Free Will Astrology


Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of December 25th, 2014

♈ ARIES

(March 21-April 19)
"Hell is the suffering of being unable to love," wrote novelist Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Using that definition, I'm happy to announce that you have a good chance of avoiding hell altogether in 2015. If there has been any deficiency in your power to express and bestow love, I think you will correct it. If you have been so intent on getting love that you have been neglectful in giving love, you will switch your focus. I invite you to keep a copy of this horoscope in your wallet for the next 12 months. Regard it as your "Get Out of Hell Free" card.

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This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2015. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 30, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Have you ever had permission to indulge in a marathon of braggadocio? Have you ever gotten an invitation to bluster on endlessly about your own charms without feeling even a touch of guilt or inhibition? I hereby grant you such a license right now.

When you're ready, carry out the exercise called Brag Therapy. Grab a good listener or a recording device, and boast extravagantly about yourself for at least 20 minutes. Expound in exhaustive detail why you're so wonderful and why the world would be a better place if everyone would just act more like you.

Don't be humble or cautious. Go too far. Heap extreme glory on yourself. Brazenly proclaim the fabulous qualities about you that no one has ever fully articulated or appreciated. Don't forget to extol the prodigious flaws and vices that make you so special.

What does this have to do with pronoia? When you audaciously identify your existing gifts, you set yourself up to become a magnet for even greater abundance. In fact, we recommend that you treat yourself to a Brag Therapy session regularly.

To whet your imagination, read an excerpt from the boast of Eric Baer, a participant in a Brag Therapy session I hosted in Milwaukee. "I have opposable thumbs," Eric exulted. "I can read. I breathe all the way through the night even though I'm asleep. I have access to emporiums where I can choose from 25 different brands of toilet paper. I know how to turn food into energy. I live where knuckleheads run everything and yet nothing ever blows up."

♉ TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)
Beetles are abundant and ubiquitous. Scientists have identified more than 350,000 species, and they are always discovering new ones. In 2011, for example, they conferred official recognition on 3,485 additional types of beetles. I'm seeing a parallel development in your life, Taurus. A common phenomenon that you take for granted harbors mysteries that are worth exploring. Something you regard as quite familiar actually contains interesting features you don't know about. In 2015, I hope you will open your mind to the novelties and exotica that are hidden in plain sight.

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This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2015. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 30, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Don't make nasty comments about yourself behind your own back.

Do play soccer in bunny slippers at dawn in a supermarket parking lot with a gang of sadomasochistic stockbrokers who've promised to teach you the Balinese monkey chant.

Don't decorate your thigh with a sloppy tattoo of the devil pushing a lawn mower.

Do wear a t-shirt that says, "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

Don't glide into a bar, scout around for the person whose face has the most pain etched in it, and ask that person to come home with you.

Do eat ripe organic strawberries that have been genetically modified and irradiated, and do chain-smoke Marlboros as you peddle your exercise bicycle, and do wander through a garbage dump while listening to Mozart on your iPod.

Don't get hooked on the fantasy that there are only two kinds of people, those who align themselves with the forces of light and those who align themselves with the forces of darkness.

Do start an organization called POMP (Proud Owners of Multiple Personalities), dedicated to erasing negative stereotypes about healthy non-schizophrenics who enjoy being a community of many different selves.

Don't lie on a floor surrounded by wine-stained poetry books, crumpled Matisse prints, abandoned underwear, and half-eaten bowls of corn flakes as you stare up at the ceiling with a mad gaze, muttering gibberish and waving your hands as if swatting away demons.

Do run along the tops of cars during a traffic jam, escaping from bad guys as you make your way to a helicopter that takes you to a spot hovering over an erupting volcano, into which you drop the Buns of Steel video.

Don't put your soul up for auction on eBay.

Do write a cookbook filled with recipes you've channeled from dead celebrities.

If you come upon a lamp with a genie in it, don't wish you had a magic wand.

♊ GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)
Auguste Escoffier (1846-1935) was an influential French chef who defined and standardized the five "mother sauces." But he wasn't content to be a star in his own country. At the age of 44, he began his "conquest of London," bringing his spectacular dining experience to British restaurants. He thought it might be hard to sell his new clientele on frogs' legs, a traditional French dish, so he resorted to trickery. On the menu, he listed it as "Nymphs of the Dawn." According to my reading of the omens, this is an example of the hocus-pocus that will be your specialty in 2015. And I suspect you will get away with it every time as long as your intention is not selfish or manipulative, but rather generous and constructive.

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This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2015. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 30, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Every fundamentalist divides the world into two camps, those who agree with him and like him and help him, and those who don't. There is only one right way to interpret the world -- according to the ideas the fundamentalist believes to be true -- and a million wrong ways.

The fundamental attitude of all fundamentalists is to take everything way too seriously and too personally and too literally. Imagination is a sin and a crime. Correct belief is the only virtue. Every fundamentalist is committed to waging war against the imagination unless the imagination is enslaved to his or her belief system.

