"When I was young," wrote French author Albert Camus, "I expected people to give me more than they could -- continuous friendship, permanent emotion." That didn't work out so well for him. Over and over, he was awash in disappointment. "Now I have learned to expect less of them than they can give," he concluded. "Their emotions, their friendship, and noble gestures keep their full miraculous value in my eyes; wholly the fruit of grace." I'd love to see you make an adjustment like this in the coming months, Aries. If you do, the astrological omens suggest you will experience a blessing like Camus'.

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield. I'd like to inspire you to write a story of your own that begins like that. For help, tune into your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day. Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.

Some earthquakes happen in slow-motion. These rare events occur 22 to 34 miles down, where tectonic plates are hotter and gooier. Unlike the sudden, shocking jolts of typical temblors, this gradual variety can take many days to uncoil and never send dishes flying off shelves up here on the earth's surface. I suspect your destiny will have a resemblance to this phenomenon in the coming months, Taurus. Your foundations will be rustling and rumbling, but they will do so slowly and gently. The release of energy will ultimately be quite massive. The realignment of deep structures will be epic. But there will be no big disturbances or damages.

I invite you to keep a running list of all the ways life delights you and helps you and energizes you. Describe everyday miracles you take for granted . . . the uncanny powers you possess . . . the small joys that occur so routinely you forget how much they mean to you . . . the steady flow of benefits bestowed on you by people you know and don't know. What works for you? What makes you feel at home in the world? For inspiration in this noble effort, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs. Think of the last place on Earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there. Say these words and see how they feel: "Ever since I learned to see three sides to every story, I'm finding much better stories."

I suspect that some night soon you will have a dream of being naked as you stand on stage in front of a big audience. Or maybe not completely naked. There's a strong possibility you will be wearing pink and green striped socks and a gold crown. And it gets worse. In your dream, I bet you will forget what you were going to say to the expectant crowd. Your mouth will be moving but no words will come out. So that's the bad news, Gemini. The good news is that since I have forewarned you, you can now do whatever is necessary to prevent anything resembling this dream from actually occurring in your waking life. So when you are called on to show what you've got and make a splashy impression, you will be well-prepared.

All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don't know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative. For help in cultivating this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues. Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems. Change your name every day for a thousand days.

When I slip into a meditative state and seek insight about your future, I have a reverie about a hearty sapling growing out of a fallen tree that's rotting on the forest floor. I see exuberant mushrooms sprouting from a cowpie in a pasture. I imagine compost nourishing a watermelon patch. So what do my visions mean? I'm guessing you're going through a phase of metaphorical death and decay. You are shedding and purging and flushing. In the process, you are preparing some top-notch fertilizer. It won't be ready for a while, but when it is, a growth spurt will begin.

What is the obvious secret you can't quite see? How could you turn your challenges into daily gifts for yourself? For clues to mysteries like these, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
"God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose," wrote Ralph Waldo Emerson. "Take which you please; you can never have both." Give an example from your own life that refutes or proves Emerson's assertion.

"Dear Diary: Almost everything that was possible to change has changed these past 12 months. I am not kidding and I am not exaggerating. Getting just one of my certainties destroyed would have been acceptable; I long ago became accustomed to the gradual chip-chip-chipping away of my secure foundations. But this most recent phase, when even my pretty illusions of stability got smashed, truly set a record. So then why am I still standing strong and proud? Why is it I'm not cowering in the corner muttering to the spiders? Have I somehow found some new source of power that was never available to me until my defenses were totally stripped away? I think I'll go with that theory."

Grace emerges in the ebb and flow, not just the flow. The waning reveals a different blessing than the waxing. Where are you in the great cycle of your life? For inspiration in figuring it all out, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Brag about what you can't do and don't have. Bow down to the greatest mystery you know. Scare yourself with how beautiful you are.

About 32,000 years ago, squirrels in northeast Siberia buried the fruits of a flowering plant deep in their burrows, below the level of the permafrost. Then a flood swept through the area. The water froze and permanently sealed the fruits in a layer of ice. They remained preserved there until 2007, when they were excavated. A team of scientists got a hold of them and coaxed them to grow into viable plants. Their success has a metaphorical resemblance to a project you will be capable of pulling off during the next 12 months, Virgo. I'm not sure what exact form it will take. A resuscitation? A resurrection? A recovery? The revival of a dormant dream? The thawing of a frozen asset or the return of a lost resource?

Whether it's your time to ferment in the shadows or sing in the sun, fresh power to transform yourself is on the way. Life always delivers the creative energy you need to change into the new thing you must become. For more help in understanding it all, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Pretend your wounds are exotic tattoos. Sip the tears of someone you love. Rebel against your horoscope. Play games with no rules. Mock your fears.

