Situation #1: If you meet resistance or doubt, say this: "Ha! This diversion can't slow me down, because I am in possession of an invisible magical sword!" And then brandish a few charismatic swipes of your sword to prove that you mean business. Situation #2: If angst and worry are preventing your allies from synchronizing their assets with yours, say this: "Begone, dread! For with the power of my wicked crazy songs, I am the destroyer of fear." And then sing your wicked crazy songs. Situation #3: If you're finding it hard to discern the difference between useless, ugly monsters and useful, beautiful monsters, say this: "I am a useful, beautiful monster!" Your kind will flock to your side.

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Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Would you like help in solving the riddles that confuse you? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Pathologist Paul Wolf has suggested that some of history's great artists may have never created their masterpieces if the wonders of modern medicine had been available to them. For example, what if doctors had cured van Gogh's mental illness with a regimen of drugs like Prozac and Xanax?

Maybe he would have been spared the torment that goaded him to the outbursts of genius that erupted on his canvases.

Are there ways in which the very things that have driven you crazy might play a role in your finest accomplishments?

In her poem "Advice to Myself," Louise Erdrich speaks of the human heart as "that place you don't even think of cleaning out. That closet stuffed with savage mementos." I invite you to use her observations as a prod, Taurus. Now is an excellent time to purge the savage mementos from your heart, and clean the whole place up as best as you can. You don't have to get all OCD about it. There's no need to scour and scrub until everything's spotless. Even a half-hearted effort will set in motion promising transformations in your love life.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"Nothing's going right in my life. I feel anxious and paranoid all the time. My relationships are a mess." In my line of work, people make confessions like that to me. My first response is usually something like this: "Do you habitually gobble junk food near bedtime, steal a paltry five hours of sleep per night, gulp two cups of coffee and no breakfast in the morning, then bolt to a workplace where you get no sunlight or exercise and sit in an uncomfortable chair?" They often reply, "You must be psychic! How did you know?!" My point is that many psychological troubles stem from our chronic failure to take good care

Name three things you can do to promote pronoia in yourself by taking better care of your body.

I hope you will learn more in the next eight months than you have ever before learned in a comparable period. I hope you will make a list of all the subjects you would love to study and all the skills you would love to master, and then devise a plan to gather the educational experiences with which you will reinvent yourself. I hope you will turn your curiosity on full-blast and go in quest of revelations and insights and epiphanies, smashing through the limits of your understanding as you explore the frontiers of sweet knowledge.

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What fresh blessings will life bring you? What questions should you be asking? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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This perfect moment is brought to you by the mummified middle finger of Galileo's right hand, which is on display at the Museo di Storia del Scienza in Florence, Italy. May it inspire you to flip the metaphorical bird at anyone who proudly embodies the kind of high-level idiocy Galileo had to endure.

Three times a week, I take a hike along a rough path through an oak forest. I say it's rough because it's strewn with loose rocks. If I don't survey the ground as I move, I'm constantly turning my ankles. Or at least that was the case until last week. For two days, with the help of a rake, I cleared many of those bothersome obstacles off the trail. It took several hours, but now the way is smoother. My eyes are free to enjoy the sights that aren't so close to the ground. I recommend that you do similar work. Stop tolerating inconveniences and irritations that hobble you. Get your foundations in shape to serve you better.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Change yourself in the way you want everyone else to change
Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be jerks
Avoid thinking about winning the lottery while making love
Brainwash yourself before someone nasty beats you to it
Confess big secrets to people who aren't very interested
Write a love letter to your evil twin during a lunar eclipse
Fool the tricky red beasts guarding the Wheels of Time
Locate the master codex and add erudite graffiti to it
Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems
Change your name every day for a thousand days
Kill the apocalypse and annihilate Armageddon
Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues
Brag about what you can't do and don't have
Get a vanity license plate that reads KZMYAZ
Bow down to the greatest mystery you know
Make fun of people who make fun of people

American author Edgar Allan Poe (1809-1849) was ahead of his time. He created the genre of the detective story and mastered the art of Gothic horror tales. According to the Internet Movie Database, 240 films have referenced themes from his work. British writer Aldous Huxley wasn't a fan of Poe, though. He said Poe was "too poetical -- the equivalent of wearing a diamond ring on every finger." Judging from the astrological omens, I suspect you may be at risk to lapse into a diamond-ring-on-every-finger phase yourself, Leo. While I am all in favor of you unveiling more of your radiant beauty, I'm hoping you won't go too far. How about wearing diamond rings on just four of your fingers?

