Free Will Astrology


Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of December 11th, 2014

♈ ARIES

(March 21-April 19)
Lord Byron (1788-1824) was an English poet who loved animals. In the course of his life, he not only had dogs and cats as pets, but also monkeys, horses, peacocks, geese, a crocodile, a falcon, a crane, and a parrot. When he enrolled in Trinity College at age 17, he was upset that the school's rules forbade students from having pet dogs, which meant he couldn't bring his adored Newfoundland dog Boatswain. There was no regulation, however, against having a tame bear as a pet. So Byron got one and named it Bruin. I think it's time for you to find a workaround like that, Aries. Be cunning. Try a gambit or two. Find a loophole.

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How much do you want to know about your life? How far do you dare to go in your quest for self-mastery? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs. Think of the last place on Earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there. Say these words and see how they feel: "Ever since I learned to see three sides to every story, I'm finding much better stories."

♉ TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)
Whenever I lost one of my baby teeth as a kid, I put it under my pillow before I went to sleep. During the night, the Tooth Fairy sneaked into my room to snatch the tooth, and in its place left me 25 cents. The same crazy thing happened to every kid I knew, although for unknown reasons my friend John always got five dollars for each of his teeth -- far more than the rest of us. I see a metaphorically comparable development in your life, Taurus. It probably won't involve teeth or a visit from the Tooth Fairy. Rather, you will finally be compensated for a loss or deprivation or disappearance that you experienced in the past. I expect the restitution will be generous, too -- more like John's than mine.

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Would you like to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Do you want to uncover the secrets you've been hiding even from yourself? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues. Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems. Change your name every day for a thousand days.

♊ GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)
Through the scientific magic of grafting, a single tree can be altered to grow several different kinds of fruit at the same time. One type of "fruit salad tree" produces apricots, nectarines, plums, and peaches, while another bears grapefruits, lemons, oranges, limes, and tangelos. I'm thinking this might be an apt and inspiring symbol for you in the coming months, Gemini. What multiple blooms will you create on your own metaphorical version of a fruit salad tree?

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Do you wish you could get more clarity about the foggy, ambiguous situations you're dealing with? Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose," wrote Ralph Waldo Emerson. "Take which you please; you can never have both." Give an example from your own life that refutes or proves Emerson's assertion.

♋ CANCERIAN

(June 21-July 22)
No other structure on the planet is longer than the Great Wall of China, which stretches 3,945 miles. It's not actually one unbroken span, though. Some sections aren't connected, and there are redundant branches that are roughly parallel to the main structure. It reminds me of your own personal Great Wall, which is monumental yet permeable, strong in some ways but weak in others, daunting to the casual observer but less so to those who take the time to study it. Now is an excellent time to take inventory of that wall of yours. Is it serving you well? Is it keeping out the influences you don't want but allowing in the influences you do want? Could it use some renovation? Are you willing to reimagine what its purpose is and how you want it to work for you in the future?

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Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Would you like help in solving the riddles that confuse you? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Brag about what you can't do and don't have. Bow down to the greatest mystery you know. Scare yourself with how beautiful you are.

♌ LEO

(July 23-August 22)
The Arctic Monkeys are British rockers who have produced five studio albums, which together have sold almost five million copies. Rolling Stone magazine called their first album, released in 2006, the 30th greatest debut of all time. Yet when they first formed in 2002, none of them could play a musical instrument. I see the current era of your life, Leo, as having a similar potential. How might you start from scratch to create something great?

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Need more help in figuring out the questions life is asking you? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Pretend your wounds are exotic tattoos. Sip the tears of someone you love. Rebel against your horoscope. Play games with no rules. Mock your fears.

♍ VIRGO

(August 23-September 22)
Alan Turing (1912-1954) was a British mathematician and pioneering computer scientist. After World War II broke out, he got worried that the German army might invade and occupy England, as it had done to France. To protect his financial assets, he converted everything he owned into bars of silver, then buried them underground in the countryside north of London. When the war ended, he decided it was safe to dig up his fortune. Unfortunately, he couldn't recall where he had put it, and never did find it. Let's draw a lesson from his experience, Virgo. It's fine if you want to stash a treasure or protect a secret or safeguard a resource. That's probably a sensible thing to do right now. But make sure you remember every detail about why and how you're doing it.

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What fresh blessings will life bring you? What questions should you be asking? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Teach an animal to dance. Hire a puppet troupe to reenact your life story using marionettes in Renaissance costumes. Make believe you are the ocean king or thunder queen.