For German physicist Arnold Sommerfeld, the good news was that he was nominated for the Nobel Prize 81 times. The bad news is that he never actually won. Actor Richard Burton had a similar fate. He was nominated for an Academy Award seven times, but never took home an Oscar. If there is anything that even vaguely resembles that pattern in your own life, Libra, the next 12 months will be the most favorable time ever to break the spell. In the next few weeks, you may get a glimpse of how it will unfold.

You can learn to be lucky. It's not a mystical force you're born with, but a habit you can develop. How? For starters, be open to new experiences, trust your gut wisdom, expect good fortune, see the bright side of challenging events, and master the art of maximizing serendipitous opportunities. For more help, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Teach an animal to dance. Hire a puppet troupe to reenact your life story using marionettes in Renaissance costumes. Make believe you are the ocean king or thunder queen.

"I should have kissed you longer." I hope you won't be replaying that thought over and over again in your imagination three weeks from now. I hope you won't be obsessing on similar mantras, either, like "I should have treated you better" or "I wish I would have listened to you deeper" or "I should have tried harder to be my best self with you." Please don't let any of that happen, Scorpio. I am begging you to act now to make any necessary changes in yourself so that you will be fully ready to give the important people in your life the care they deserve. If you do so, you will be free of regrets later.

Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things? For inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Improvise a fresh bedtime story for someone you love. Put on an inflatable sumo wrestler costume and play a bagpipe as badly as possible. Watch TV with your third eye.

"Longing, what is that? Desire, what is that?" Those are questions Louise Gluck asks in her poem "Prism." Does she really not know? Has she somehow become innocent again, free from all her memories of what longing and desire have meant to her in the past? That's what I wish for you right now, Sagittarius. Can you do it? Can you enter into beginner's mind and feel your longing and desire as if they were brand new, just born, as fresh and primal as they were at the moment you fell in love for the first time? If you can manage it, you will bestow upon yourself a big blessing.

When they say "Be yourself," which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage. So which self is it? For guidance, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Plant roses on a strip-mined hill. Sip holy water blessed by a smart teenage girl. Bear in mind that you are the Chosen One, and so is everyone else.

You could really benefit from engaging with a compassionate critic -- someone who would gently and lovingly invite you to curb your excesses, heal your ignorance, and correct your mistakes. Would you consider going out in search of a kick-ass guide like that? ideally, this person would also motivate you to build up your strengths and inspire you to take better care of your body. One way or another, Capricorn, curative feedback will be coming your way. The question is, will you have a hand in choosing it, or will you wait around passively for fate to deliver it? I highly recommend the former.

Take inventory of the extent that "No" dominates your life. Notice how often you say or think: 1. "That's not right." 2. "I don't like that." 3. "I don't agree with that." 4. "They don't like me." 5. "I'm not very good." 6. "That should be different from what it is." For help in retraining yourself to say "Yes!" at least 51% of the time, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Thank your mother for the pain she endured while birthing you. For three minutes on the first Friday of every month, close your eyes and imagine yourself riding a wild horse through a cemetery. Fantasize that your so-called "dark side" is sweet and creamy.

Now would be an excellent time for you to dream up five new ways to have fun. I'm not suggesting there's anything wrong with your existing methods. It's just that in the next few weeks, life will conspire to help you drop some of your inhibitions and play around more than usual and experience greater pleasure. The best way to cooperate with that conspiracy is to be an explorer on the frontiers of amusement and enchantment. What's the most exciting thing you have always wondered about but never done? What interesting experiment have you denied yourself for no good reason? What excursion or adventure would light up your spontaneity?

How's your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses? For assistance and inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
When you come home after a day of triumphs, take out the garbage. Dream you're a red-tailed hawk soaring over a shopping mall. Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you.

Now is an excellent time to transform your relationship with your past. Are you up for a concentrated burst of psychospiritual work? To get the party started, meditate your ass off as you ponder this question: "What fossilized fixations, ancient insults, impossible dreams, and parasitic ghosts am I ready to let go of?" Next, move on to this inquiry: "What can I do to ensure that relaxed, amused acceptance will rule my encounters with the old ways forever after?" Here's a third query: "What will I do with all the energy I free up by releasing the deadweight I had been clinging to?"

Assume that your drive to experience pleasure isn't a barrier to your spiritual growth, but is in fact essential to it. Proceed on the hypothesis that cultivating joy can make you a more ethical and compassionate person. Imagine that feeling good has something important to teach you every day. For inspiration in practicing this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Visualize two versions of yourself, one male and one female, holding hands as they gaze into a reflection of the moon on a river. Keep an image of a sphinx with you at all times. Imagine you have a guardian angel who looks like Oprah Winfrey.