An American named Kevin Shelley accomplished a feat worthy of inclusion in the Guinness Book of World Records. While wearing a blue satin martial arts outfit, he smashed 46 wooden toilet seats over his head in just one minute. Some observers may be inclined to dismiss his efforts as frivolous and ridiculous. But I admire how he playfully mocked his own competitiveness while fully expressing his competitiveness. He satirized his ego's drive to be first and best even as achieved the goal of being first and best. I recommend you try something similar. You're entering a phase when you'll be wise to add a bit of humility to your bold self-presentation.

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Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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If you're a left-winger, you may think right-wingers are stupid or evil or both. If you're a right-winger, you probably hold the same attitudes about left-wingers. A similar pattern prevails between most other groups that hold opposing views. You're a rare person if you've never looked at a certain group of people and thought to yourself, "They are all sick idiots."

But I'm asking you to find out what it's like to dispense with judgments like that. In fact, try living without any scapegoats whatsoever. If even for an hour per week, visualize the possibility that those with whom you disagree might be sincere and well meaning.

I'm not suggesting this exercise merely because it's a nice thing to do. It will also have the effect of giving you access to parts of your own intelligence that have been closed off to you.

You are about to make the transition from plodding to skipping; from moping to exulting. You will no longer be bogged down by cloudy doubt, but will instead be buoyed by giddy hope. To what do we owe this imminent turnaround in your fortunes? One reason is that it's Justifiable Narcissism Week -- for Tauruses only. During this jubilee, the Free Will Astrology Council on Extreme Self-Esteem authorizes you to engage in unabashed self-worship -- and to corral a host of other people who want to join in celebrating you, praising you, and helping you.

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Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Oceans are not exactly teeming with life. In fact, they're mostly barren, and could rightly be called "wet deserts." Likewise, not all your emotions, even those that come in floods, are fertile. Some are automatic reactions that have discharged thousands of times since they were first programmed into you many years ago. They're often negative, and are not organic but mechanical, being inappropriate to the events that seem to stimulate them. They became fixtures when you were a very different person than you are now. Identify these.

An eagle does not catch flies. A lion won't hunt for mice. A gourmet chef shuns recipes that call for canned soup and potato chips. And I trust that you won't indulge a hankering for non-nutritious sweets and treats that would spoil your appetite for more robust sustenance. You understand I'm not just talking about your literal eating habits, right? Interpret this oracle metaphorically, please.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Many of us don't always know what we feel. We may have a vivid sense that we feel something, but we're not sure what it is. That's why musicians, writers, actors, and other creative people play such a crucial role in our emotional lives. Their work can help us articulate the enigmas fermenting within us.

But here's the problem: A majority of the artists who are easiest for us to find aren't exceptionally smart or original; they specialize in expressing hackneyed feelings. Many of the very best creators "remain in relative obscurity because of their resistance to formula efforts," writes journalist Alan Cabal. "Mediocrities latch onto whatever hits and repeat it endlessly in pursuit of cash or celebrity or both." If we look to the latter for illumination, we're cheated.

Your assignments: Get tough with the lazy or wounded part of you that is drawn to the mediocrities. Compile a roster of virtuosos who have developed a high level of proficiency in extracting esthetically exciting meaning from the fascinating chaos around us. Expose yourself exclusively to their work, devotedly avoiding the mediocrities' stuff, for a given period, say 100 days. Describe how this transforms you.

Now is an excellent time to phase out fantasies that bog you down or drag you backward. Are you up for that challenge? Can you summon the courage to leave the mediocre past behind? If so, here are your assignments: Wean yourself of longings to reconstruct bygone pleasures. Forget about trying to be like the person you used to be and to have the keys you used to have. Stop feeding the feelings that keep you affixed to obsolete goals. Break any taboo that makes you scared to change what needs to be changed.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The bumper sticker I saw said, "Having abandoned my search for the truth, I'm now looking for a good fantasy." Though it's meant to be sarcastic, it's a useful piece of advice.

Consider this hypothesis: The truth is so complicated and ever-shifting that it's impossible to pin down. Why try to understand the nature of reality when it's more productive and interesting to aggressively create the nature of reality? Why be preoccupied with conjuring up concepts to approximate the structure of the universe when the point is that we change everything we observe merely by looking at it?

As another bumper sticker says, "Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself."

