"What we need is more people who specialize in the impossible," said poet Theodore Roethke. For the foreseeable future, Aries, you could and should be a person like that. I'm not saying that you will forevermore be a connoisseur of amazements and a massager of miracles and a magnet for unexpected beauty. But if you want to, you can play those roles for the next few weeks. How many exotic explorations and unlikely discoveries can you cram into your life between now and March 1? How many unimaginable transformations can you imagine?

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2013, or an audio forecast for the coming week.

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Meditation teacher Wes Nisker helps students learn to calm the frenetic chatter of their minds. As earnest as he is in this heroic work, though, he also appreciates the importance of not trying too hard. As you pursue your pronoia practice, call on his influence now and then. It'll keep you honest and prevent your anal sphincter from getting too high-strung.

Here's a blurb for one of his workshops. "This day will be of absolutely no use to you. Nothing will be furthered or accomplished by coming. Expect a time of effortlessness, relaxation, and poetry, hanging out, maybe a little mindfulness meditation -- all for nothing. Some might understand this as a protest against our culture's speedy, goal-driven nature, but we know it won't amount to a hill of beans. Good intentions and purposefulness must be checked at the door."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

North America's most powerful and iconic waterfall is Niagara Falls, which straddles the border between the U.S. and Canada. In 1969, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers managed to shut down the American side of this elemental surge for a few months. They performed their monumental magic by building a dam made with 27,800 tons of rocks. Their purpose was to do research and maintenance on the stony foundation that lies beneath the water. I'm thinking that you Tauruses could accomplish a metaphorical version of that feat in the coming weeks: some awesome task that allows you to peer beneath the surface and make refinements that enhance your stability for a long time.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2013, or an audio forecast for the coming week.

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At New York's Museum of Modern Art, I brought my face to within a few inches of Vincent van Gogh's painting The Starry Night. It looked delicious. I wanted to kiss it. I wanted to eat it. Its stars were throbbing and voluptuous. The night sky shimmered with spiral currents. In the foreground, the cypress tree flared like a shadowy flame.

I could also see that the artist had been less than thorough in applying his paint. Especially on the edges, but also in the middle of the painting, slivers of untouched canvas showed through. Fierce, innocent, nourishing, reckless, unfinished, this priceless work drank my attention for a long time, constantly refreshing my eyes with its ceaseless movement.

Can you be at peace with the fact that your masterpiece may always be unfinished?
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

National Geographic reports that dung beetles have an intimate relationship not only with the earth but also with the stars. Scientists in South Africa found that the bugs use the Milky Way Galaxy to orient themselves while rolling their precious balls of dung to the right spot for safekeeping. The bright band of starlight in the sky serves as a navigational aid. I nominate the dung beetle to be your power animal in the coming weeks, Gemini. It will be prime time for you, too, to align your movements and decisions with a bigger picture and a higher power. (Read about the research here.)

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2013, or an audio forecast for the coming week.

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"I usually solve problems by letting them devour me," wrote Franz Kafka. That's an interesting approach, I guess, and though it might work for a tiny minority of introverted, melancholy, hypersensitive artists, it's probably not a wise policy for you. It may be better to fervently resist any temptation you might have to allow your problems to gobble you up.

Instead, why not be like a gargantuan sea monster in the midst of a perfect storm? Rise up as high as the dark sky and growl back at the thunder. Shoot flames from your mouth at the lightning. Become too big and ancient and wild to ever be devoured.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

You should go right ahead and compare oranges and apples in the coming week, Cancerian. Honey and butter, too: It's fine to compare and contrast them. Science and religion. Bulldogs and Siamese cats. Dew and thunderclaps. Your assignment is to create connections that no one else would be able to make . . . to seek out seemingly improbable harmonies between unlikely partners . . . to dream up interesting juxtapositions that generate fertile ideas. Your soul needs the delight and challenge of unexpected blending.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2013, or an audio forecast for the coming week.

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In the film Fight Club, the character played by Brad Pitt storms into a convenience store with a gun, then herds the clerk out back and threatens to execute him. While the poor man quivers in terror, Pitt asks him questions about himself, extracting the confession that he'd once wanted to be a veterinarian but dropped out of school. After a few minutes, Pitt frees the clerk without harming him, but says that unless he takes steps to return to veterinary school in the next six weeks, he will hunt him down and kill him.

