finish the show. I suspect that sometime soon, Aries, you may also get an unexpected opportunity to play the role of a substitute. Be ready!

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You're got more strength and intelligence than you realize. For help in accessing those untapped inner resources, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"Keep exploring what it takes to be the opposite of who you are," suggests psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of the book Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention. This advice is one of his ideas about how to get into attunement with the Tao, also known as being in the zone.

How would you go about being the opposite of who you are? Try it and see if it drives you into a state of euphoria.

The weta is a very large insect whose habitat is New Zealand. It looks like a robotic grasshopper, with giant black eyes on a long red face, enlarged hind legs bearing spikes, and floppy, oversized antennae. The native Maori people call it "the god of the ugly things." Please note that this is a term of respect. The weta's title is not "the most monstrous of the ugly things," or "the worst" or "the scariest" or "the most worthless of the ugly things." Rather, the Maori say it's the god -- the highest, the best, the most glorious. I suspect that in the coming days, Taurus, you will have a close encounter with your own version of a "god of ugly things." Doesn't it deserve your love and welcome?

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Check out this excerpt from "Those Who Do Not Dance," by Chilean poet Gabriela Mistral: "God asked from on high, / 'How do I come down from this blueness?' / We told Him: / come dance with us in the light."

I love this passage because it reminds me that nothing is ever set in stone; everything is always up for grabs. Even God needs to be open to change and eager for fresh truths. Furthermore, even we puny humans may on occasion need to be God's teacher and helper. Likewise, we can never be sure about what lowly or unexpected sources might bring us the influences we require.

What do Mistral's words mean to you? Imagine you're the "God" referenced in the poem. What blueness are you ready to come down from, and who might invite you to dance in their light?

You have successfully made the transition from brooding caterpillar to social butterfly. Soon you will be in your full, fluttery glory, never lingering too long with one thought, one friend, or one identity. Some heavy-duty, level-headed stalwarts might wish you would be more earthy and anchored, but I don't share their concern. At least for now, having a long attention span is overrated. You have entered the fidgety, inquisitive part of your cycle, when flitting and flirting and flickering make perfect sense.

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Sometimes it's a challenge to try to figure out what's important and what's not important. If you'd like more of my input, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Confounding lessons and delightful shocks have been increasing in frequency during the recent past and will continue to do so in the foreseeable future. In light of that fact, you may want to find some new ways to express your amazement. Clichés like "Jesus H. Christ!" or "Holy crap!" or "What the fuck?!" may not be sufficient to capture the full impact of the aha! moments.

To get you launched in the right direction, I'll suggest a few fresh exclamations. They're not designed to become tried-and-true replacements for the lazy phrases you're using now, but are rather meant to jog your imagination and inspire you to conjure up a constantly changing variety of ever-fresh invocations. Now see how these roll off your tongue: "Great Odin's raven!" "Radical lymphocytes!" "Cackling whacks of jibber-jabber!" "Frosty heat waves!" "Panoramic serpentine!"

Only one fear is worthy of you. Only one fear is real enough and important enough to awaken and activate the numb part of your intelligence. So for now, I suggest that you retire all lesser fears. Stuff them in a garbage bag and hide them in a closet. Then put on your brave champion face, gather the allies and resources you need, and go forth into glorious battle. Wrestle with your one fear. Reason with it. If necessary, use guile and trickery to gain an advantage. Call on divine inspiration and be a wickedly good truth-teller. And this is crucial: Use your fear to awaken and activate the numb part of your intelligence.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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A friend gave me a live rosebush in a planter for my birthday last June. After a few weeks, its five red flowers withered and turned brown but didn't fall off their stems. I left them there, perversely fascinated by the dead blooms that wouldn't let go. Months later, in late November, five new flowers blossomed. Then the bush displayed a mix of the living and the dead.

Would you have plucked off the dried-up old blooms, or would you find it more beautiful with both the living and the dead together?

In the coming nights, try to see your shadow as it's cast on the ground by the moon. Not by the sun, mind you. Look for the shadow that's made by the light of the moon. It might sound farfetched, but I suspect this experience will have a potent impact on your subconscious mind. It may jostle loose secrets that you have been hiding from yourself. I bet it will give you access to emotions and intuitions you have been repressing. It could also help you realize that some of the deep, dark stuff you wrestle with is not bad and scary, but rather fertile and fascinating.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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In his book Making Sex: Body and Gender from the Greeks to Freud, historian Thomas Laquer suggests that the clitoris may have been unknown to male anatomists until 1559. In that year, Renaldus Columbus, a professor at the University of Padua in Italy, announced his discovery of the "seat of woman's delight," and declared his right to name it the "sweetness of Venus."

