Free Will Astrology


Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of August 29th, 2013

♈ ARIES

(March 21-April 19)
You seem primed to act like a ram, the astrological creature associated with your sign. I swear you have that look in your eyes: the steely gaze that tells me you're about to take a very direct approach to smashing the obstacles in your way. I confess that I have not always approved of such behavior. In the past, you have sometimes done more damage to yourself than to the obstruction you're trying to remove. But this is one time when the head-first approach might work. There is indeed evidence that the job at hand requires a battering ram. What does your intuition tell you?


Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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In the Greek epic The Odyssey, Odysseus and his men become stranded on an island belonging to the sorceress Circe, who uses her magic to transform the men into pigs. Later, though, she changes them back into men -- only they're younger and taller and better-looking than before they were pigs.

What's an analogous story from your own life? You know, an experience in which you were kind of turned into a pig for a while, and became a more robust version of yourself when the spell was broken.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♉ TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)
"I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" is a raucous love song by the Scottish band The Proclaimers. In the chorus, the singer declares, "I would walk 500 miles / And I would walk 500 more / Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles / To fall down at your door." In 2011, a Chinese woman named Ling Hsueh told her boyfriend Liu Peiwen she would marry him if he took the lyrics of this song to heart. In response, loverboy embarked on a thousand-mile hike to the distant city where she lived. His stunt seemed to have expedited the deepening of their relationship. The two are now wed. In accordance with your current astrological omens, Taurus, I encourage you to consider the possibility of being a romantic fool like Liu Peiwen. What playfully heroic or richly symbolic deed might you be willing to perform for the sake of love?


Would you like to hear me say some more about your ever-evolving destiny? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"We are attracted to people who express the qualities we deny or repress in ourselves," says creativity expert Shakti Gawain. Using this idea as your hypothesis, take an inventory of the people you're most drawn to. Ask yourself whether they have talents and dreams that you wish could come alive in you. If you find this to be the case, consider the possibility that it's time to claim those talents or dreams as your own.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♊ GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)
"The works must be conceived with fire in the soul but executed with clinical coolness," said the painter Joan Miró in describing his artistic process. I recommend a similar approach to you in the coming weeks. Identify what excites you the most and will continue to inspire and energize you for the foreseeable future. Activate the wild parts of your imagination as you dream and scheme about how to get as much of that excitement as you can stand. And then set to work, with methodical self-discipline, to make it all happen.


Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that are fueling your amazing story? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Pathologist Paul Wolf has suggested that some of history's great artists may have never created their masterpieces if the wonders of modern medicine had been available to them. For example, what if doctors had cured van Gogh's mental illness with a regimen of drugs like Prozac and Xanax?

Maybe he would have been spared the torment that goaded him to the outbursts of genius that erupted on his canvases.

Are there ways in which the very things that have driven you crazy might play a role in your finest accomplishments?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♋ CANCERIAN

(June 21-July 22)
My vision of you in the coming week involves you being more instinctual and natural and primal than usual. I have a picture in my mind of you climbing trees and rolling in the grass and holding bugs in your hands and letting the wind mess up your hair. You're gazing up at the sky a lot, and you're doing spontaneous dance moves for no other reason than because it feels good, and you're serenading the sun and clouds and hills with your favorite songs. I see you eating food with your fingers and touching things you've never touched. I hear you speaking wild truths you've bottled up for months. As for sex? I think you know what to do.


No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"Nothing's going right in my life. I feel anxious and paranoid all the time. My relationships are a mess." In my line of work, people make confessions like that to me. My first response is usually something like this: "Do you habitually gobble junk food near bedtime, steal a paltry five hours of sleep per night, gulp two cups of coffee and no breakfast in the morning, then bolt to a workplace where you get no sunlight or exercise and sit in an uncomfortable chair?" They often reply, "You must be psychic! How did you know?!" My point is that many psychological troubles stem from our chronic failure to take good care

Name three things you can do to promote pronoia in yourself by taking better care of your body.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♌ LEO

(July 23-August 22)
The Japanese word senzuri refers to a sexual act of self-love performed by a man. Its literal meaning is "a hundred rubs." The corresponding term for the female version is shiko shiko manzuri, or "ten thousand rubs." Judging from the astrological omens, I'm guessing that the applicable metaphor for you in the days ahead will be shiko shiko manzuri rather than *senzuri.* Whatever gender you are, you'll be wise to slowww wayyyy down and take your time, not just in pursuit of pleasure but in pretty much everything you do. The best rewards and biggest blessings will come from being deliberate, gradual, thorough, and leisurely.