In my opinion, that's an overly extreme way to motivate someone to do what's good for him. I wish I could come up with a less shocking approach to coax you into resuming the quest for your deferred dreams. Can you think of anything?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The collection called Grimm's Fairy Tales includes the story "The Devil and His Grandmother." In one scene, the devil's grandmother is petting and rubbing her grandson's head. Or at least that's what the English translations say. But the authors wrote in German, and in their original version of the text, grandma is in fact plucking lice from the devil's hair. Your job in the coming week, Leo, is to ensure that no one sanitizes earthy details like that. Be vigilant for subtle censorship. Keep watch for bits of truth that have been suppressed. You need the raw feed that comes straight from the source.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2013, or an audio forecast for the coming week.

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"The important thing," said French critic Charles Du Bos, "is to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."

Did he really mean at any moment? Like while we're in a convenience store buying a magazine? While we're lying in bed ready for sleep and reviewing the events of the day? While we're adrift in apathetic melancholy, watching too much TV and neglecting our friends? At any moment?! I say yes. At all times and in all places be ready to sacrifice what you are for what you could become.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In her book Jung and Tarot, Sallie Nichols notes that the sixteenth card in most Tarot decks portrays lightning as a hostile force: "jagged, zigzag strokes that slash across the sky like angry teeth." But there's one deck, the Marseilles Tarot, that suggests a kinder, gentler lightning. The yellow and red phenomenon descending from the heavens resembles a giant feather duster; it looks like it would tickle and clean rather than burn. I suspect you'll be visited by a metaphorical version of this second kind of lightning sometime soon, Virgo. Prepare to be tickled and cleaned!

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2013, or an audio forecast for the coming week.

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Lie on your back with your arms outstretched and have a friend measure the distance from the tip of one middle finger to the other. Do you have a wingspan similar to that of a hawk? Eagle? Osprey? The mythical thunderbird? Pterodactyl? Close your eyes and visualize yourself hovering and swooping above the treetops. What do you see below you?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Years ago, "bastard" was a derisive term for a child born to unmarried parents. It reflected the conventional moral code, which regarded a "birth out of wedlock" as scandalous. But I think we can safely say that this old dogma has been officially retired. According to recent statistics compiled by the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), over 40 percent of the kids born in the U.S. are to unmarried mothers. Just goes to show you that not all forbidden acts remain forbidden forever. What was unthinkable or out of bounds or not allowed at one time may evolve into what's normal. I bring this up, Libra, because it's an excellent time for you to divest yourself of a certain taboo that's no longer necessary or meaningful.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2013, or an audio forecast for the coming week.

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Russian scientists have discovered gold deposits in the dust of decayed tree stumps. The phenomenon occurs in forests growing in ground where there is gold ore. Over the course of centuries, the trees' roots suck in minute quantities of the precious metal, eventually accumulating nuggets.

Describe a metaphorically comparable process you could carry out in your own life over the course of the next 20 years. What invisible part of you is like a tree's roots? What's the gold you'd like to suck up?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

While trekking up Mount Katahdin in Maine, naturalist Henry David Thoreau had a "mountain-top experience" that moved him to observe, "I stand in awe of my body." You're due for a similar splash of illumination, Scorpio. The time is right for you to arrive at a reverent new appreciation for the prodigious feats that your physical organism endlessly performs for you. What could you do to encourage such a breakthrough? How can you elevate your love for the flesh and blood that houses your divine spark?

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2013, or an audio forecast for the coming week.

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Visualize in detail your dream lover . . . your ideal soul mate . . . the embodiment of everything you find attractive.

Imagine that although this person feels the same way about you, there is a very good reason why the two of you can't make love or be together as a couple for a long time. Feel the sweet torment of your unquenched longing for each other, the impossible ache of fiery ­tenderness.

Picture all the ways you will work on yourself in the coming years to refine your soul and perfect your love, so that when the two of you can finally be united, you will have made yourself into the gorgeous genius you were born to be -- a pure blessing and uncanny gift for your beloved.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

How do you like your caviar? Do you prefer it to be velvety and smooth, or would you rather have it be full of strong, fishy taste? If it's the first option, beluga caviar is your best option. If the second, sevruga should be your favorite. What? You say you never eat caviar? Well, even if you don't, you should regard the choice between types of caviar as an apt metaphor for the coming week. You can either have velvety smoothness or a strong taste, but not both. Which will it be? Set your intention.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2013, or an audio forecast for the coming week.