Is there a sublime pleasure whose existence you haven't discovered? Where is it? How can you find it?

The ancient Greek statesman Demosthenes was regarded as a supremely skilled orator. His speeches were so powerful that he was compared to a "blazing thunderbolt." And yet as a youngster he spoke awkwardly. His voice was weak and his enunciation weird. To transform himself, he took drastic measures. He put pebbles in his mouth to force himself to formulate his words with great care. He recited poems as he ran up and down hills. At the beach, he learned to outshout the pounding surf. Take inspiration from him, Virgo. Now would be an excellent time for you to plan and launch strenuous efforts that will enable you to eventually accomplish one of your long-range goals.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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If you're reading this, you're probably not a Cambodian orphan who grew up as a slave in a brothel or a Sudanese man kidnapped by a militia and forced to do heavy labor 18 hours a day or one of the millions of other victims of human trafficking around the world. But you may be yoked and subjugated in a less literal way, perhaps to a debilitating drug or an abusive relationship or a job that brings out the worst in you or a fearful fantasy about the looming collapse of civilization's infrastructure.

The good news is that you have the power to escape your bondage. Maybe it'll help you muster the strength you need if I remind you that your freedom won't be anywhere near as difficult to achieve as that of the Pakistani boy tied to a carpet loom in a dark room around the clock or the Nigerian woman who's beaten daily as she toils in the sugar cane fields for no pay.

Try this: When you feel overwhelmed by the sadness of your problems or the addiction of your compulsions, put on your best clothes and clean toilets at a homeless shelter, or give foot massages to workers at a sewage disposal plant, or sing songs, sip champagne, and play card games with patients at a psychiatric hospital. Be ready to get hit upside the soul with exotic varieties of ecstasy, which such acts will unleash.

Long-distance flirtations may soon be just around the corner or across the street. Remote possibilities are taking short cuts as they head your way. I swear the far horizon and the lucky stars seem closer than usual. Is it all a mirage? Some of it may be, but at least a part of it is very real. If you want to be ready to seize the surprising opportunities that show up in your vicinity, I suggest you make yourself as innocent and expansive as possible. Drop any jaded attitudes you may be harboring. Let the future know that you are prepared to receive a flood of beauty, truth, and help.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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It's possible there's still enough oil buried in the earth to sustain our civilization's exorbitant appetite for material comforts for another 100 years. Or it may be true, as some researchers suggest, that global reserves of black gold are rapidly dwindling, and 20 years from now we'll all be farmers and hunters sitting around campfires at night telling stories.

Whichever scenario comes to pass, you may be happiest and smartest and healthiest if you cultivate a simple and earthy relationship with luxury—something akin to poet Omar Khayyám's notion, which was "a jug of wine, a loaf of bread, and thou beside me singing in the wilderness." Comments? Questions? Celebrations?

P.S. The amount of oil left in the world has no bearing whatsoever on your ability to cultivate ecstasy.

I suspect that marriages of convenience will begin to wither away unless they evolve into bonds of affection. Connections that have been fed primarily on fun and games must acquire more ballast. In fact, I recommend that you re-evaluate all your contracts and agreements. How are they working for you? Do they still serve the purpose you want them to? Is it time to acknowledge that they have transformed and need to be reconfigured? As you take inventory, be both tough-minded and compassionate.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Here's Caroline Myss' explanation of faith: "Faith is the power to stand up to the madness and chaos of the physical world while holding the position that nothing external has any authority over what heaven has in mind for you."

If you don't like the word "heaven" in Myss' statement, substitute a term that works for you, like "your higher self" or "your destiny" or "your soul's code." Modify anything else in it that's not right for your needs, as well. When you're finished tinkering, I hope you'll have created a definition of faith that motivates you with as much primal power as you feel when you're in love.

