The driest place on the planet is the Atacama Desert in northern Chile. It gets about a half-inch of rain per year. And yet in 2011, archaeologists discovered that it's also home to a site containing the fossilized skeletons of numerous whales and other ancient sea creatures. I'm detecting a metaphorically comparable anomaly in your vicinity, Aries. A seemingly arid, empty part of your life harbors buried secrets that are available for you to explore. If you follow the clues, you may discover rich pickings that will inspire you to revise your history.

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What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else? It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE could give you additional help in figuring that out.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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See how far you can spit a mouthful of beer
Pick blackberries naked in the pouring rain
Scare yourself with how beautiful you are
Stage a slow-motion water balloon fight
Pretend your wounds are exotic tattoos
Sing anarchist lullabies to lesbian trees
Plunge butcher knives into accordions
Commit a crime that breaks no laws
Sip the tears of someone you love

Businessman Warren Buffet is worth $65.5 billion, but regularly gives away 27 percent of his fortune to charity. Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates owns $78 billion, and donates 36 percent. Then there are the members of the Walton family, owners of Walmart, where 100 million Americans shop weekly. The Waltons have $136 billion, of which they contribute .04 percent to good causes. You are not wealthy in the same way these people are, Taurus. Your riches consist of resources like your skills, relationships, emotional intelligence, creative power, and capacity for love. My invitation to you is to be extra generous with those assets -- not as lavish as Buffet or Gates, perhaps, but much more than the Waltons. You are in a phase when giving your gifts is one of the best things you can do to bolster your own health, wealth, and well-being.

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Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that may be influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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To create a pearl, an oyster needs an aggravating parasite inside its shell. It builds layers of calcium carbonate around the invader, gradually fabricating the treasure. How long does it take from the initial provocation to the finished product? Five years for a pearl of average size, and as many as 10 years for a big one.

Our questions for you: How many years have you been engaged in the process of transforming your irritant into a masterpiece? How many more years do you think you still have to go?

You have two options. You can be in denial about your real feelings and ignore what needs to be fixed and wait for trouble to come find you. Or else you can vow to be resilient and summon your feistiest curiosity and go out searching for trouble. The difference between these two approaches is dramatic. If you mope and sigh and hide, the messy trouble that arrives will be indigestible. But if you are brave and proactive, the interesting trouble you get will ultimately evolve into a blessing.

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To further explore the ripening blessings and interesting challenges in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Ariel was going through a hard time. She'd been weaning herself from a painkiller she'd taken while recovering from surgery. Her cat ran away, and there was a misunderstanding at work. One night while at a nightclub with her friend Leila, she spied her ex-boyfriend kissing some woman. Meltdown ensued. Ariel fled the club and ran sobbing into the street, where she hurled her shoes on top of a passing bus.

Leila retrieved her and sat her down on a bench. "Because up until now you've displayed such exemplary grace in the face of chaos," Leila said, "I'm giving you a free Crazy Pass. It gives you a karma-free license to temporarily lose your mind." This compassionate humor helped Ariel feel more composed. The rest of the night she partied with elegant savagery, achieving major relief and release without hurting ­herself.

Now I'm awarding you, too, a free Crazy Pass. How will you use it?

Astronauts on the International Space Station never wash their underwear. They don't have enough water at their disposal to waste on a luxury like that. Instead, they fling the dirty laundry out into space. As it falls to Earth, it burns up in the atmosphere. I wish you had an amenity like that right now. In fact, I wish you had a host of amenities like that. If there was ever a time when you should be liberated from having to wash your underwear, make your bed, sweep the floor, and do the dishes, it would be now. Why? Because there are much better ways to spend your time. You've got sacred quests to embark on, heroic adventures to accomplish, historical turning points to initiate.

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Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Think about your relationship to human beings who haven't been born yet. What might you create for them to use? How can you make your life a gift to the future? Can you not only help preserve the wonders we live amidst, but actually enhance them? Keep in mind this thought from Lewis Carroll: "It's a poor sort of memory that only works backward."