And here's the bad news: Like almost everyone in the world, each of us has our own share of the fundamentalist virus. It may not be as dangerous to the collective welfare as, say, the fundamentalism of Islamic terrorists or Christian politicians or CEOs who act as if making a financial profit is the supreme good or scientists who deny the existence of the 96 percent of reality imperceptible to the five senses. Our fundamentalism is not as virulent as theirs.

But still: We are infected, you and I, with fundamentalism. What are we going to do about it?

I say we practice taking everything less seriously and less personally and less literally.

♋ CANCERIAN

(June 21-July 22)
The entomologist Charles P. Alexander (1889-1981) devoted much of his professional life to analyzing the insect known as the crane fly. He identified over 11,000 different species, drew 15,000 illustrations of the creatures, and referred to his lab as "Crane Fly Haven." That's the kind of single-minded intention I'd love to see you adopt during the first six months of 2015, Cancerian. What I'm imagining is that you will choose a specific, well-defined area within which you will gleefully explore and experiment and improvise. Is there a subject or task or project you would have fun pursuing with that kind of intensity?

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This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2015. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 30, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Receptivity is not a passive state. Nor is it a blank, empty waiting around for whatever happens to come along. In urging you to cultivate receptivity, I don't mean you should become a lazy do-nothing bereft of goals, reacting blindly to whatever life throws in front of you. Receptivity is a robust readiness to be surprised and moved; a vigorous intention to be awake to everything you can't control. When you're receptive in the pronoiac style, you have strong ideas and a powerful will and an eagerness to disseminate your unique blessings, but you're also animated by the humble certainty that you have a lot to learn.

♌ LEO

(July 23-August 22)
In Don DeLillo's novel Underworld, Cotter Martin is a young boy living in New York in the 1950s. The following description is about him. "In school they tell him sometimes to stop looking out the window. This teacher or that teacher. The answer is not out there, they tell him. And he always wants to say that's exactly where the answer is." I propose we regard this passage as one of your themes in 2015, Leo. In other words, be skeptical of any authority who tells you where you should or should not be searching for the answers. Follow your own natural inclination, even if at first it seems to be nothing more than looking out the window.

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This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2015. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 30, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Where exactly does happiness come from? That's the riddle posed by David Meyers and Ed Diener in their article, "The Science of Happiness," published in The Futurist magazine. I invite you to write your own answers to their question. Map out the foundations of your own science of happiness. Get serious about defining what makes you feel good. What specific experiences arouse your deepest gratification? Physical pleasure? Seeking the truth? Being a good person? Contemplating the meaning of life? Enjoying the fruits of your accomplishments? Purging pent-up emotion?

♍ VIRGO

(August 23-September 22)
"It is always important to know when something has reached its end," writes Paulo Coelho in his book The Zahir. Use this advice heroically in 2015, Virgo. Wield it to clear away anything that no longer serves you, that weighs you down or holds you back. Prepare the way for the new story that will begin for you around your next birthday. "Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters," Coelho says, "it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over."

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This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2015. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 30, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Whatever you choose to focus your attention on, you will get more of it. If you often think of everything you lack and how sad you are that you don't have it, you will tend to receive prolific evidence of how true that is. As you obsess on all the ways your life is different from what you wish it would be, you will become an expert in rousing feelings of frustration and you will attract experiences that assist you in rousing frustration.

If, on the other hand, you dwell on the good things you have already had the privilege to experience, you will expand your appreciation for their blessings, which in turn will amplify their beneficent impact on your life. You will also magnetize yourself to receive further good things, making it more likely that they will be attracted into your sphere. At the very least, you will get in the habit of enjoying yourself no matter what the outward circumstances are.

♎ LIBRA

(September 23-October 22)
"On some nights I still believe," said rascal journalist Hunter S. Thompson, "that a car with the gas needle on empty can run about fifty more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio." In 2015, I invite you to adopt some of that push-it-to-the-edge attitude for your personal use, Libra. Maybe not full-time; maybe not with the same manic intensity that Thompson did. Rather, simply tap into it as needed -- whenever you've got to up your game or raise your intensity level or rouse the extra energy you need TO ACHIEVE TOTAL, WONDROUS, RESOUNDING VICTORY!!! The coming months will be your time to go all the way, hold nothing back, and quest for the best and the most and the highest.

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This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2015. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 30, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Evil is boring. The universe is friendly. Life is on your side. Joy is your birthright.
Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair is lazy. In fact, all of creation wants you to succeed.
Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Retrain your senses and intellect so you're able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.

♏ SCORPIO

(October 23-November 21)
Twenty miles long, the Onyx River is the longest body of moving water on the continent of Antarctica. Most of the year it's ice, though. It actually flows for just two or three months during the summer. Let's hope that continues to be the case for the foreseeable future. It would be a shame if global warming got so extreme that the Onyx melted permanently. But now let's talk about your own metaphorical equivalent of the Onyx: a potentially flowing part of your life that is often frozen. I'd love to see it heat up and thaw. I'd love it to be streaming and surging most of the time. And in 2015, I think that's a distinct possibility. Consider making the following declaration your battle cry: I am the Flow Master!