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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I'm smarter in some places than in others. In Florence, Amsterdam, and Milwaukee, my IQ is off the charts. In Munich, Madrid, and Washington, D.C., I'm rather dull-witted. Even in Northern California, where I usually live, some spots are more conducive to my higher brain functioning. I'm an idiot on Market Street in San Francisco, whereas I'm awash in wise insights whenever I set foot on Mt. Tamalpais.

What's this about? The specialized branch of astrology called astrocartography would say that the full potentials of my horoscope are more likely to emerge in certain power spots. What about you? Wander around and test to see where you feel most in tune with your deep brilliance.

Republican Jody Hice is running for the U.S. House of Representatives in Georgia's 10th Congressional District. To bolster his authority, he repeats quotes by revered figures from American history. One of his favorites has been a gem from the sixth U.S. President, John Quincy Adams: "If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." The only problem is, those words were actually written by country singer Dolly Parton, not by Adams. Don't get fooled by a comparable case of mistaken identity, Virgo. Be on the alert for unwarranted substitutions and problematic switcheroos. Be a staunch fact-checker. Insist on verification.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The force of gravity is omnipresent, even though it can't be seen, heard, or touched, and almost no one can explain it. There ­wasn't even a word for it until the 17th century, when Isaac Newton discovered it and named it after the Latin term gravitas, meaning "heaviness" or "seriousness."

As you deepen your inquiries into pronoia, you may enjoy a similar breakthrough. Can you imagine what it would feel like to become aware of an omnipresent ocean of wild divine love that has always been a secret to you in the same way that the sea is invisible to a fish?

"I am naughtiest of all," wrote poet Emily Dickinson in a playful letter to Maggie Maher, dated October 1882. In accordance with the astrological omens, I authorize you to let that same declaration fly frequently from your own lips in the coming week. Feel free to invoke other variations on the theme of naughtiness, as well: "I am exploring the frontiers of naughtiness," for example, or "You need to be naughtier" (said to a person you'd like to get naughty with), or "Being naughty is my current spiritual practice."

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Sometimes it's a challenge to try to figure out what's important and what's not important. If you'd like more of my input, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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What's true about the word "God" may apply as well to "soul": Much of the meaning has been sucked out of it. It's a flabby ghost that has lost its life force. Say "soul" and you're liable to numb your listeners' attention. At best you may inspire them to picture a vague floating blob that feels more like an abstract concept than a real presence. That's a shame, because the eminence that's lazily referred to as "soul" is as crucial to you waking up tomorrow as your heart.

"If you need to visualize the soul," wrote Tom Robbins, "think of it as a cross between a wolf howl, a photon, and a dribble of dark molasses. But what it really is, as near as I can tell, is a packet of information. It's a program, a piece of hyperspatial software designed explicitly to interface with the Mystery. Not a mystery, mind you, the Mystery. The one that can never be solved."

As part of the Beauty and Truth Lab's ongoing crusade to wrestle the English language into a more formidable servant of the ecstatic impulse, we're pleased to present some alternate designations for "soul." See if any of the following concoctions feel right coming out of your mouth: 1. undulating superconductor; 2. nectar plasma; 3. golden lather; 4. smoldering crucible; 5. luminous caduceus.

If none of these work for you—or even if they do—create your own terms.

P.S. Here's Robbins' conclusion: "By waxing soulful you will have granted yourself the possibility of ecstatic participation in what the ancients considered a divinely animated universe."

"There's a way not to be broken that takes brokenness to find it," writes Naomi Shihab Nye in her poem "Cinco de Mayo." I suspect this describes your situation right now. The bad news is that you are feeling a bit broken. The good news is that this is a special kind of brokenness -- a brokenness that contains a valuable secret you have never been ready to learn before now. Allow yourself to feel the full intensity of the brokenness, and you will discover a way to never be broken like this again.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium. Chemist John Walker invented the match. Physicist Wilhelm Röentgen was the first person to find out about X-rays.

What do these great minds have in common? They all refused to take out patents in connection with their innovations, believing they shouldn't make any profit on something that should belong to everyone.