Wouldn't you love to learn more about who you really are? What better adventure is there than learning about your soul's code? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Rural communities in southern Louisiana celebrate Mardi Gras with even more anarchistic exuberance than the festivities that take place in New Orleans. Roving gangs of masked revelers stop cars and good-naturedly demand money and gifts from drivers. Clowns with feathered headdresses knock on people's doors after midnight begging for ingredients to make gumbo. Mardi Gras out in the sticks "is a lot like tickling," says professor of folklore, Barry Ancelet. "When you get tickled it makes you laugh, but it also makes you feel uncomfortable."

Is there anything that incites both your laughter and your discomfort? Perhaps a thorny opportunity you have the privilege of suffering from? A prickly advantage that makes your blood boil and sing simultaneously? An awkward gratification that fuels your ambition to become the person you were born to be?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♍ VIRGO

(August 23-September 22)
"A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are correct," wrote science fiction author Frank Herbert. I urge you to heed that advice. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you will oversee the germination of several new trends in the coming weeks. Future possibilities will reveal themselves to you. You will be motivated to gather the ingredients and formulate the plans to make sure that those trends and possibilities will actually happen. One of the most critical tasks you can focus on is to ensure that the balances are righteous right from the start.


I hope the oracle above provides you with the inspiration you need to do what you've got to do and change what needs to be changed. But if you need more clues, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, where I go further in exploring your mysteries.

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Change yourself in the way you want everyone else to change
Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be jerks
Avoid thinking about winning the lottery while making love
Brainwash yourself before someone nasty beats you to it
Confess big secrets to people who aren't very interested
Write a love letter to your evil twin during a lunar eclipse
Fool the tricky red beasts guarding the Wheels of Time
Locate the master codex and add erudite graffiti to it
Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems
Change your name every day for a thousand days
Kill the apocalypse and annihilate Armageddon
Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues
Brag about what you can't do and don't have
Get a vanity license plate that reads KZMYAZ
Bow down to the greatest mystery you know
Make fun of people who make fun of people
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♎ LIBRA

(September 23-October 22)
The online Time Travel Mart sells products you might find handy in the event that you travel through time. Available items include barbarian repellant, dinosaur eggs, time travel sickness pills, a centurion's helmet, a portable wormhole, and a samurai umbrella. I have no financial tie to this store. So when I recommend you consider purchasing something from it or another company with a similar product line, it's only because I suspect that sometime soon you will be summoned to explore and possibly even alter the past. Be well-prepared to capitalize on the unexpected opportunities. (Here's the Time Travel Mart.)


For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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I'm smarter in some places than in others. In Florence, Amsterdam, and Milwaukee, my IQ is off the charts. In Munich, Madrid, and Washington, D.C., I'm rather dull-witted. Even in Northern California, where I usually live, some spots are more conducive to my higher brain functioning. I'm an idiot on Market Street in San Francisco, whereas I'm awash in wise insights whenever I set foot on Mt. Tamalpais.

What's this about? The specialized branch of astrology called astrocartography would say that the full potentials of my horoscope are more likely to emerge in certain power spots. What about you? Wander around and test to see where you feel most in tune with your deep brilliance.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♏ SCORPIO

(October 23-November 21)
Mystic poets find the divine presence everywhere. The wind carries God's love, bestowing tender caresses. The scent of a lily is an intimate message from the Holy Beloved, provoking bliss. Even a bowl of oatmeal contains the essence of the Creator; to eat it is to receive an ecstatic blessing. But those of us who aren't mystic poets are not necessarily attuned to all this sweetness. We may even refuse to make ourselves receptive to the ceaseless offerings. To the mystic poets, we are like sponges floating in the ocean but trying very hard not to get wet. Don't do that this week; Scorpio. Be like a sponge floating in the ocean and allowing yourself to get totally soaked.


Would you like further inspiration as you scheme and dream to make the most of life's sometimes puzzling opportunities? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The force of gravity is omnipresent, even though it can't be seen, heard, or touched, and almost no one can explain it. There ­wasn't even a word for it until the 17th century, when Isaac Newton discovered it and named it after the Latin term gravitas, meaning "heaviness" or "seriousness."

As you deepen your inquiries into pronoia, you may enjoy a similar breakthrough. Can you imagine what it would feel like to become aware of an omnipresent ocean of wild divine love that has always been a secret to you in the same way that the sea is invisible to a fish?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♐ SAGITTARIUS

(November 22-December 21)
James Caan is a well-known actor who has appeared in more than 80 movies, including notables like The Godfather, A Bridge Too Far, and Elf. But he has also turned down major roles in a series of blockbusters: Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Kramer vs. Kramer, Blade Runner, and Apocalypse Now. I present his odd choices as a cautionary tale for you in the coming weeks, Sagittarius. Don't sell yourself short. Don't shrink from the challenges that present themselves. Even if you have accomplished a lot already, an invitation to a more complete form of success may be in the offing.