What are those new whisperings in your head? Are they messages from your inner teacher? Beacons beamed back through time from the Future You? Clues from the wise parts of your unconscious mind? Whatever they are, Leo, pay attention. These signals from the Great Beyond may not be clear yet, but if you are sufficiently patient, they will eventually tell you how to take advantage of a big plot twist. But here's a caveat: Don't automatically believe every single thing the whisperings tell you. Their counsel may not be 100-percent accurate. Be both receptive and discerning toward them.

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Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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For years, I lived 13 miles from the top of Mt. Tamalpais, one of the highest peaks in the San Francisco Bay Area. Every day I gazed at it from afar through my window or while riding my bike in the hills, marveling as it glided through its ever-shifting relationship with the sky and seasons. It was a remote yet familiar beacon, an awe-inspiring touchstone against which I could measure my own undulating rhythms.

Eventually I moved to a new home at the foot of Mt. Tam. I felt as if I'd become part of it -- was embedded in its protective and majestic aura. It was no longer an objective gauge, but rather an intimate tone and texture in my subjective experience of myself.

Risk a comparable shift, from being there to being here; from outside to inside; from strength absorbed at a distance to power felt up close.

In the English-speaking world, a sundae is a luxurious dessert that features ice cream topped with sweet treats like syrup, sprinkles, and fruits. In Korea, a sundae is something very different. It consists of a cow's or pig's intestines crammed with noodles, barley, and pig's blood. I expect that in the coming week you will be faced with a decision that has metaphorical similarities to the choice between a sundae and a sundae. Make sure you are quite clear about the true nature of each option.

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Would you like to hear me say some more about your ever-evolving destiny? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Notice how you feel as you speak the following: "The strong, independent part of me resisted the embarrassing truth for a long time, but I finally came to accept that I'm someone who craves vast amounts of love. Ever since I surrendered to this need, it doesn't nag me all the time, as it used to. In fact, it feels comforting, like a source of sweetness that doesn't go away. I never thought I'd say this, but I've come to treasure the feeling of having a voracious yearning to be loved."

The average serving of pasta on a typical American's plate is almost 480 percent bigger than what's recommended as a healthy portion. So says a research paper titled "The Contribution of Expanding Portion Sizes to the U.S. Obesity Epidemic," by Lisa R. Young and Marion Nestle. Muffins are 333 percent larger than they need to be, the authors say, and steaks are 224 percent excessive. Don't get caught up in this trend, Libra. Get what you need, but not way, way more than what you need. For that matter, be judicious in your approach to all of life's necessities. The coming phase is a time when you will thrive by applying the Goldilocks principle: neither too much nor too little, but just right.

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Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that are fueling your amazing story? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Devote yourself to your heart's desire with unflagging shrewdness. Make it your top priority. Let no lesser wishes distract you. But consider this, too. You may sabotage even your worthiest yearning if you're maniacal in your pursuit of it.

Bear in mind the attitude described by Clarissa Pinkola Estes in her book Women Who Run with the Wolves: "All that you are seeking is also seeking you. If you sit still, it will find you. It has been waiting for you a long time."

Speculate on what exactly that would look like in your own life. Describe how your heart's desire has been waiting for you, seeking you.

"Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble," declares Scorpio author Fran Lebowitz, "as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat." I don't wholeheartedly endorse that advice for you in the coming days, Scorpio. But would you consider a milder version of it? Let's propose, instead, that you simply seek easy victories to boost your confidence and hone your skills. By this time next week, if all goes well, you will be ready to take on more ambitious challenges.

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No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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For over two decades, Peter Jouvenal worked as a journalist and cameraman who filmed war-torn hot spots, including Iraq in the Gulf War and Afghanistan during the Soviet invasion. He eventually retired from that gig and bought a restaurant in Kabul. He has few regrets, but one came after the fall of the Taliban in 2001.

While exploring the organization's deserted safe houses, he happened upon a place where Osama bin Laden and his wife had recently lived. Among the items the couple left behind was one of her bras. In retrospect Jouvenal realized he should have pocketed the exotic piece of lingerie; a tabloid newspaper would have paid him a fortune for it. But because he had spent his entire career dealing with more mainstream news media that sought more respectable evidence, the idea didn't even occur to him until much later.

Was there ever a time when you were in such a deep trance, enthralled by your habits and belief system, that you failed to notice a valuable anomaly that popped up? How can you train yourself to be so alert that such a blunder won't happen again?

