Are you between jobs? Between romantic partners? Between secure foundations and clear mandates and reasons to get up each morning? Probably at least one of the above. Foggy whirlwinds may be your intimate companions. Being up-in-the-air could be your customary vantage point. During your stay in this weird vacationland, please abstain from making conclusions about its implications for your value as a human being. Remember these words from author Terry Braverman: "It is important to detach our sense of self-worth from transitional circumstances, and maintain perspective on who we are by enhancing our sense of 'self-mirth.'" Whimsy and levity can be your salvation, Aries. Lucky flux should be your mantra.

It's not too late to hear my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2014. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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In Frederick Buechner's book On the Road with the Archangel, the star is the archangel Raphael. This supernatural helper has a tough gig: gathering the prayers of human beings and delivering them to God. Here's how he describes the range of pleas he hears: "There are prayers of such power that you might say they carry me rather than the other way around. There are prayers so apologetic and shamefaced and half-hearted that they all but melt away in my grasp like sad little flakes of snow. Some prayers are very boring."

Compose a prayer that's so powerful and entertaining that it could thrill an archangel.

The renowned cellist Yo Yo Ma once came to the home of computer pioneer Steve Jobs and performed a private concert. Jobs was deeply touched, and told Ma, "Your playing is the best argument I’ve ever heard for the existence of God, because I don’t really believe a human alone can do this." Judging from the current astrological omens, Taurus, I'm guessing you will soon experience an equivalent phenomenon: a transcendent expression of love or beauty that moves you to suspect that magic is afoot. Even if you are an atheist, you are likely to feel the primal shiver that comes from having a close brush with enchantment.

It's not too late to hear my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2014. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The German word selig can mean "ecstatic," "blessed," or "holy." It implies that profound bliss can be a divine gift; that deep pleasure may generate or come from spiritual inspiration.

The English language doesn't have a term comparable to selig, maybe because our culture regards ecstasy with suspicion. Religious people tend to believe that the blessed are those who are good and kind, certainly not those who are skilled at cultivating rapturous states. People who worship rationality, on the other hand, like intellectuals and scientists, often think of ecstasy as at best an irrelevant state, and at worst a nonproductive or deluded indulgence.

What would you have to do to place yourself in intimate alignment with the values embodied by the word selig?

In my dream, I was leading a pep rally for a stadium full of Geminis. "Your intensity brings you great pleasure," I told them over the public address system. "You seek the company of people who love you to be inspired. You must be appreciated for your enthusiasm, never shamed. Your drive for excellence doesn't stress you out, it relaxes you. I hereby give you license to laugh even louder and sing even stronger and think even smarter." By now the crowd was cheering and I was bellowing. "It's not cool to be cool," I exulted. "It's cool to be burning with a white-hot lust for life. You are rising to the next octave. You are playing harder than you have ever played."

It's not too late to hear my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2014. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Is there really such a thing as free will, or are our destinies shaped by forces beyond our control?

Here's one way to think about that question: Maybe some people actually have more free will than others. Not because they have more money. (Many rich folks are under the spell of their instincts, after all.) Not because they have high-status positions. (A boss may have power over others but little power over himself.)

Rather, those with a lot of free will have earned that privilege by taking strong measures to dissolve the conditioning they absorbed while growing up. They've acted on the advice of psychologist Carl Jung: "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

"My old paintings no longer interest me," said the prolific artist Pablo Picasso when he was 79 years old. "I'm much more curious about those I haven't done yet." I realize it might be controversial for me to suggest that you adopt a similar perspective, Cancerian. After all, you are renowned for being a connoisseur of old stories and past glories. One of your specialties is to keep memories alive and vibrant by feeding them with your generous love. To be clear, I don't mean that you should apologize for or repress those aptitudes. But for now -- say, the next three weeks -- I invite you to turn your attention toward the exciting things you haven't done yet.

It's not too late to hear my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2014. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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In her book Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes suggests that we all need to periodically go cheerfully and enthusiastically out of our minds. Make sure, she says, that at least one part of you always remains untamed, uncategorizable, and unsubjugated by routine. Be adamant in your determination to stay intimately connected to all that's inexplicable and mysterious about your life.

At the same time, though, Estes believes you need to keep your unusual urges clear and ordered. Discipline your wildness, in other words, and don't let it degenerate into careless disorder.

I recommend that you sleep with a special someone whose dreams you'd like to blend with yours. And when I say "sleep with," I mean it literally; it's not a euphemism for "having sex with." To be clear: Making love with this person is fine if that's what you both want. But my main point is that you will draw unexpected benefits from lying next to this companion as you both wander through the dreamtime. Being in your altered states together will give you inspiration you can't get any other way. You won't be sharing information on a conscious level, but that's exactly the purpose: to be transformed together by what's flowing back and forth between your deeper minds. For extra credit, collaborate on incubating a dream. Read this: http://tinyurl.com/dreamincubation.

It's not too late to hear my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2014. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The seeds of the lodgepole pine and jack pine trees are so tightly compacted within their protective cones that they need flames to free them. It's only through the help of periodic conflagrations, then, that they're able to reproduce. Fire-dependent and fire-resistant, they can tolerate temperatures of 1,700 degrees Fahrenheit.

"One chord is fine," said rock musician Lou Reed about his no-frills approach to writing songs. "Two chords are pushing it. Three chords and you're into jazz." I recommend his perspective to you in the coming weeks, Virgo. Your detail-oriented appreciation of life's complexity is one of your finest qualities, but every once in a while -- like now -- you can thrive by stripping down to the basics. This will be especially true about your approach to intimate relationships. For the time being, just assume that cultivating simplicity will generate the blessings you need most.