The artist Amedeo Modigliani lived in Paris from 1906 until his death in 1920. For most of that time, he was destitute. Proprietors of local stores and restaurants sometimes accepted his art work as payment in lieu of actual money. They didn't necessarily appreciate it, though. One food seller used Modigliani's drawings as wraps for the fried potatoes he sold. Another stashed the artist's paintings in his cellar, where they turned into feasts for rodents. Too bad for these short-sighted people and their heirs: The worth of Modigliani's works eventually increased, and some sold for millions of dollars. In the weeks ahead, Leo, don't be like those food sellers. Know the value of what you have, even if it's still latent.

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No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"The reality of love is mutilated when it is removed from all its unreality." So said the French philosopher Gaston Bachelard in his book The Poetics of Reverie.

He meant that realism alone is not enough for human beings to live on, especially in our most intimate relationships. We need fantasy to augment the merely factual perspective. We require poetic truths to keep the rational approach honest.

Without the play of the imagination, in fact, our understanding of the world is impoverished and ­distorted.

(P.S. Nietzsche said: "We have art in order not to perish of truth.")

I've got three new vocabulary words for you. I need them to provide you with the proper oracle. First is the German term Schwellenangst. It refers to timidity or nervousness about crossing a threshold and heading into unknown territory. The second word is a new English term, "strikhedonia." It means the joy that rises up when you feel the courage to say "to hell with it." The third word is from Portuguese: desenrascanço. It means the spontaneous improvisation of haphazard but ultimately effective plans. Now let's put them all together: To conquer your Schwellenangst, you must summon a bolt of strikhedonia and have faith in your ability to carry out desenrascanço. (Thanks to other-wordly.tumblr.com for the new words.)

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Wouldn't you love to learn more about who you really are? What better adventure is there than learning about your soul's code? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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When I lived in Santa Cruz, I had an acquaintance named Barnaby who lived at a remote rural community called Last Chance Farm. Combination shaman, wise elder, and lunatic, he would on rare occasions slip into town and lead me on fact-finding missions he dubbed whirlygigs. "Steep yourself with the intention of attracting lessons you don't know you need," he'd say, and then we'd meander the streets at random, going places I'd never been and striking up conversations with strangers with whom I seemingly had nothing in common. Barnaby described the whirlygig as an urban version of the walkabout, which for Aborigines is a time when they leave work and wander out into the bush to commune with the mysteries of nature.

Carry out your own whirlygig. When you're done, write an essay entitled, "People, Places, and Things I Didn't Know I Loved."

Desire can conquer fear. Love trumps cowardice. The power that your tenderness affords you may not completely dissolve your doubt and worry, but it will quiet them down so much that they will lose their ability to paralyze you. These truths are always good to keep in mind, of course, but they are especially useful to you right now. No obstacle will faze you, no shadow will intimidate you, as long as you feed your holy longing and unshakable compassion.

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I hope the oracle above provides you with the inspiration you need to do what you've got to do and change what needs to be changed. But if you need more clues, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, where I go further in exploring your mysteries.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The factor most likely to drive us to addiction or illness is a lack of intimate contact with spirit. We all need a daily dose of vastness. Paradoxically, many of us would also benefit from more microscopic vision. Because we're so deprived of divine connection, we're half-dreaming all the time; our unconscious pining for the eternal source distracts us from the vivid little glories that are splayed out around us. And so we miss the Divine Wow from both directions.

Try this: Prime your connection with spirit by focusing your attention on tones and shapes you usually miss: reflections in windows, the sky between the oak tree's branches, the shadows on the water, the two different emotions in a friend's eyes and mouth.

On August 2, 1830, Louis Antoine, Duke of Angoulême, was King of France for 20 minutes. (It's a long story.) I offer this to you as a cautionary tale. A few weeks from now, I don't want to have to be comparing you to him. If you hope to hold your new position or continue to wield your added clout for longer than just a little while, you should take all necessary steps. How? Nurture the web of support that will sustain you, for example. Don't burn a single bridge. Cultivate real empathy, not just the showy kind. Avoid manipulative behavior, even if you think you can get away with it. Be a skillful gatherer of information.

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For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The German religious reformer Martin Luther was fond of referring to the faculty of reason as a "damned whore." He believed it gave itself in service to any old theory, often propping up specious arguments rooted in hidden emotional agendas.

Though I regard my ability to reason as a prized asset, I confess to having some of Luther's mistrust. Like most of us, I have corrupted my logical mind by sometimes using it to disguise and rationalize my subjective biases.