♎ LIBRA

(September 23-October 22)
Even if you are not formally enrolled in a course of study or a training program, you are nevertheless being schooled. Maybe you're not fully conscious of what you have been learning. Maybe your teachers are disguised or unwitting. But I assure you that the universe has been dropping some intense new knowledge on you. The coming week will be an excellent time to become more conscious of the lessons you have been absorbing. If you have intuitions about where this educational drama should go next, be proactive about making that happen.

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Want to explore this chapter of your life story even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Improvise a fresh bedtime story for someone you love. Put on an inflatable sumo wrestler costume and play a bagpipe as badly as possible. Watch TV with your third eye.

♏ SCORPIO

(October 23-November 21)
You now have a special ability to detect transformations that are happening below the threshold of everyone else's awareness. Anything that has been hidden or unknown will reveal itself to your gentle probes. You will also be skilled at communicating your discoveries to people who are important to you. Take full advantage of these superpowers. Don't underestimate how pivotal a role you can play as a teacher, guide, and catalyst. The future success of your collaborative efforts depends on your next moves.

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You're got more strength and intelligence than you realize. For help in accessing those untapped inner resources, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Plant roses on a strip-mined hill. Sip holy water blessed by a smart teenage girl. Bear in mind that you are the Chosen One, and so is everyone else.

♐ SAGITTARIUS

(November 22-December 21)
Harper Lee was born and raised in Alabama. At the age of 23, she relocated to New York City with hopes of becoming a writer. It was a struggle. To support herself, she worked as a ticket agent for airline companies. Finding the time to develop her craft was difficult. Seven years went by. Then one Christmas, two friends gave her a remarkable gift: enough money to quit her job and work on her writing for a year. During that grace period, Lee created the basics for a book that won her a Pulitzer Prize: To Kill a Mockingbird. I don't foresee anything quite as dramatic for you in the coming months, Sagittarius. But I do suspect you will receive unexpected help that provides you with the slack and spaciousness you need to lay the foundations for a future creation.

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How are you going to change what needs to be changed and accept what needs to be accepted? To get some support from me, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Thank your mother for the pain she endured while birthing you. For three minutes on the first Friday of every month, close your eyes and imagine yourself riding a wild horse through a cemetery. Fantasize that your so-called "dark side" is sweet and creamy.

♑ CAPRICORN

(December 22-January 19)
In the ancient Greek epic poem the Odyssey, Odysseus's wife Penelope describes two kinds of dreams. "Those that that pass through the gate of ivory," she says, are deceptive. But dreams that "come forth through the gate of polished horn" tell the truth. Another ancient text echoes these ideas. In his poem the Aeneid, Virgil says that "true visions" arrive here from the land of dreams through the gate of horn, whereas "deluding lies" cross over through the gate of ivory. Judging from the current astrological omens, Capricorn, I expect you will have interesting and intense dreams flowing through both the gate of ivory and the gate of horn. Will you be able to tell the difference? Trust love.

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Sometimes it's a challenge to try to figure out what's important and what's not important. If you'd like more of my input, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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When you come home after a day of triumphs, take out the garbage. Dream you're a red-tailed hawk soaring over a shopping mall. Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you.

♒ AQUARIUS

(January 20- February 18)
Your chances of going viral are better than usual. It's a perfect moment to upload a Youtube video of yourself wearing a crown of black roses and a V for Vendetta mask as you ride a unicycle inside a church and sing an uptempo parody version of "O Come All Ye Faithful." It's also a favorable time for you to create a buzz for you and your pet causes through less spectacular measures. Promote yourself imaginatively.

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How well is your imagination working these days? Could it use a boost? A prod? A jolt of inspiration? Try tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Visualize two versions of yourself, one male and one female, holding hands as they gaze into a reflection of the moon on a river. Keep an image of a sphinx with you at all times. Imagine you have a guardian angel who looks like Oprah Winfrey.

♓ PISCES

(February 19-March 20)
At age 80, author Joan Didion has published five novels, ten works of non-fiction, and five screenplays. When she was 27, she wrote, "I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be." That wasn't a good thing, she added: "We are well-advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind's door and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends." I recommend her counsel to you in the coming months, Pisces. Get reacquainted with the old selves you have outgrown and abandoned.

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Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your unfolding destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day. Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.

© Rob Brezsny 1995-2019