What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else? It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE could give you additional help in figuring that out.

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What's true about the word "God" may apply as well to "soul": Much of the meaning has been sucked out of it. It's a flabby ghost that has lost its life force. Say "soul" and you're liable to numb your listeners' attention. At best you may inspire them to picture a vague floating blob that feels more like an abstract concept than a real presence. That's a shame, because the eminence that's lazily referred to as "soul" is as crucial to you waking up tomorrow as your heart.

"If you need to visualize the soul," wrote Tom Robbins, "think of it as a cross between a wolf howl, a photon, and a dribble of dark molasses. But what it really is, as near as I can tell, is a packet of information. It's a program, a piece of hyperspatial software designed explicitly to interface with the Mystery. Not a mystery, mind you, the Mystery. The one that can never be solved."

As part of the Beauty and Truth Lab's ongoing crusade to wrestle the English language into a more formidable servant of the ecstatic impulse, we're pleased to present some alternate designations for "soul." See if any of the following concoctions feel right coming out of your mouth: 1. undulating superconductor; 2. nectar plasma; 3. golden lather; 4. smoldering crucible; 5. luminous caduceus.

If none of these work for you—or even if they do—create your own terms.

P.S. Here's Robbins' conclusion: "By waxing soulful you will have granted yourself the possibility of ecstatic participation in what the ancients considered a divinely animated universe."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♑ CAPRICORN

(December 22-January 19)
"What a terrible mistake to let go of something wonderful for something real," says a character in one of Miranda July's short stories. I'm offering similar advice to you, Capricorn. The "something real" you would get by sacrificing "something wonderful" might seem to be the more practical and useful option, but I don't think it would be in the long run. Sticking with "something wonderful" will ultimately inspire breakthroughs that boost your ability to meet real-world challenges.


Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that may be influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium. Chemist John Walker invented the match. Physicist Wilhelm Röentgen was the first person to find out about X-rays.

What do these great minds have in common? They all refused to take out patents in connection with their innovations, believing they shouldn't make any profit on something that should belong to everyone.

Try giving away some of your brilliance for free.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♒ AQUARIUS

(January 20- February 18)
"There is more truth in our erotic zones than in the whole of religions and mathematics," wrote the English artist Austin O. Spare. I think he was being melodramatic. Who can say for sure whether such an extreme statement is accurate? But I suspect that it's at least a worthy hypothesis for you to entertain in the coming weeks, Aquarius. The new wisdom you could potentially stir up through an exploration of eros will be extensive and intensive. Your research may proceed more briskly if you have a loving collaborator who enjoys playing, but that's not an absolute necessity.


To further explore the ripening blessings and interesting challenges in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"Don't eat any food that's incapable of rotting," says Michael Pollan in his book In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto. In other words, highly processed foods with a long shelf life don't contribute to your optimum vitality.

I'd like to expand this rule to make it an all-purpose guideline for life. Try out this hypothesis: If you're involved with any person or situation that never decays, or if there is some part of you that never decays, that's highly suspicious and may be a problem. Like growth, rot is a natural phenomenon. Indeed, every advancement requires or brings the disintegration of whatever it replaces. You can't grow if you don't rot. The "perfection" of stasis can be hazardous to your health.

What's ripe to rot in your world?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♓ PISCES

(February 19-March 20)
"This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last." So says a character in Oscar Wilde's play The Importance of Being Earnest. I could envision you speaking those words sometime soon. Plain old drama could creep in the direction of passionate stimulation. High adventure may beckon, and entertaining stories might erupt. Soon you could find yourself feeling tingly all over, and that might be so oddly pleasant that you don't want it to end. With the right attitude -- that is, a willingness to steep yourself in the lyrical ambiguity -- your soul could feed off the educational suspense for quite a while.


Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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No matter how holy and good, everyone in the world has a portion of the world's sickness inside them. It's known by many names: neurosis, shadow, demon, devil. Many people try to deny that it inhabits them. Others acknowledge its power so readily that they allow themselves to be overwhelmed and distorted by it.

At the Beauty and Truth Lab, we take a position between those two positions. We accept the fact that the evil is part of us, but treat it with compassionate amusement and flexible vigilance. Our stance is partly that of loving parents and partly that of warriors.

Once you make a commitment to explore the mysteries of pronoia, your shadow will try to play tricks on you that it has never tried before. How will you respond? We recommend an aggressive, tender, improvisational approach. Be ready for anything. Avoid both blithe excesses of tolerance and grave fundamentalism.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

© Rob Brezsny 1995-2019