It's not too late to hear my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2014. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Philosopher Robert Anton Wilson proposed that the single greatest contribution to world peace would come from there being over seven billion different religions -- a unique spiritual path for each person on the planet. The Beauty and Truth Lab urges you to get started on doing your part to make this happen. What will your religion be called? What rituals will you perform? Write down your three core tenets.

You Librans haven't received enough gifts, goodies, and compliments lately. For reasons I can't discern, you have been deprived of your rightful share. It's not fair! What can you do to rectify this imbalance in the cosmic ledger? How can you enhance your ability to attract the treats you deserve? It's important that we solve this riddle, since you are entering a phase when your wants and needs will expand and deepen. Here's what I can offer: I hereby authorize you to do whatever it takes to entice everyone into showering you with bounties, boons, and bonuses. To jumpstart this process, shower yourself with bounties, boons, and bonuses.

It's not too late to hear my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2014. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"Believing" in God is like "believing" in the taste of fresh-baked bread without ever having tasted actual fresh-baked bread. But what if you could commune with the Divine Wow through up-close, personal encounters that are as vivid as eating fresh-baked bread? Some people have. You could, too. Formulate the intention to do so.

"The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing," wrote the Roman philosopher Marcus Aurelius more than 1,800 years ago. Is that true for you, Scorpio? Do you experience more strenuous struggle and grunting exertion than frisky exuberance? Even if that's usually the case, I'm guessing that in the coming weeks your default mode should be more akin to dancing than wrestling. The cosmos has decided to grant you a grace period -- on one condition, that is: You must agree to experiment more freely and have more fun that you normally allow yourself.

It's not too late to hear my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2014. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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In Judeo-Christian cultures, many people associate the sky with the masculine form of God. According to this bias, the Supreme Father rules us all from on high -- up, away, far from here. But if you were an ancient Egyptian, the sky was the goddess Nuit, her body its very substance. She was a loving mother whose tender touch could be felt with each new breath.

For one day, act as if you and the sky goddess are in constant contact.

For the itch you are experiencing, neither chamomile nor aloe vera will bring you relief. Nor would over-the-counter medications like calamine lotion. No, Sagittarius. Your itch isn't caused by something as tangible as a rash or hives, and can't be soothed by any obvious healing agent. It is, shall we say, more in the realm of a soul itch -- a prickly tickle that is hard to diagnose, let alone treat. I'm guessing that there may be just one effective cure: Become as still and quiet and empty as you possibly can, and then invite your Future Self to scratch it for you.

It's not too late to hear my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2014. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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In some ancient Greek dramas, a god showed up out of nowhere to cause a miraculous twist at a crucial point in the tale. This divine intrusion was referred to as theos ek mechanes, literally "god from a machine," because the symbolic figure of the god was lowered onto the stage by a crane. In modern usage, the term is Latin -- deus ex machina -- and refers to a story in which a sudden event unexpectedly brings about a resolution to a baffling problem.

Write a tale in which you're the beneficiary of such an intervention.

The world is awash in bright, shiny nonsense. Every day we wade through a glare of misinformation and lazy delusions and irrelevant data. It can be hard to locate the few specific insights and ideas that are actually useful and stimulating. That's the bad news, Capricorn. Here's the good news: You now have an enhanced ability to ferret out nuggets of data that can actually empower you. You are a magnet for the invigorating truths you really need most.

It's not too late to hear my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2014. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Neither God nor the gods are dead, but they seem to be disappearing because so few of us are capable of carrying on authentic relationships with them anymore. The materialist delusion rules: Millions believe that nothing's real unless it can be perceived by the senses. Churches and temples are full of ethical people, but many of them have no clue about how to know or feel or converse with the divine intelligences.

What can the deities do, having been banished from our conscious knowing? Jung said they have no recourse but to worm their way into our lives as sickness and pathology. Repressed, they come in the back door.

Which of your maladies or pains might be gods in disguise? How might you get them to take off their masks and begin knocking on the front door?

If you come up with an original invention, apply for a patent immediately. If you think of a bright idea, put it to work as soon as possible. If you figure out crucial clues that everyone else seems blind to, dispel the general ignorance as quickly as you can. This is a perfect moment for radical pragmatism carried out with expeditious savvy. It's not a time when you should naively hope for the best with dreamy nonchalance. For the sake of your mental health and for the good of your extended family, be crisp, direct, and forceful.

It's not too late to hear my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2014. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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In Letters to a Young Poet, Rilke urged an aspiring bard to change the way he imagined the Supreme Being. "Why don't you conceive of God as an ally who is coming," Rilke said, "who has been approaching since time began, the one who will someday arrive, the fruit of a tree whose leaves we are? Why not project his birth into the future, and live your life as an excruciating and lyrical moment in the history of a prodigious pregnancy?"

How would your life change if you made this idea your working hypothesis?

In the 1997 film Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, the lead character announces that "'Danger' is my middle name." Ever since, real people in the UK have been legally making "Danger" their middle name with surprising regularity. I think it would be smart fun for you Pisceans to add an innovative element to your identity in the coming days, maybe even a new middle name. But I recommend that you go in a different direction than "Danger." A more suitable name might be "Changer," to indicate you're ready to eagerly embrace change. Or how about "Ranger," to express a heightened desire to rove and gallivant?

It's not too late to hear my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2014. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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A reader named Michael McCarthy wrote to say he plans to start a new religion, the "First Church of the Rude Awakening." It will be based on the principle that having a pleasant life cannot serve as a motivation to seek enlightenment and salvation. McCarthy believes that no one ever bolts up out of bed one morning and says, "I'm so happy, I think I'll go meditate and pray and make myself into a better person for as long as it takes, so I can find God and say thanks."

Disprove this theory. Detonate an epiphany precisely because you're in an excellent mood.