Try giving away some of your brilliance for free.

In a competitive game show on Japanese TV, 13 people had slabs of meat tied to their foreheads. They then poked their heads up from below, through holes in the floor of an elevated platform, where a hungry lizard was stalking around. But not one of the contestants stuck around when the lizard came to nibble the meat; they all ducked down out of their holes and fled to safety. That was probably wise, although it meant that the prize went unclaimed. Now I'm wondering, Sagittarius, about what might happen if a similar event were staged in your neighborhood. I suspect there's a chance you would will yourself to stand calmly as the lizard feasted on the meat just inches from your eyes. As much as I admire that kind of poised courage, I want you to know that there are better ways to express it. Be on the lookout for noble challenges with goals that are truly worthy of you.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"Don't eat any food that's incapable of rotting," says Michael Pollan in his book In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto. In other words, highly processed foods with a long shelf life don't contribute to your optimum vitality.

I'd like to expand this rule to make it an all-purpose guideline for life. Try out this hypothesis: If you're involved with any person or situation that never decays, or if there is some part of you that never decays, that's highly suspicious and may be a problem. Like growth, rot is a natural phenomenon. Indeed, every advancement requires or brings the disintegration of whatever it replaces. You can't grow if you don't rot. The "perfection" of stasis can be hazardous to your health.

What's ripe to rot in your world?

Director Michael Bay makes big, loud, fast, melodramatic action films, including Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, and the four Transformers movies. The critics hate him, but he's unfazed. "I make movies for teenage boys," he says. "Oh, dear, what a crime," he adds sarcastically. I love that stance. He knows what he's good at, and makes no apologies for doing it. I recommend that you cop some of that attitude right now.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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No matter how holy and good, everyone in the world has a portion of the world's sickness inside them. It's known by many names: neurosis, shadow, demon, devil. Many people try to deny that it inhabits them. Others acknowledge its power so readily that they allow themselves to be overwhelmed and distorted by it.

At the Beauty and Truth Lab, we take a position between those two positions. We accept the fact that the evil is part of us, but treat it with compassionate amusement and flexible vigilance. Our stance is partly that of loving parents and partly that of warriors.

Once you make a commitment to explore the mysteries of pronoia, your shadow will try to play tricks on you that it has never tried before. How will you respond? We recommend an aggressive, tender, improvisational approach. Be ready for anything. Avoid both blithe excesses of tolerance and grave fundamentalism.

While walking in San Francisco, I passed the Pacific Heights Health Club. The sign out front said, "Birthday suits tailored here." It was a witty reference to the idea that working out at a gym helps people get their naked bodies in good shape. I'd like to interpret the sign's message in a different way, and apply it to you. The time is right for you to get back in touch with your raw, original self, and give it the care and the fuel and the treats it has been missing. Who did you start out to be? What does your soul's blueprint say about who you must become? Home in on your source code and boost its signal.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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In the Greek epic The Odyssey, Odysseus and his men become stranded on an island belonging to the sorceress Circe, who uses her magic to transform the men into pigs. Later, though, she changes them back into men -- only they're younger and taller and better-looking than before they were pigs.

What's an analogous story from your own life? You know, an experience in which you were kind of turned into a pig for a while, and became a more robust version of yourself when the spell was broken.

Horror novelist Stephen King has sold more than 350 million books. But when he was young and destitute, still honing his craft, his self-confidence was low. His breakthrough work was Carrie, about a teenage girl who develops telekinetic powers. But when he was first writing that manuscript on his old manual typewriter, he got so discouraged that he threw his first draft in the trashcan. Luckily for him, his wife retrieved it and convinced him to keep plugging away. Eventually he finished, and later sold the paperback rights for $400,000. I hope you have an ally who will go digging in your garbage to fish out the good stuff you unwisely discard. Or maybe this horoscope will convince you not to scrap it in the first place.

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Do you wish you could get more clarity about the foggy, ambiguous situations you're dealing with? Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"We are attracted to people who express the qualities we deny or repress in ourselves," says creativity expert Shakti Gawain. Using this idea as your hypothesis, take an inventory of the people you're most drawn to. Ask yourself whether they have talents and dreams that you wish could come alive in you. If you find this to be the case, consider the possibility that it's time to claim those talents or dreams as your own.