You are entering a phase when you will have more luck than usual as you try to banish parasitic influences, unworthy burdens, and lost causes. Here are some projects you might want to work on: 1. Bid farewell to anyone who brings out the worst in you. 2. Heal the twisted effect an adversary has had on you. 3. Get rid of any object that symbolizes failure or pathology. 4. Declare your independence from a situation that wastes your time or drains your resources. 5. Shed any guilt you feel for taking good care of yourself. 6. Stop a bad habit cold turkey.

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Wouldn't you love to learn more about who you really are? What better adventure is there than learning about your soul's code? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Imagine that you have been relieved of your responsibilities for a given time. They will be taken care of by people you trust. You won't have to work to make money during this grace period, but will be given all you need. Nor will you have to clean your house, wash your clothes, or buy and make your food. Now here's the big question: What will you do now that you are free to do anything you like?

Are you ready to be as affable as a Sagittarius, as charismatic as a Leo, as empathetic as a Cancerian, and as vigorous an instigator as an Aries? No? You're not? You're afraid that would require you to push yourself too far outside your comfort zone? OK, then. Are you willing to be half as affable as a Sagittarius, half as charismatic as a Leo, half as empathetic as a Cancerian, and half as inspiring an instigator as an Aries? Or even a quarter as much? I hope you will at least stretch yourself in these directions, Capricorn, because doing so would allow you to take maximum advantage of the spectacular social opportunities that will be available for you in the next four weeks.

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I hope the oracle above provides you with the inspiration you need to do what you've got to do and change what needs to be changed. But if you need more clues, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, where I go further in exploring your mysteries.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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According to Jewish legend, there are in each generation 36 righteous humans who prevent the rest of us from being destroyed. Through their extraordinary good deeds and their love of the divine spark, they save the world over and over again. They're not famous saints, though. They go about their business anonymously, and no one knows how crucial they are to our well-being.

Might you be one of the 36? As a temporary experiment, act as if you are.

In the coming weeks I hope you will find practical ways to express your new-found freedom. All the explorations and experiments you have enjoyed recently were fun and provocative, but now it's time to use the insights they sparked to upgrade your life back in the daily grind. Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. I love it when you are dreamy and excitable and farseeing, and would never ask you to tone down those attractive qualities. But I am also rooting for you to bring the high-flying parts of you down to earth so that you can reap the full benefits of the bounty they have stirred up. If you work to become more well-grounded, I predict that you will be situated in a new power spot by December 1.

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For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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On the downside, your addiction diverts your energy from a deeper desire that it superficially resembles. For instance, if you're an alcoholic, your urge to get loaded may be an inferior substitute for and a poor imitation of your buried longing to commune with spirit.

On the upside, your addiction is your ally, because it dares you to get strong and smart enough to wrestle free of its grip; it pushes you to summon the uncanny willpower necessary to defeat the darkness within you that saps your ability to follow the path with heart.

(P.S. Don't tell me you have no addictions. Each of us is addicted to some sensation, feeling, thought, or action, if not to an actual substance.)

Extol your sublime, painful addiction -- celebrate it to death. Ride it, spank it, kiss it, whip it.

The heavy metal band known as Hatebeak broadened the definition of what constitutes music. Its lead singer was Waldo, an African grey parrot. A review by Aquarius Records called Waldo's squawks "completely and stupidly brilliant." For Hatebeak's second album, they collaborated with animal rights' activists in the band Caninus, whose lead vocalists were two pitbull terriers, Basil and Budgie. In the coming weeks, Pisces, I'd love to see you get inspired by these experiments. I think you will generate interesting results as you explore expansive, even unprecedented approaches in your own chosen field.

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Would you like further inspiration as you scheme and dream to make the most of life's sometimes puzzling opportunities? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Attention please. This is your ancestors speaking. We've been trying to reach you through your dreams and fantasies, but you haven't responded. That's why we've commandeered this space. So listen up. We'll make it brief. You're at a crossroads analogous to a dilemma that has baffled your biological line for six generations. We ask you now to master the turning point that none of us have ever figured out how to negotiate. Heal yourself and you heal all of us. We mean that literally. Start brainstorming, please.