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This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2015. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 30, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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George prayed every day for three years to win the lottery, but never heard from God or hit the jackpot.
Finally, God woke him up in the middle of the night. "George, is that you who's been praying so hard to win the lottery?" the Supreme Being boomed.
"Yes, Lord, desperately!"
God paused for a moment, then said thoughtfully, "George, I'll tell you what. I want you to meet me halfway. Buy a ticket, OK?"

♐ SAGITTARIUS

(November 22-December 21)
"The best way to keep a prisoner from escaping is to make sure he never knows he's in prison." That quote is attributed to both Russian author Fyodor Dostoevsky and Russian author Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. Regardless of who said it, I urge you to keep it in mind throughout 2015. Like all of us, you are trapped in an invisible prison: a set of beliefs or conditioned responses or bad habits that limit your freedom to act. That's the bad news. The good news is that in the coming months, you are poised to discover the exact nature of your invisible prison, and then escape it.

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This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2015. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 30, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Is it really healthy to have a shrill, 25-words-or-less opinion about everything, as radio and TV talk shows seem to imply? Would anyone mind if now and then you served as a compassionate witness about the hot-button issues? Is it conceivable that you could simply sit on the fence in the midst of the wars of words and beam articulate sympathy at both sides?

Yes, you can. You have the rebellious resourcefulness to be a freedom fighter without hating anyone. Go out and prove it.

♑ CAPRICORN

(December 22-January 19)
When he was 37 years old, actor Jack Nicholson found out that Ethel May, the woman he had always called his mother, was in fact his grandma. Furthermore, his "older sister" June was actually his mom, who had given birth to him when she was 17. His relatives had hidden the truth from him. I suspect that in 2015 you will uncover secrets and missing information that will rival Nicholson's experience. Although these revelations may initially be confusing or disruptive, in the long run they will heal and liberate you. Welcome them!

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This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2015. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 30, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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If you're typical, your natural curiosity was virtually extinguished at an early age by mediocre teachers, boring lessons, and oppressive classrooms. Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if your imagination hadn't been squelched? What interesting adventures might you have sought out if your natural love of learning hadn't been crushed?

Let's launch a quest to undo the damage. Imagine I've handed you an undiploma: your official release from the soul-death of your formal education; the beginning of the healing of your wounded love of learning. What's the first thing you'll do to invoke a steady stream of inspired teachers and invigorating lessons?

♒ AQUARIUS

(January 20- February 18)
"Meupareunia" is an English word that refers to a sexual adventure in which only one of the participants has a good time. I'll be bold and predict that you will not experience a single instance of meupareunia in 2015. That's because I expect you'll be steadily upgrading your levels of empathy and your capacity for receptivity. You will be getting better and better at listening to your intimate allies and reading their emotional signals. I predict that synergy and symbiosis will be your specialties. Both your desire to please and your skill at giving pleasure will increase, as will your understanding of how many benefits you can reap by being a responsive partner.

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This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2015. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 30, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"Is it bad to live without a hell?" poet Pablo Neruda asks in The Book of Questions. Let's add these queries to his: Is it dangerous to live without an enemy? Is it naive to think you can achieve great success without the driving motivation that comes from having ideas you hate? There are thousands of correct answers to these questions. What are yours?

Consider the issue from another angle. Dentists love tooth decay. Treating cavities provides them with a steady source of income. Likewise, exterminators are dependent on termites, lawyers need crimes, and priests are hungry for sinners. Lots of people have symbiotic connections with nasty stuff. In fact, isn't it true that most of us nurture our feelings for the things we love to despise and fear?

What's your favorite poison or adversary? Assume that your exposure to pronoia is changing you in ways that will require you to update your relationship with it. Speculate on how you'll go about this task.

♓ PISCES

(February 19-March 20)
"Be good and you will be lonesome," said Mark Twain. Do you agree? I don't -- at least as it applies to your life in 2015. According to my understanding of the long-term astrological omens, you will attract an abundance of love and luck by being good -- by expressing generosity, deepening your compassion, cultivating integrity, and working for justice and truth and beauty. That doesn't mean you should be a pushover or doormat. Your resolve to be good must be leavened by a determination to deepen your self-respect. Your eagerness to do the right thing has to include a commitment to raising your levels of self-care.

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This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2015. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 30, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The factor most likely to drive us to addiction or illness is a lack of intimate contact with spirit. We all need a daily dose of vastness. Paradoxically, many of us would also benefit from more microscopic vision. Because we're so deprived of divine connection, we're half-dreaming all the time; our unconscious pining for the eternal source distracts us from the vivid little glories that are splayed out around us. And so we miss the Divine Wow from both directions.

Try this: Prime your connection with spirit by focusing your attention on tones and shapes you usually miss: reflections in windows, the sky between the oak tree's branches, the shadows on the water, the two different emotions in a friend's eyes and mouth.

© Rob Brezsny 1995-2019