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I hope you can obtain the Avatar Elixir stashed in the golden obelisk in the underground fortress beneath the glass mountain. It will allow you to produce the "triple-helix" energy that will give you the power to cross freely back and forth through the gateway between universes. Then wild beasts will obey your commands. Rivers will become your allies. Every star in the sky will shine directly on you. And if for some reason you're not able to get your hands on that Avatar Elixir, you may be able to achieve similar results by drinking a bottle of beer stashed in the lower left rear section of the beverage cooler at a convenience store within five miles of your home.

Magic might be wherever you think it is.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Dear Astrology Guy: I have been reading your horoscopes since I was 19. For a while, I liked them. They were fun riddles that made me think. But now I've soured on them. I'm sick and tired of you asking me to transform myself. You just keep pushing and pushing, never satisfied, always saying it's time to improve myself or get smarter or fix one of my bad habits. It's too much! I can't take it any more! Sometimes I just want to be idle and lazy. Your horoscopes piss me off! - Crabby Capricorn." Dear Crabby: I've got some good news. In the coming week, you are completely excused from having to change anything about yourself or your life. Stay exactly the same! Be frozen in time. Resist the urge to tinker. Take a vacation from life's relentless command to evolve.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2013, or an audio forecast for the coming week.

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After rejecting proposals from many directors, Bob Dylan finally authorized Oscar-nominated Todd Haynes to make a film about his life, I'm Not There. Five different actors and one actress portrayed Dylan, including Richard Gere, Cate Blanchett, Marcus Carl Franklin, Heath Ledger, Ben Whishaw, and Christian Bale. "I set out to explode the idea that anybody can be depicted in a single self," Haynes told The Sunday Times.

Name the six actors and actresses you would choose to play you in the movie about your life.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Young art student Andrzej Sobiepan sneaked into Poland's National Museum with a painting he had done himself and managed to surreptitiously mount it on one of the walls. It hung there for a while before authorities noticed it and took it down. "I decided that I will not wait 30 or 40 years for my works to appear at a place like this," he said. "I want to benefit from them in the here and now." This is the kind of aggressive self-expression I'd like to see you summon in the coming weeks, Aquarius. Don't wait for the world to come and invite you to do what you want to do. Invite yourself. P.S. The English translation of Sobiepan's Polish last name means "his own master." What can you do to be more of your own master?

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2013, or an audio forecast for the coming week.

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Lewis Thomas was a physician who wrote elegantly about biology in books like The Lives of a Cell. I want to bring your attention to his meditation on warts. "Nothing in the body has so much the look of toughness and permanence as a wart," he wrote. And yet "they can be made to go away by something that can only be called thinking ... Warts can be ordered off the skin by hypnotic suggestion." Thomas regarded this phenomenon as "absolutely astonishing, more of a surprise than cloning or recombinant DNA."

Using your mind power, go ahead and shrink, dissolve, or banish a wart or wart-like vexation.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Before any system can leap to a higher level of organization, says poet Susan Goldsmith Wooldridge, it has to undergo dissolution. "Unraveling or disintegrating is a vital, creative event making room for the new," she declares. Guess what time it is for the system we all know and love as YOU, Pisces? That's right: It's a perfect moment to undo, dismantle, and disperse . . . as well as to unscramble, disentangle, and disencumber. Be of good cheer! Have faith that you will be generating the conditions necessary for the rebirth that will follow. "To change from one reality to another," writes Wooldridge, "a thing first must turn into nothing." (Her book is Poemcrazy.)

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2013, or an audio forecast for the coming week.

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"I am a devout atheist," writes Tom of Ohio, "but I have to explain to my atheist friends that I do pray to the 'GodIdontbelievein.'

"My first direct contact with this Divinity arrived when I was coming out of anesthesia after surgery. I was somehow aware of my existence but totally ­sensory-deprived. As I emerged from total unconsciousness, a tiny flickering Tinkerbell-like creature in the form of a shimmering globe of light fluttered into my consciousness and hovered irresistibly before my internal eyes. I was in love with it and it loved me.

"In fact it was me, or at least the manifestation of cosmic energy that settles in me and is my being. It gave me a blessing of good will, then went about its business of operating my body. In parting, it gave me the assurance that it would always be there for me and with me, and would join me after it shut the body down for the last time.

"Since that first encounter, I commune with the little sparkling wonder every so often. I thank it for its presence and it thanks me for mine, though we are actually one and the same. I find myself praying to it, though there's really no need to -- it knows me better than I do, and guides me toward my goals, though I know not what they are."

Inspired by Tom's report, write a love note or an expression of appreciation for the shimmering globe of wonder that animates your life.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.