Petrarch was an influential 14th-century Italian poet whose main work was Song Book. It's a collection of 366 poems, most of which are dedicated to Laura, the woman he loved. For 40 years he churned out testaments of longing and appreciation for her, despite the fact that he and she never spent time together. She was married to another man, and was wrapped up in raising her eleven children. Should we judge Petrarch harshly for choosing a muse who was so unavailable? I don't. Muse-choosing is a mysterious and sacred process that transcends logic. I'm bringing the subject to your attention because you're entering a new phase in your relationship with muses. It's either time to choose a new one (or two?) or else adjust your bonds with your current muses.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The New York Times ran a story about philosopher Nick Bostrom, who believes there's a significant chance our world is actually a computer simulation. In his scenario, you and I are living in a version of The Matrix. Our "brains" are merely webs of computer circuits created by our post-human descendants, who are studying "ancestor simulations" of their past. I bring this to your attention because I'd like to invite you to find out, one way or another, whether Bostrom is correct.

Make it your intention to cultivate a talent for knowing what's real and what's not. Develop a knack for escaping what's illusory and gravitating toward what's authentic. If you do these simple things, I bet you will earn a big reward: a chronic, low-key, blissful sense of union with pretty much everything that's appealing to you.

Bonus: Even if you do find out that we're living in The Matrix, you could become a messiah with resemblances to the character that Keanu Reeves played in the film trilogy. He could fly.

"The soul moves in circles," said the ancient Greek philosopher Plotinus. Modern psychologist James Hillman agreed, and added this thought: "Hence our lives are not moving straight ahead; instead, hovering, wavering, returning, renewing, repeating." I bring this to your attention, Capricorn, because you're now in an extra-intense phase of winding and rambling. This is a good thing! You are spiraling back to get another look at interesting teachings you didn't master the first time around. You are building on past efforts that weren't strong enough. Your words of power are crooked, gyrate, curvy, labyrinthine, and corkscrew.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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While loitering on a sidewalk outside a nightclub in San Francisco on a September night in 1994, I found the cover of a booklet lying in the gutter. Written by Marilena Silbey and Paul Ramana Das, it was called "How to Survive Passionate Intimacy with a Dreamy Partner While Making a Fortune on the Path to Enlightenment." Sadly, the rest of the text was missing. Ever since, hungry for its wisdom, I've tried to hunt down a copy of the whole thing, but to no avail.

I'm hoping that maybe you will consider writing your own version of the subject. If you do, please send it to me.

It's no coincidence that your libido and your mojo are booming at the same time. Your libido is in the midst of a deep, hearty awakening, which is generating a surplus of potent, super-fine mojo. And your surplus of potent, super-fine mojo is in turn inciting your libido's even deeper, heartier awakening. There may be times in the coming week when you feel like you are living with a wild animal. As long as you keep the creature well-fed and well-stroked, it should provide you with lots of vigorous, even boisterous fun.

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What fresh blessings will life bring you? What questions should you be asking? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"Picture the Grand Canyon," says Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield. "Every hundred years, a child comes by and throws a mustard seed into it. In the time it takes to fill the hole in the earth with mustard seeds, one maha­kal­pa will have passed. To perfect the virtuous heart -- the joy of integrity -- takes a thousand mahakalpas."

If that's true, then you've still got a lot of work to do. The good news is that civilization is in the midst of a critical turning point that could tremendously expedite your ripening. So you could make unusually great progress toward the goal of perfecting the virtuous heart in the next 40 years.

For best results, meditate often on the phrase "the joy of integrity." Get familiar with the pleasurable emotion that comes from acting with impeccability. And try out this idea from Gandhi: Integrity is the royal road to your inner freedom.

P.S. Oddly enough, the work of perfecting the virtuous heart is very effective in helping you master the art of cultivating everyday ecstasy. Meditate on the connection.

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early," quipped 19th-century English author Charles Lamb. I invite you to adopt that breezy, lazy attitude in the coming weeks. It's high time for you to slip into a very comfortable, laidback mood . . . to give yourself a lot of slack, explore the mysteries of dreamy indolence, and quiet down the chirpy voices in your head. Even if you can't literally call in sick to your job and spend a few days wandering free, do everything you can to claim as much low-pressure, unhurried spaciousness as possible.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Alice finds her way to Wonderland by falling down a rabbit hole. Dorothy rides to Oz on a tornado. In C. S. Lewis's >i>The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Lucy stumbles into the magical land of Narnia via a portal in the back of a large clothes cabinet.

In the sequels to all these adventures, however, the heroines must find different ways to access their exotic dreamlands. Alice slips through a mirror next time. Dorothy uses a Magic Belt. Lucy leaps into a painting of a schooner that becomes real.

Take heed of these precedents. The next time a threshold opens into an alternative reality you've enjoyed in the past, it may not resemble the doorways you've used before.