Can you imagine having so much self-awareness that you never turn your reasoning ability into a whore? Are you willing to probe with merciless honesty for the unconscious feelings that drive you to believe what you do, and to analyze the ways you mask your subjective biases as "objective fact"? Could you suspend all your preconceptions and greet every situation with a scrupulously open mind? Try to live up to that high standard for a period of three days.

Golda Meir was Prime Minister of Israel from 1969 to 1974. Her admirers described her as "strong-willed, straight-talking, grey-bunned grandmother of the Jewish people." She had a good sense of humor, too. "Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses," she said. "He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil." I bring this up as a teaching story for you, Sagittarius. If you plan to make any big moves, transitions, or journeys in the coming months, I suggest you choose destinations that will allow you to gain access to wealth-building resources.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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To the ancient Chinese, pigs were sacred because they could eat anything and turn it into energy. The creatures were regarded as masters of transmutation. Nothing, not even garbage, was unusable to them. The Chinese aspired to be like pigs in the sense of being able to learn from and derive benefit from every experience, not just the tidy, tasteful ones.

Borrowing this strategy, name two garbage-like experiences that you could turn into fuel for your growing urge to be a pronoiac co-conspirator.

Do you know what phase of your cycle it is? Here are a few hints. It doesn't come around often. It's not characterized by predictable events or boring certainties. And it may allow you, even encourage you, to take a break from being your usual self. Give up? OK. I'll tell you. You have entered the Nicholas Cage Phase of your cycle. Cage is a Capricorn, but not a typical one. He's eccentric and manic and certifiably batty. He refers to his acting technique as "Nouveau Shamanic," once lived in a fake castle, and owns a Lamborghini that belonged to the legendary tyrant, the Shah of Iran. For our current purposes, he has also testified, "I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther. I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion."

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What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else? It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE could give you additional help in figuring that out.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"You may enjoy this movie if you shut down enough brain cells. I turned off all except the ones needed to remember where I parked my car." This observation comes from a critic's evaluation of Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, but I've read similar comments in many reviews of other films and entertainment. Indeed, it's an approach that many intelligent people employ routinely in response to the shiny slop our culture offers up.

What about you? Do you assume you have to make yourself dumber in order to have fun? Has the well-crafted inanity of the world caused you to shut down your sensitivity? Work to reverse this trend. You'll receive help from unexpected sources if you do.

Here's one of my goals in life, Aquarius: to show you a type of astrology that does not infringe on your free will, but rather clarifies your options. In this horoscope, for instance, I will outline your alternatives so that you will be fully informed as you determine what course of action will be most closely aligned with your high ideals. Ponder the following question, and then briskly exert your freedom of choice: Would you prefer to have love make your head spin, knock you off your feet, tickle your X-factor, kick you gently but firmly in the ass, or all of the above?

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Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that may be influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Send out a big "Hey!" and "What's up?" to all the little voices in your head. Start with the still, small voice that's always ready to provide concise responses to the ingenious questions you come up with. But also acknowledge the others as well—even the crabby, reactive naysayer that's forever on the lookout for insults to your dignity, however tiny or unintentional; even the worrywart that wakes you up in the middle of the night to pester you with doubts and fears.

Love all the little voices in your head. Celebrate their vitality, their persistence, their attentiveness. Consider the possibility that you're lucky to have such a zealous group of advisors, even if all but one of them are off the mark a lot of the time.

"God changes caterpillars into butterflies, sand into pearls, and coal into diamonds by using time and pressure," says pastor Rick Warren. "He is working on you, too." Let's make that idea your meditation, Pisces. If the word "God" doesn't suit you, substitute "life," "nature" or "Wakan Tanka," the Lakotan term for "The Great Mystery." The essential point is that you are being worked on and shaped by forces beyond your conscious awareness. Some of them are vast and impersonal, like your culture, the media, and the entertainment industry. Others are intimate and close at hand, like your genes, your childhood imprints, and the characters you encounter daily. Now is an excellent time to contemplate all the influences that make you who you are.

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To further explore the ripening blessings and interesting challenges in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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There is a proverb from the American culture of the 21st century that I'd like to run by you: "Never reveal all you know, confess everything you feel, show how much you care, or give all you have."

Prove this proverb wrong. Cultivate power by revealing all you know, confessing everything you feel, showing how much you care, and giving all you have.